Can I get some advice on dealing sensitively with a new colleague of ambiguous gender? What's the etiquette? I haven't been able to find guidelines online. This person is starting a study abroad program, in a very conservative country, for which I am a program assistant: they will be coming to me with questions about the program and life here. The person did not introduce themselves as 'transgendered' however their physical appearance is very much at odds with the gender on their application, their name is asexual, etc. I can understand why this person would be reluctant to raise the issue. I would like to let them know 'hey, its totally cool, let me know how I can help you' but I also don't want to make them self-conscious. I have lots of gay and lesbian friends -- I've just never had a transgender friend (that I know of). Any quick advice appreciated as our official orientation is tomorrow. Thanks!
2007-06-04 03:17:41 · 9 answers · asked by E M 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
First of all, you've got to let him or her know that you are cool with it. Put a rainbow sticker up in your office or maybe the "equal" sign from the Human Rights Campaign. Or hand out something or hang a sign that says that discrimination of any kind will not be tolerated. This will open the door to a conversation and make him/her feel more comfortable and welcome.
Second, if he/she (I am using he/she because you did not identify a gender - not because the person is trans) does not start up a conversation, you need to find a way to have a private conversation with him/her. This would not be necessary usually, but you indicate that the person is going to an area where his/her physical safety could be an issue.
Ask he/she how he/she would like to be identified (by he or she). Then, refer to the person in that manner. Ask he/she how he/she will present him/herself in the country he/she is going to: as a man or a woman. Discuss the traditions and beliefs in the country as they relate to gender and sexuality. If the person is gay (or lesbian or bi) you will want to discuss how people in the country might react to this if it is discovered.
If this were a job interview, I'd tell you it was none of your business and to just go with the flow, but since this person could be put in harm's way, it is very important that you discuss this issue before he/she leaves for the study abroad program. I commend you for your efforts on behalf of this student.
Good luck! :)
2007-06-04 03:29:23 · answer #1 · answered by searching_please 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are assuming an awful lot about this person. What if you are wrong? If they are undertaking study in a conservative country, they have probably done their research and feel comfortable going there. I think you need to just be obvious about your opinions on human rights and availability to discuss any "sensitive" issues that they may or may not have, of any kind. Then let them open the door to further discussion if they choose to.
2007-06-04 23:54:15 · answer #2 · answered by Lou C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because of your position and situation, it would probably be best to sit down in private with the person and have a quick little chat to get things taken care of before any issues might come up. Find out what name and pronouns they prefer for people to use and anything else that might be important in that situation. Keep it private. Keep it casual. And let them know you're ok with it.
Oh, and kudos for being kool with it!
2007-06-04 16:52:04 · answer #3 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you've told the class about the cultural diffs and conservative leanings and such and this person did not voice any special considerations, then it seems as if it is they who have to bring up the subject (tg, safety, etc) as it pertains to them. you have done your part as to notifying the class regards potential diffs. now it is up to this person to ask for your 'qualified' opinion and advice.
you sound like you are a concerned, responsible, and caring person, good luck.
2007-06-04 04:51:37 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a transsexual in college, the best advice that your going to get is simply to treat her (him?) as she wants to be. Don't let her know you clocked her, that would destroy her self confidence! If someone did something that let me know that they knew I would be really hurt inside, just be kind and treat them as a person.
2007-06-04 04:49:22 · answer #5 · answered by elvishbard 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
treat the person as if it were you being the one who needs help. thats probably the best advice for a situation like this one is.
2007-06-04 03:31:32 · answer #6 · answered by cadaholic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do you treat or talk with a transgender friend ? the same way you talk with anyone. think for yourself, how do you treat other ppl and most of all how do you want to be treated?
2007-06-07 23:31:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jimmy C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well lets see i would see if i could very politely say " i mean this in all respect, do you identify as male or female so i don't offend you when using improper pronouns." try to sound very respectful. if you can't do this, try to find out from someone else who knows them.
2007-06-05 14:21:00 · answer #8 · answered by truthseeker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its not for you to bring up the subject. let him decide for herself. (no pun intended)
2007-06-04 04:10:57 · answer #9 · answered by mrzwink 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋