should i forgive my husband?

Question

for staying out till 1am for the last 3 days and being so tired from all that fun that he missed work today even though we are paycheck tp paycheck right now. He NEVER has done it b4 a friend was visiting from out of town but he was supposed to be home around 9pm on the three days and all 3 nights I was worried about him b/c he didn't call to tell me he was running late.

Answer 1

Good lord! I can't believe one would even have to ask this question as marriage is about love. Love involves many other aspects as well, including comunication, trust, forgiveness, etc. I mean, let's face it, how serious is this really? You ave already stated he hasn't done this before so it isn't like it's an everynight thing. Give the man some credit, his friend was here. Okay, granted, perhaps he should've called but loosen the chain up a little before you choke the man to death. And making a huge deal about his staying out late, all that is going to do is further make him feel as if you're making allegations and accusations. And, most people when accused wrongfully, tend to feel they might as well do what they're accused of. So, is it really THAT big of a deal?!

Answer 2

Well since he's never done it before and the out-of-town friend seems to be the reason why (I hope it's an out-of-town MALE friend) then I wouldn't suspect he's cheating or doing something bad, however, his level of responsibility concerns me. He's staying out, well past the time he said he'd be out, he's not calling AND missing work which means less money and things are already tight. Yes, forgive him, but tell him to get his a.ss back on track NOW. Really you should have told him that after the first instance, but since you didn't, okay...just tell him to step it up and don't miss anymore work and bring himself in when he says he's supposed to be home. If he does it again, I'd seriously consider having a stronger talk with him, perhaps an ultimatum... ship up or ship out. Good luck.

Answer 3

I would forgive him. Even though it happened 3 nights in a row, it was because he was with a friend he hasn't seen for a while. Sometimes time flies by and at a certain point you say may as well stay longer. The upsetting part to me would be that he didn't call to let me know he was OK, but then again, if I hadn't heard from my husband by a certain time after he should have been home, I would have called him to see what was up. IF this happened every weekend, then that would be different. We're all entitled to screw up now and again.

Answer 4

He made a mistake going out late with a friend and not calling you. He made another misake by letting the fun make him irresponsible at work.
Yes, you should forgive him only because this is a rare thing and not likely to become a regular thing.

I would give him a bit of a hard time, though, so that he understands that this is NOT good. Just don't go overboard with it and gracefully accept his apology when it comes.

Answer 5

If it were me, I would forgive him. My husband's best friend is more like a brother to him and he is about to come home for a leave from Iraq. All bets are off, whatever they want to do they are going to do it. Sounds like that they got caught up in the fun they were having. And honestly, 9pm? That is pretty much when things get started..let them have their fun. Plus, you said yourself that he had never done it before. Let him know that it bothered you, but don't make it a bigger deal than necessary.

Answer 6

He messed up, no doubt about it. This seems to be more of an exception, than a rule. He did this because his friend was in town, and his friend will be leaving or has already left.

Discuss the situation with him, and how both of you will handle something like this in the future when either of you go out with friends, and about calling each other when you're running late.

Answer 7

You certainly have every right to be upset with him for staying out so late without calling..However, knowing that he was out with a friend whom was visiting should make it easier to forgive him..In this particular situation I would definately be able to forgive him, however remind him that he should call if he is going to be later than expected, it is not only the courteous thing to do it is the right thing to do so as to have you not worried about him..Explain to him why you were upset with him about staying out late, that it wasn't the fact he was out late but rather the fact that he didn't call and had you worried sick about his safety..That should trigger something in him that makes him realize he should have called, and he'll probably end up apologizing to you for not being sensitive to your feelings of anxiety when he is out and you don't know if he is safe.

Answer 8

Forgive him, ma. Poppy worked hard paycheck to payckeck. Give him a break. Tell him that your glad he was able to let loose a couple days with his friend, but you need your strappin MAN back to help bring home the bacon. Don't forget to take time out for you too ( he owes u one now!), and don't forget to "compensate" each other for the hard work u 2 do!! =P

Answer 9

Time to get in to see the marriage counselor. You two need to work this out, or your marriage is doomed. If you are paycheck to paycheck, you probably can't afford to get a divorce, although it is advisable anyway if your husband is a lowlife. Get an appointment with the marriage counselor, ask your husband to go, and if he refuses, then go yourself. You'll be glad you did it, regardless of how your marriage is effected. Either he'll straighten out, or you'll find out that he won't and be better prepared to move on. Good luck! It is a tough situation to be in.

Answer 10

You have to forgive him, but let him know how you feel. The both of you could be using the money on something else more important. If you let him go this time, it will become a habit and he will keep it up. Let him know that marriage is more than having fun, it is a 50/50 relationship that both of you have to get thru together.