How did you all do it?

Question

I envy the senior generation because most of you grew up in a time when you didn't have to have two incomes to make things work. Now I don't mean any disrespect by that at all, but in today's world you absolutely have to have both spouses working just to pay the bills. We don't have fancy cars, or even a really nice house, it's a fixer upper, but still it takes both me and my husband's salary just to make ends meet. Plus I have a 12 year old son, and I'm going to college full time. I'm exhausted. I called in work today just so I could catch up on the housework and rest a little bit. How did you juggle finances and raising a family? Did you have to work, or were you a stay at home mom?

Monk, I sensed a little sarcasm there in your answer. I don't think my family has any luxuries at all. We only have internet access because I have to have it for school, and we have cable tv because it came as a package with our internet access. Growing our own food isn't possible because we live in the city.

Answer 1

You must come from a fairly well-to-do family, if you think women of a "certain generation" never had to work outside the home.

I was born in 1952, and I have had odd jobs (entrepreneurial if you will) earning money since I was 8 years old. My mother ALWAYS worked--as a dressmaker full time from home, and then during seasonal rushes at both the post office and the liquor store. My Dad was a finish carpenter/cabinet maker. He worked long hard hours, but that second income was needed to pay all the bills (house, insurance, hydro, oil, telephone, food, clothes). And I learned early that if I ever wanted anything, I had to work on my own to earn the money for it.

I would scour the ditches along the roads and highways looking for pop bottles to return. They were only 2 cents each but penny candy at that time was 5 for 1 cent, so 2 cents was worth the effort.

I also grew vegetables in my Mum's garden for sale to the neighbours in order to raise money.

I had paper routes when I got a bit older. And then I lied about my age and went to work in a grocery store when I was 12 as a check-out girl.

I worked hard and became a nurse, and managed to earn enough money to support myself and my family. I too had a lazy lout of a husband, who spent more time not working than working. (Out of the 16 1/2 years of our marriage, he worked only 46 months.) I removed his drain upon my small resources, when I caught him in bed with my "best friend"--the last in a long line of affairs for him--but I had had enough.

So by the time my two kids were around the same age as your one son, I became the sole support for all of us. I worked long and hard hours and could only watch my dream of returning to University dwindle into non-existance.

Since having to give up my job to take care of my aging and sick parents, my own financial situation has hit almost rock bottom. In the 10 years I took care of them, any money I had managed to put aside for my retirement, was spent on just living. When my dad died two years ago I was left this old house that we grew up in. Unfortunately, no upkeep has been done on it AT ALL for over 30 years, and everything is falling apart. The bathrooms need updating and the kitchen is a joke. And now the house has an infestation of carpenter ants and roaches and every water loving bug you can imagine, and I just don't have the resources to get anything done about it.

My daughters both work full time. We have NO cars, let alone moderately fancy ones. We pay the bills and we buy food, and we count ourselves lucky to be able to go out to the movies once every six months.

My Mom's generation had to work hard to make ends meet. That took both partners. My generation has to work equally as hard to make ends meet--if you have two incomes you get to see light at the end of the tunnel--if you don't it's just a hard, daily slog. My daughter's generation (which you seem to share) is no better or WORSE off. Yes things cost more. But you make more as well. In my first job after I graduated from high school, I earned $60 per week. It cost $20 to buy a simple pair of Levis then. Do YOU pay 1/3 of your weekly salary to buy ONE PAIR of jeans?

All things are relative--both the costs and the rewards. In MY view this newest generation is no better nor worse off than the preceding ones. But you sure do have a lot more SELECTION than I was ever given! In both products, and the ways to earn money for those products!

Answer 2

Oh yes! The good old days. We seniors remember them, and in some cases, wish to forget.
I, like the others, have my own stories but will fore go telling them, you have heard enough already.
This I will say: Get rid of your "want list" and center on your "need list." What you really need (or need to do), to make it all work, is very important. Folks complain about the actions of kids today (with good reasons) but if you and your hubby spent more time doing simple things with them (stuff that is free), then they grow up being better adults (generally).
I am NOT implying you don't spend time with your child, I am just letting you know that just doing the simple things together is really great and a MONEY saver too.
Cutting back on everything is a good start. It will not go over well to begin with but everyone soon gets used to it.
Living in a city is way more costly then living in the country. Not to mention the garden you could have in the country along with other perks. True! getting to work may cost a bit more gas wise but the savings in other ways will make up for it, including a better environment for your child to grow up in.
I have alway had to work and in my later years here, I still have to work. I made some really bad decisions a few times and am still getting myself out of the holes I had dug. But, As in the past, I survived and so will you and your.
Just get those list going and check out the depression yrs. on your internet-look at the pictures of folks in long lines waiting for food etc. Not pretty is it?
Those that lived in the country were, somewhat better off.
Think about it

Answer 3

I'm a 53-year-old caretaker for a 94-year-old woman, and I can tell you from both viewpoints that it was never easy but we do stand in amazement at the cost of things in these days. I was born in the Baby Boom, when housing was available to all, my dad worked while my mother stayed home, and wages kept up with expenses. Mrs. P grew up in an era of two wars, had her husband in battle while she was at home miscarrying their first child, and remembers well not having any food to use her ration coupons on (if the store didn't have it, you had to do without). It was understood a lady didn't work outside the home unless she was helping her husband run a business, and if she did, she was an object of pity. As the years passed, that stigma fell away and she worked all through her children's childhoods, providing them with the best education she and her husband could afford. She was rewarded by their two sons doing well. I married a man who wanted me to be a stay-at-home mother and when the kids reached school age, I dabbled in part-time work. When the oldest graduated, he divorced me because he was tired of the burden of supporting me. In my next marriage, I insisted that I keep working, even though the kids were out and on their own. My daughter works, her husband doesn't; and they don't make enough to own a home or a decent car, living in a slum neighborhood. hand to mouth, raising their children the best they can. It's sad to see but with the astronomical prices of things, it's only going to get worse. It's good that you're going to school, good that you're working so if something happens, you can continue without having to develop new skills or search for scarce employment, and good that you have a house--even a fixer upper. Take it from a homeless college-educated Baby Boomer, it's good.

Answer 4

I was a single mom when my children were babies. I lost their father to the viet nam war in 1967. They were only 3,2 and 1 week old. It was tough. We didn't suffer by any means, but we didn't live the life of luxury either. I worked hard at being frugal. I saved coupons, took advantage of sales items for clothes, groceries or any thing we needed. My kids were use to hand me downs and we shopped at the Salvation Army and Good Will a lot for clothes and items around the house and toys even. When my kids were in their teens, Nike was the "IN" thing for clothes and shoes. I actually picked up a lot of Nike from the Salvation Army. My kids today say they still remember me always telling them at the grocery store when they would ask for this or that.... "If we don't have a coupon, if it's not on sale, if it's not generic, we don't get it".

Answer 5

A lot of it is priorities. I see today's families thinking that what is a luxury is a necessity. I am 53 and worked full time after going to college and also stayed at home too. I like being at home better. My Mother had her own business in the 1950s and 1960s and a lot of women didn't. I never needed my consciousness raised because my Mom taught me my life is what I make it.

Answer 6

i'm 47 yrs old and when i was little the first time i ever saw a x-mas tree was at my aunt's house,it didn't have lights on it back then but it had this thing that was on the floor and it would go round and round with different colors on the x-mas tree.the next thing that i seen was the first color tv set we got ,no cable just an antana,the third and most amazing thing i remember having was one of the new cars that had automatic buttons to put the windows up and down,it felt weird because i was used to riding in a 1957 Studiobaker.those were the good times.

Answer 7

Well, for one thing remember that things were a lot cheaper decades ago. I didn't work for 10 years when my daughters were growing up (late 1960s/early 1970s) and my husband made about $12,000 a year. I made their clothes, and we lived very simply. We bought a house in San Francisco for $27,000. Everything, I mean, everything was cheaper. I think gas was .50 a gallon or maybe less. So, all things relative.

Answer 8

We didn't have as many "things." We read books; we took walks; we had friends over. No iPods, no DVDs, no computers (barely a TV); no dishwasher, no dryer, no cable, no internet, no fast food to speak of (that stuff is expensive compared to cooking for yourself). We made our own clothes (a woman who couldn't sew was unheard of, practically). Cars were $2500 (an expensive one was $3000). Houses were $8000, not $80,000, or $800,000, and they were simpler, smaller homes. Women may not have worked much outside the home, but you can bet the rent that they worked INSIDE it!!

AND gas was only 28 cents a gallon ;-)

Answer 9

I was lucky enough to stay home until my children were in school. Then I worked part time, only when they were in school. I was lucky enough to be able to have summers off.
It was really tight at times but we did get through it. My kids didn't have the expensive, name brand shoes and clothing that many others in our upper middle class neighborhood had.
My kids are adults now and they are struggling. Two are married with babies and since day care is so expensive, they've both decided one of them should stay home to take care of the baby. It's a really tough time to be raising a family. Things, especially housing, are so expensive!
Good for you for taking the day off. Just remember to set aside a bit of time to give to yourself. Soak in the tub with a little glass of wine and that may help you feel a bit less stressed.

Answer 10

Quite simply, we both lived within our means.

We had no debts (apart from mortgage), and built up what we needed with time, not having it all at once to keep up with the Joneses.

When the children were growing up, I worked to bring in the bacon, my wife looked after the home and the children, with help from me (an old-fashioned division of labour), and then she went back to her profession when the children were more independent (a loving discipline produced this).

We had no luxuries (things you would regard as necessities) for some years, and we were still able to save for rainy days.

Above all, we made sure we were financially viable BEFORE marriage and family, by sacrificing a "good time" and saving up -- all this being the norm at the time. It was: prepare for the future, not indulge in the present. You cannot have your cake ....

You say that you have a 12 year old son and are at college. You should have gone to college before sex, marriage and family. If you didn't, then take the consequences and stop whinging.