When you know you have done something wrong and you are treating yourself really bad as you know that whatever you say or do is not going to take the pain away. Well I have cheated on my husband with one man two months ago who is now a friend and it is killing me to tell my husband, any ideas please.
2007-06-04 02:08:17 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yes been there done that and i have seen people being tortured by guilt.. I think you should tlel your husband
2007-06-04 02:11:53 · answer #1 · answered by megaherzfan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately ask yourself why you did what you did firstly? There must have been a reason for looking elsewhere, if you can find that reason, then you've made a start. Then think very hard about telling your husband, you obviously need some marriage councelling.... You have to think about what it means to tell your husband, the trust in your marriage will be gone and you will have alot of stuff to get through before you can get back on track with your marriage.
I bet your husband suspects something is wrong, you have probably been acting differently since, even if you dont realise it....
If you really love your husband and you think he could handle something like this and work through it, tell him. You dont want it all to come out suddenly in a few years time and your husband will have to deal with it along with the fact you have kept it secret for years...
Good luck
2007-06-04 02:27:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me that your going through a lot of guilt and pain knowing that you've betrayed your husband's trust. And subconsciously you want to be punished for it. That could be the reason why you're so anxious to tell your husband. It's more about being punished and forgiven than about being honest with him. Frankly, it was selfish of you to cheat on him and then it's even more selfish to tell him just so you can feel that you've been honest and be forgiven. I suggest you preserve the relationship and also understand that you made a mistake and also ensure that it won't happen again.
2007-06-04 02:26:19 · answer #3 · answered by duggi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T tell him, if you can honestly say you will never do it again, and that by making this mistake you've realised that you love him truly, its just not worth it.
The guilt will be worse because not only will you feel bad for whats happened, you'll then be feeling worse knowing how Upset/Angry/Hurt he is. And if the worst happens and you split you'll then be blaming yourself forever,
Leave it in the past, learn from it, and don't put yourself or your husband through it.
Whatever you decide Good Luck.
2007-06-06 07:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by emma252081 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes have been there and it is hell isnt it? If it is all over i wouldnt tell your husband. You have to look at your motives for doing so, if it is to ease your guilt then that is unfair as you will just be passing all the pain on to him.
i would forget it and work on your marriage. The pain will get better honest but you risk everything by telling him.
There is a really good message board at www.ivillage.co.uk, look at my affairboard which provides support. Goodluck.
2007-06-04 02:18:36 · answer #5 · answered by cottontail 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a jilted husband (recently divorced due to her infidelity), I would have wanted this:
1. Do not tell me
2. Recommit to me and never, ever do it again
3. Never speak with "friend" again and ask him to permanently distance himself
4. Become the greatest wife the world has ever known
If this were done, I could would have considered your actions a blessing. If you don't, I would have asked you to tell me go so I can find someone else to truly love me. Food for thought...
2007-06-04 02:23:13 · answer #6 · answered by Big_Daddy_Vez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your husband as soon as possible. Be totally honest with what happened and make sure you have answers for him when he asks why you did it in the first place. You will need therapy for your relationship should he wish to keep you in his life and you will have to live under the thumb for a while until you guys can regain trust...but who knows,he may not want you back so make prior arrangements just incase it goes badly ...good luck
2007-06-04 02:12:36 · answer #7 · answered by princesspooi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Write it down in a letter, go some where quite and read it out aloud, then burn it!. If your husband had treated you right you would of never strayed. We all make mistakes that's part of being human, learn from this and move on. Only you know if your marriage is worth saving, if so work at it. Confessing to your husband will do nothing for his self esteem, it may ease your conscience for a while but then remorse and regret is likely to kick in. You and only you know if this was a "one off" if not, you need to move on for both your sakes.
2007-06-04 02:15:36 · answer #8 · answered by marfy 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I find it's easier to admit something in writing, that way I can read over what I'm saying to the person and make sure it's really what I want to say and that it's coming out right, it's also less stressful. There's no way I can get tongue-tied and it's not half as bad as facing up to the person- Why don't you write your husband a letter explaining what you've done and telling him why you told him in writing, not in person then you can try to work it out face-to-face.
2007-06-04 02:16:02 · answer #9 · answered by Pepper 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes I regret getting involved with someone who is taken. It was never my aim to get involved with him but it just happened and now Im trying to get over it and distance myself but he's making it hard. I wouldnt tell him. Its only going to ruin your relationship and he may never forgive you. I think as long as you have no inclination to do it again, you should forgive yourself and keep quiet. Focus on making your marriage greater!
Good Luck
2007-06-04 04:08:46 · answer #10 · answered by buff1ne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋