I knew him since we were 19-20 yrs old. A few months ago I ran into him, he was with his GF. I hug him, greeted her, talk for a few & left. Then I ran into him again with his GF. And AGAIN. This time he was alone. He told me he always had a crush on me, always liked me, always wanted me, but felt he didnt stand a chance & I was always with someone. I HAD NO IDEA. We talked for a long time. Exchanged #'s. I started to like him. He's been with his GF 22 yrs. They have 3 kids, never married. We're both 42 now. I was with him til 1:30am this wkend. Had a GOOD time. At a point he got passionate on me & it felt so good but I stopped him. He wants to be with me, told me the last 5 yrs his life with her isnt happy & he wants out but said it isnt easy & doesnt have a plan. He's been calling me often lately. I feel like he's being honest, but I dont know what to do. He has that life with that girl but we're getting involved.
Kinda hard to stop seeing him, I like him too. What should I do?
2007-06-04 02:51:26 · 8 answers · asked by Lala 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is it possible (or bad) for someone to be with their mate for 22 yrs, not married, and later on start to feel like they want to move on & start a new life with someone else that they have feelings for?
Their kids are grown now, ages 13-19.
2007-06-04 02:51:46 · update #1
HE'S CHEATING ON HIS GIRLFRIEND. Do you want to be with someone who will cheat and who obviously doesn't make commitments? I mean, he's been with someone for 22 years, and has kids but won't marry. Why would he treat you any better?
2007-06-04 02:58:32 · answer #1 · answered by LaMariposa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...
Seen that a lot, people live/married to each other and then as soon as the birds are kicked out of the nest, the marriage/relationship goes haywire.
It's obvious that he is interested in you. But what I feel is going on is that he has been in the child raising business for so long and sees a light at the end of the tunnel except he forgot to bring his "girlfriend" along. (Some states consider people to be "common marriage" if they are together longer than 8 years, so legally, they are husband and wife, if the state has a common marriage law).
Any way, I think he is looking at his "wife" as part of the package of the children and forgets that maybe she feels the same way. If you want him and he wants you, that's your choice but just be aware that after 22 years of growing together, he will ALWAYS have her on his mind one way or another. A memory that was fun with the kids, a marker that flashes a memory of something they did together. In the middle of something, he'll turn and call you by her name... out of habit, (Yes, you better believe it does happen! LOL)
He will not just be a free and only you person, he comes with baggage. If it appears that he can be with you without baggage, then he's a thoughtless person and you may want to consider NOT being with him. Also, hey he's in a long relationship and wants you, whats going to happen after 3-5 years and his 2nd ranked crush comes along? Be his friend, nothing more and save yourself a major heartache down the road and since his girlfriend has met you twice maybe you can get to know her, you may just gain a couple of great friends instead of a pile of SNAFU.
P.S. He says the last 5 years of his life is unhappy. He has THREE kids, married for 22 years? Then the oldest these kids could be is 21, 20, 19 maybe even younger. What were your friends like from the ages of 14-16? Teen years are the hardest between parents and kids. They are going through a hard time, and he isn't coping, and you are his runaway location. His safehaven. Whats going to happen when things go sour between you too? Run back to her? Another woman? He is running from his responsibilities which is shameful. PLUS what if these kids are much younger??? You going to be willing to deal with him stressing over the court sessions and mailings from the 'Child Support Division' ? The courts with the divorce if they 'are' legally married? The frustration of him working a 40 but only bringing home 20 (When child support gets their share)? There is more to this than just a bit of passion, its time to open the eyes and see it for the big picture that it is. My advice, tell him to call you once divorced and see how wonderful he is then.
Plus, are you ready to deal with the three kids that WANT to meet you when you get together?
Kids: "So this is the one that Dad left Mom for..." Doesn't sound as good huh?
And if you don't care, you will when 'Dad' wants you to.
So any way, look before you leap...
Kinda hard to stop seeing him? Not if you consider what I wrote it wont be. Either way, good luck.
2007-06-04 03:26:54 · answer #2 · answered by avengress 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you may feel special but who's to say he hasn't done this with other women before. I have always heard once a cheater always a cheater. So say he did leave his GF (which by the way after that long they are common law married so he would have to get a divorce) and got with you, could you truly trust a man that cheated on a woman he was with for 22 years? I would be worried constantly that he would end up doing the same thing to me at some point in time. He has a woman it is wrong to even think he could be faithful. Just be his friend and find you someone else to get romantically involved with. Trust me it isn't worth it in the long run for you or him.
2007-06-04 03:10:23 · answer #3 · answered by Angelcritter 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Their kids are at the WORST point for him to leave. It is shown in studies that teenaged children fare the worst of any age group in divorce (even tho' he's not legally married - it would be the same on the kids and GF).
They can get messed up for a LONG time. If I were you, I'd tell him to seek you out in 7 years. If you are both still interested in each other, then he MUST break up with his GF first. After he is out on his own, then you two can get together.
I know you won't listen and you'll end up having an affair and wrecking those kids' life. But I hope you'll consider someone besides yourself in this.
Good luck. :)
2007-06-04 02:57:29 · answer #4 · answered by searching_please 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say after 22 years years she is MORE than JUST a girlfriend....and with three kids, you are pretty stupid if you pursue this.
2007-06-04 03:37:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that when he leaves her then you will be with him because he might just be using you and break your heart in the end when he tells you he's not leaving you and are you really sure they're not married because they might be.
2007-06-04 02:58:28 · answer #6 · answered by jamaicaladydread 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jesus lady stop already . You said your happy he said he's happy whats the problem. You live once make what you can of it stop worrying about other people feelings dont kill you
2007-06-04 02:57:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go for it! It sounds like the both of you have rekindled something special.
2007-06-04 03:06:05 · answer #8 · answered by Charlie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋