My husband is an alcoholic, always has been, but was clean most of the time until recently. Yesterday, I told him I would leave if he does not quit. He threw a fit at first, saying he would move out. Then later on he told me I am more important and he would quit for me. Now he will not talk to me, before bed I told him goodnight and he rolled over without a word and he will not return my phone calls today. What should I do?
2007-06-04 02:30:26 · 32 answers · asked by SBB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stay the course and sticvk to your guns. He knows this needs to be done
2007-06-04 03:17:03 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know from experience that when you tell an addict that you will leave them if they dont straighten up then you are backing them into a corner. The best thing you could do is to join a alanon group ( for friends or relatives of alchohalics) to get the support you need. If you are serious about leaving then just do it, but remember that people with addictions (including cigarettes) dont always succeed the first or even the second or third time. As long as he recognizes that he has a problem then you are part of the way there at least. He might try an out patient program or AA, for us it was the out patient program that finally made the difference but the person still had a setback after 14 months but proceeded to get up and try again and thats all you can ask. Remember this is a disease and it will be with him for the rest of his life.( also most insurance plans will cover out patient treatment programs)
Good luck in your decision.
2007-06-04 02:42:34 · answer #2 · answered by BILL 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably is in withdrawal symptoms...you shouldnt give your husband such a hard time, as if what he is going through isnt hard enough, but you got to add your insecurities into the equation.
You have to support the guy, and show him you still love him, and you will always be there for him even with his screw ups. We cant ALWAYS make the right decision ALL the time, its impossible. Stop expecting so much from your husband, he wasnt put here on this earth to please your very existence.
Im sure he would do the same for you. WE all have addictions, you just need to decide whats more important in life, your addiction or your husband, love can heal/ conquer all, it just depends how strong your love is.
2007-06-04 02:41:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not anything you'll be able to do however advocate that he will get support and is going to AA. You must handiest say it a couple of occasions due to the fact that nagging does now not support both. He has to wish to give up on his possess phrases. No possible quit an alcoholic from consuming. If he maintains to drink and now not get support then probably you must recall separation. Tough love is tough however oftentimes that's the important thing to sobriety.
2016-09-05 21:26:46 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should protect yourself. He won't change unless he wants to. He can't quit for you or the kids or the dogs or the nieghbors. He can only quit for him. If he is not ready to change or even admit he has a problem, then nothing will be resolved. I worked in the social service field for several years. I have seen what alcoholism does to the spouses. It is a long hard road of fights, no money and (sometimes) abuse. Put yourself first and decide what you want to put up with. You can not control his alcoholism, but you can control you and your decisions. You can't protect him from himself, but you can protect yourself from him. Remember, you are not alone. You should look into support groups for family of addicts. I believe that they are called Ala-non. They are every where. Good luck and remember to reach out for help if you need it.
2007-06-04 03:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by AMANDA R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first husband was and is an alcoholic, hence first husband. I tried for 16 years to change him with no luck. I threatened to leave, I actually did leave several, several times. I offered him help, I went to AA meetings w/ him, I over looked alot of things. But what I found during the whole process is if you threaten to do something then you have to follow thru or he will realize you're not going anywhere and do whatever he wants with no repercussions. You can't change anybody that does not want to change. If you have to change something about a person, then that person is not who you truly want. I wasted 16 years of my life hoping he would be a good husband to me and a better husband to our children. If I could go back in time and do it all over again, I would do it without him. I wouldn't have put my kids thru all the broken promises he made and heartaches they went thru!! If he is willing to stop then I say stand by your man, otherwise don't waste your time. But watch for signs that he is drinking behind your back. Good-luck and perservere...
2007-06-04 02:49:45 · answer #6 · answered by Friend to all 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself to an Al-anon meeting. This is the 12 step program for people who live with alcoholics. You will find support and encouragement, be able to express what you are feeling, and be allowed to make your own decisions.
Many recovering alcoholics fall off the wagon once or more during their lifetimes. If he has been successful at staying sober in the past, there is hope that he can get (and stay) clean again. Just remember it is entirely YOUR CHOICE whether you stay with him or leave.
2007-06-04 02:44:24 · answer #7 · answered by not yet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, even if your husband agrees with you and understands he has a problem, he's not going to be happy about making the change. There are physical withdrawal symptoms that he will experience.
You're his wife and you of all people have the right to tell him the truth about his drinking. However, most of the stress that will result from this change will be taken out on you. Its a price you will pay. He will be moody, possibly experience headaches and nausea.
I recommend you encourage him to go to alcoholics annonymous, and you should go to the family support meetings as well.
2007-06-04 02:43:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Dr Phil considers Alcoholism and drug abuse a deal breaker. However, there is that part in your vows that says "for better or worse, in sickness and health". This would be sickness. It sounds like your husband needs professional help to treat his alcoholism-- he probably won't be able to just "quit" on his own. I'd recommend Al-anon for you. check out www.al-anon.alateen.org for info on groups in your area. They will provide support you need as a spouse of an alcoholic. Once he is clean, marriage counseling would probably help, but I wouldn't do it until he is clean or you'd be talking to the alcohol instead of your husband. If he refuses to get help, you may have to try separating.
2007-06-04 02:44:30 · answer #9 · answered by patty0317 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did not deal with any kind of drug problems until I was 40. Then several of my friends had brothers/sisters who had severe problems. The problem with alcohol is that they will do anything for a drink. Anything. It is a disease; but one that may or may not be curable. You should stop trying to dictate what he does. Don't put out ultimatums. Either leave or stay, but don't try to change his behavior in that manner. If you want to stay, then you should start attending AA. Not him, you. You will get better advice from them and see where things are going. You are not the first person with this problem.
2007-06-04 02:36:26 · answer #10 · answered by Ranger D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns. Don't give in to his childish tantrum. He wants you to back down and tell him he can do as he pleases. I was in your shoes for 20 years and he would quit and go back many, many times to his alcohol. In the end I finally saw his addiction was more important than I was and so I did take that walk. That was 9 years ago. Today I am engaged to a wonderful man that thinks life with me is more important than booze. Good luck
2007-06-04 02:39:09 · answer #11 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋