Wife gets home late. I get upset. Am I wrong?

Question

On Friday 6-1-07 my wife went to a party with her friends from work. She was there for 4 hours. I finally call her and she gets upset because she says that I am very jealous and that I always think that she will be unfaithful. I told her, "I just called because it is already past 12:00 midnight".
She told me, that she was just on her way out of the party and on her way home.
I don't mind for her to go out with her friends. She hardly ever does anyway. She hadn't gone out in about 3 months anyway. I did ask her why there was no answer when I called. There was just a pick up but no answer. Then I keep calling back and there is no answer at all. Five minutes later she calls me and says that she was just on the way out and going home.
She gets upset because I ask her about the first call where there was no answer just a pick up.
She tell me that I am blowing things out of proportion.
I just don't think it's right for her to be getting home so late.
AM I WRONG?

Answer 1

I would say it like this. Do the exact same thing she did to you and she where she goes with it. You can't accuse someone of something that you did also. SHe will see that you were just worried. Your her husband what else are you supposed to do. She should have been an adult and told you she was alright and that she wanted to stay out for a few more hours. It's been 4 hours and not a text message or nothing. That really selfish especially when this is the first time in 3 months. You weren't wrong in trying to make sure you wife was ok. Just give her, her space and don't worry so much about her. Be strong guy but don't chase her away either. Hope I helped alittle bit.

Answer 2

Wow - that's some loaded question. How long married I wonder... What I gather from reading what you wrote, it seems to me that your wife is dealing with some very intense self esteem issues, and perhaps is repressing some things as well. Do you frequently arrive home late?? If so, that is probably a problem all in itself, that fueled this outburst. If not, then she needs to grow up. I really don't think it was the late arrival that upset her, it may have been the straw that broke the camel's back, ya know? In a healthy relationship, this situation would NOT have escalated into what it did, and I think perhaps you two need to work on open lines of communication. She obviously was hurt that you were late, but rationale says the situation was unavoidable. I suggest waiting a day or two and then asking her what you can do to make it up to her. I also would look into a serious sit down talk about better communication. Best of luck to you both!

Answer 3

If she did it all the time than i would say its ok to get annoyed. You said she hardly gets to go out so what is the big deal? Everyone deserves a night out and she is an adult and doesnt need a curfew. There might have been something wrong with the reception of the phone. It happens. I would be worried if she was staying out past midnight 3 to 4 times a week. Not once in 3 months.

Answer 4

From what you say, this isn't something she does regularly. And then she goes out once, and you're constantly calling her. This had to be embarrassing to her in front of her friends that you should be calling her so often. It made her feel that you didn't trust her, or that you were checking up on her as if she were a child.

Discuss how in the future you will handle situations when either one of you is out late. And it should be where the person going out calls home to let the other person know what's going on, and if they're running late. And the person at home should also be able to call the other if they need or want to.

Above all, you also need to trust each other and treat each othe respectfully.

Answer 5

She is being a total brat!! You care about her, can't she see that?

Did you accuse her of anything? If not, then why does she automatically assume that you are checking up on her to make sure she isn't being unfaithful? But if you did, you should trust her a little more.

It isn't wrong for you to wonder what she's doing, especially not so late at night, and especially since she hasn't been going out until now. If she really understands your concern, she should tell you what she's going to do at night and tell you that she'll be coming home very late. Then, show that you trust her by accepting her word and not calling her. Ask her to call you instead if her plans change. She may or may not, but don't call her anyway.

I think she is staying out so late because she wants to get away from you for awhile and spend time with her friends. That's why she gets so upset when you call her when she's with them. (Or, she really is cheating on you.) It is really her issue, but it is something both of you should sit down and discuss.

Answer 6

Yes you are wrong... she is a big girl and can stay out as late as she wants, she shouldnt have to answer to you.. you are not her parent, she is not a child and should not be called and checked on and questioned like she is one.
Maybe she didnt talk and then turned the ringer off so that she didnt have to answer questions in front of her friends.. maybe thats why she does not go out with them often because she knows she will be interogated if she is not home within 2 hours... talk to her like she is a person not a responsiblity. Keep this up and she will be gone!!!

Answer 7

Yep. You're wrong.
You said she hadn't been out in three months. My gawd, give the poor woman some breathing room.
Did you call her cell? She could have been in a place where there was bad reception, or she was too far away from it to hear it ring.
I doubt it's an affair, they rarely meet only every three months although it is possible.
Is midnight really so bad? Come on...five a.m. would be a red flag, but not midnight.

Answer 8

My friend, you are making the classic mistake of closing the barn door after the horse is out. If there is infidelity, your pounding will make the problem worse, not better. The reason for your fear, and her defensiveness, is a deteriorated personal relationship.

Why not think back to what it took to win her heart to begin with? Whether or not she is fooling around, you don't have her heart, and that is a far worse problem. Women need a kind touch, and gentle persuasion to win their precious hearts. I assure you the wolves out there know this quite well. A marraige certificate does not shut down the walls of a hungry heart.

Answer 9

maybe you should talk to her before she goes out and ask her what time you can expect her. this way, if you are expecting her at midnight, you can call her at 12:30 to make sure she's ok. its hard because adults hate the idea of having to call home... it reminds them of calling their parents.

also, explain to her that if you do call, it would be better for both of you if you talked to her. this way you don't call again 10 minutes later because you don't know whats going on.

Answer 10

for the first lady that said he needs a ********, how can he get one when she doesnt even answer the phone!!!

you have the right to be mad because just imagine if it was you that was out and you did not answer, she would be upset and ready to break up with you. you just called to make sure she was okay. imagine if it was an emergency and you really did need her, then what would she have said? she was wrong and she is getting upset, because it sounds like she is trying to hide something. she is all defensive about you asking her a few questions, like why didnt you answer? watch yourself! all the ladies answer you and say you are wrong for being mad, because they also know how to cheat. these ladies need to see that you are only mad because she acted strange and had an attitude when you tried to contact her. BD