My husband of 6 years has had 5 extramarital affairs that I only recently found out about - he wants me to forgive him and carry one with our marriage, I can't get over it - is there something wrong with me?
2007-06-04 01:45:44 · 25 answers · asked by MizzeL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl I am deeply sorry for what you are going through but you need to be very strong!
I know that 5 times is way to much girl you need to get respect and he didn't give that to you.
I say honestly try to go into counseling they are the only one that can really help you out. We the people of yahoo answer well try out best to give you all the help that we can but honestly professional are the only one that has the correct tools that you need.
But my opinion is simple and that is you and your husband need to do alot of talking try to find out why? or what went wrong in the marriage to see if their is a way fix it. But remember that it is up to you if you want to fix your marriage and always having the doubt in back of your heads that he will cheat on you again that is torture. Girl all I could tell you is to follow you heart and if you do decide to be with him then you go for it and don't let know one stop you from what you want but do all this with the help of a professional.
Good luck
2007-06-04 02:03:04 · answer #1 · answered by mary o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope!! You KNOW about five. Are there any others lingering out there. Of this you cannot be sure. It seems that he has been unfaithful to you for let's see... your entire marriage and if not, 5 affairs in less than 6 years is a lot to forgive. If you have no children (and even if you do this is not the type of person you want teaching them) you need to cut your losses and move on. By all means forgive him if it is in your heart because if you don't you only hinder your own healing, but do not allow him to continue making an @** of you. You deserve better so go and get it!!!!!
2007-06-04 07:54:37 · answer #2 · answered by MeMe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. He had the problems not you. I'm sure he wants you to forget and forgive but is he doing everything he can to help you trust him again? Still it doesn't mean you can. If he has had 5 affairs then he probably won't stop at that. Sometimes you can love a person and forgive them but still not forget. And maybe you can't be married to them anymore because of the broken trust. Only you know what you can endure and if you can trust again. If you can't then move on and don't torture yourself. His infidelity was not your fault. If you think he will not do it again then tell him you need to go to counseling together to see if you can make it work but only if you want to. The ball is in your court. You decide where your marriage is going now NOT him. Good Luck in whichever way you go.
2007-06-04 01:59:39 · answer #3 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is any excuse for cheating on anyone but sometimes we have to look at the whole picture before we start to judge. Was there anything on your part that made him cheat? I have been in the same situation. My fiance of 4 years cheated on me but we are still together. I love him and it is hard to get over and I don't think you ever will. I know I am young and when we got together I did not appriciate him the way I should have and I took for granted a good thing. There were times that things looked as if I had cheated on him or didnt care. But I never did and this is why its hard for me to fogive him. I know it looked like I did and he says his actions were out of revenge and he thought I was cheating. I am able to get over it and move on because if he had did to me what what happened to me and the roles were switched I would have thought he was cheating. At the same time though there are no excuses to cheat on someone. I f you are not happy you need to let that person know and the fact that your husband did it 5 times I say there is a problem there. Don't let anyone tell you what to do though only you can decide. Look at the whole picture before you decide and girl I know you will decide the right thing. Im not saying stay with him because you love him or anything I want you to go by what you think. I would say if nothing had ever been good between you two and he's basically been cheating since you two got married than it will not work because you will never be able to trust him. Sometimes is easy to put things aside but what hurts is that you won't ever forget it. When he's around other women whether it's to go out to eat or to the store or even at work you will always wonder!
2007-06-04 01:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by Thatchic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, there's something wrong with him. Having one affair is bad enough, but 5? Then he expects you to say oh-well it's water under the bridge, I love you? You may not be able to get over it, and even if you are able he would have to show some kind of understanding and remorse to you to even be able to consider it. If he's had 5, what's going to stop him from number 6,7,8, etc........? If I was in your shoes, I don't think I would be able to forgive him. It would be the end of our relationship. 5 affairs in 6 years is not a very good foundation to build a life with someone. Even if you can forgive him, that doesn't mean you have to stay married to him.
2007-06-04 01:52:35 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh not it's nothing wrong with you at all. One you maybe can forgive, but five that's hard to bounce back from. My fiance and I were just talking about this. Neither of us think we would be able to carry-on with the relationship because we wouldn't trust the other person. I couldn't live like that wondering if he leaves the house is he meeting up with so and so. Just know you don't deserve someone to treat you like you have no feelings.
2007-06-04 01:52:18 · answer #6 · answered by newsgal03 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. Your husband has a problem. He is what is referred to as a habitual cheater. He probably does not "get" how much he has hurt you and your marriage.
One affair can be forgiven if the spouse is truly remorseful. I have rarely seen couples move on to a happy marriage after multiple affairs.
Good luck.
2007-06-04 01:54:40 · answer #7 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are able to carry on after an affair, and others aren't. I don't think it means there is anything wrong with you at all. I'm sorry that happened to you, you deserve much better.
2007-06-04 01:48:53 · answer #8 · answered by just a mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fool me once shame on you
fool me six times in five years no one can forgive that,
never mind forget it . shame on you if you do
what you are supposed to just dismiss the fact that he may have brought home a std the gamble is multiplied by every one of them and every time he slept with them .
you cant surly think that you can trust him he only asks for your trust when he is caught and even then it is you that is expected to back down , trust is earned and Id say the day he is lowered into the ground you will be at peace with his cheating ways , you can forgive but that sort of betrayal is not forgotten
2007-06-04 02:02:05 · answer #9 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*Five* affairs? In only 6 years??? No, there's nothing wrong with your having trouble "getting over" this. There's something wrong with *him*--he's a sex addict. God only knows what kind of STDs he could have. Of course you can't get over it--he's using you for a housekeeper and maid and getting his jollies by chasing skirt. My only question is how you have been so unaware.
Run for the hills, dear. Divorce this creature. I can't use the word "man".
2007-06-04 01:55:24 · answer #10 · answered by anna 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋