Let me start by saying I am a strong, beautiful, extremely intelligent woman. I have never had a problem obtaining the attention of men...... until now! My live in boyfriend is addicted to porn. He always had quite a bit of porn in his home beore we moved in together and I was ok with it even being in our house until it started taking the place of our intimacy. I was never threatend by it before and even had fun with it. I've begged, cried, threatened, and even tryed to talk to him calmly about this and nothing changes. I love him dearly and he says the same about me. We live as if we are married, house, cars, step son. It has gotten to the point where I feel as if I'm lacking in some way. All my guy friends tell me he nuts not to want me. What can I do to save this relationship and not feel so helpless????
2007-06-04 05:45:09 · 17 answers · asked by Sunshine's Pic Is on 360 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sit down with him and have a brutally honest conversation. Tell him exactly what you wrote down here....
Then let him make a decison. You or the porn.....
Move forward with life based on his decison.
2007-06-04 05:54:51 · answer #1 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
visit Dr. Phil's site "How Porn Has Affected Our Relationship" message board. There are thousands of women who are going through the same thing.
Either you accept it, or if it is a dealbreaker for you, you proceed with your threat and leave him. If you threaten and then don't leave him, he will know that they are only threats and that you will never take action. Don't threaten unless you are going to carry out the ultimatum.
The hardest thing may be that the rest of the relationship is doing ok, and that you may have to carry through on your ultimatum and leave, just as you would a drug addict, a gambling addict, etc. It is no different except that it is personal for you, an added insult.
2007-06-04 12:57:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to anyone who tells you it's normal, etc. Porn is a terrible addiction that has destroyed MANY lives and marriages, as you are experiencing.
If he is open to counseling, I would suggest a counselor who does NOT support the use of porn (many do.) If he feels like he hasn't done anything, you seriously need to evaluate the state of your relationship and whether you want to remain with him. i am not an advocate of divorce, but in my line of work I have seen how devastating porn can be to relationships. It literally warps the mind and causes men to get their satisfaction from freaks of nature on a computer screen or television instead of experiencing true intimacy from a real live woman who loves him. If you are prepared to live like this, then stay with him and hope he changes. If not, I would suggest breaking it off.
2007-06-04 12:56:15 · answer #3 · answered by Yogi 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He has an addiction and needs to get help, obviously. It's not your fault, so please don't blame yourself.
I give you a lot of credit for tolerating it at the start (most women wouldn't), and trying to work with him about it as it became more and more of a problem. Since you have tried many different ways to get him to see how his addiction is damaging you and your relationship, the only thing left is an ultimatum. Either he gets help to break this addiction, or you leave. You have to be strong about it.
2007-06-04 12:59:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn addiction is a lot like drug addiction. There is mild forms of porn and there are mild drugs. There are forms of porn like heroin as well. Addicts tend to move through types of porn in much the same way drug addicts need more drug to get the same high after a while. My fear is that once he is already at the heroin levels of porn he may resort to chat or physical involvement once the porn no longer satisfies.
2007-06-04 13:01:47 · answer #5 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could look just like those women in the porn he looks at & it wouldn't matter at all....he would still be addicted. This isn't about you.....it's about him.
Anything in a relationship that makes you feel helpless is not good for you.
Really look at this situation and think if this is how you want to feel in a relationship.
2007-06-04 12:52:37 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Go away with him to a place where he can't get to porn. Show him reality is much more satisfying than DVDs.
If that does not do the job, find a man that can appreciate you and provide the attention you need.
2007-06-04 12:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess this lends support to the notion that beautiful women are the most insecure.
Look .. here's the deal. You need to spend time with him. Do things together. Not watching television, or even movies. Do ACTIVE things together. Throw a frisbee around, play tennis, go running, lift weights, play pool, scrabble, cards, or whatever. Spend a good amount of time doing things together. It will improve your relationship and reduce the time he has to spend with his porn.
If that doesn't work, he's lying to you about love.
2007-06-04 13:01:13 · answer #8 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I've been in this situation. He has an addiction. There is a book called "Every Man's Battle" about this struggle. Maybe you should check it out.
Things are not going to change unless he gets help.
2007-06-04 12:49:00 · answer #9 · answered by cbgrace71 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Major league couselling or its toast. He needs to come out of his fantasyland into the real world w/ real people that are filled with real life and emotions. The selfishness needs to end. I'd make an appointment for you both. If he refuses, I'd separate and let him decide if he wants the real thing or his fantasy women.
2007-06-04 13:20:17 · answer #10 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋