I have been married for almost 4 years and my husband is not as sexual as I am - never has been since the beginning. I am starting to wonder if he has ¨problems¨ he says he loves me but I overhelm him because I always want to be intimate. We are both in our early 30s without children. Is it normal to have sex once or twice a week max including weekends?? What shoudl I do?
Thanks for your advice.
2007-06-04 01:30:22 · 28 answers · asked by Moraima H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nation average for sex is 2.5 times a week, as couples happen about 120 times a year (about once every three days)
Yes, he may have some serious intimacy issues here
2007-06-04 01:46:59 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are way too many variables to get a good answer here. A few things to ask yorself>
Are you the love of his life, or was there someone he never got over?
Does he trust you (were you ever unfaithful or lie to him)?
Do you do what he wants, or is it all about you?
Is he attracted to you physically?
More specifically about him>
Does he seem depressed?
Does he have any other medical conditions?
Lack confidence?
Is he physically fit?
Was he ever abused?
Is he perhaps....in love with someone else, or gay?
It could be so many things. Perhaps he has some fetish or fantasy that he is embarrassed about. This is a good time to explore...toys, dress up for him, etc. In know a lot of people are anti- porn, sometimes adult videos can help couples find out what turns them on and connect.
At the end of the day, you may still find out that this is as good as it gets with him....then you have to decide how much you love him and is it good enough for you?
My advice...explore, be provocative. Eliminate all the potential hang ups. Whatever you do, if you can't resolve the problem to a point you can live with... break it off before you have children. Once you have them, you will feel compelled to stick together for their sake, at the expense of your (and everyone else's) happiness. Lastly, don't cheat.
I know it is no consolation, but you are walking a well traveled path.
2007-06-04 09:16:18 · answer #2 · answered by DH1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES. Better than twice a month, like I have heard some other people talk about in other questions.
If you want it more than he does, get a 'toy' to use on yourself when he is not in the mood. you might also invite him to watch you, that might actually make him hot.
But you say it has always been this way. So why do you think there is something wrong with him now? It's very normal, don't worry. Just don't go outside of the marriage whatever you do!!! I know it can be sexually frustrating, but if you love each other then you will find a way to work around this.
Good luck and God bless you.
2007-06-04 08:37:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said that your husband has never been as sexual as you, and you knew this from the begining. So, I'm not exactly sure what you're wanting to know. If you knew this from the start, than you were okay with it at one point in time.
But, people do hit their sexual plateau at different stages. I'd just discuss with him the important of being intimate with him, and hopefully he'll compromise.
2007-06-04 08:35:14 · answer #4 · answered by just a mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see lots of posts here about both men and women frustrated by sexual incompatibility.
Both the one spouse frustrated because they feel their partner is always horny, or the spouses who are frustrated because they aren't getting enough.
Although as one of the spouses (who is frustred by the latter) I can tell you that I've tried everything I've seen posted here that I thought had a chance of working but now my spouse is only more defensive about it and cringes when I try to bring anything up about it.
Sorry all I can do is sympathize and tell you I can appreciate your frustration! Don't listen to the posts that encourage you to cheat, have more dignity and self respect than that. But if there are no kids maybe it is easier for you to move on as the problem will only get worse as time goes by.
2007-06-04 12:29:46 · answer #5 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps your aggressiveness makes him fear his inability to preform to your demands. Try setting the mood just be sweet and just kiss him and not with any other intent except to be close not sex. Cuddle and kiss softly no demands and see if he doesn't take the lead. Are you at home with your own self satisfaction. Perhaps he'd like to watch you . Don't accept anything as whats normal for the number of times to make love. If its done right them that may be enough but if you aren't satisfied then perhaps that's why you want sex all the time .
2007-06-04 08:44:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have this problem with my lady. Don't let it weird you out. She isn't interested as often as I am. We have sex usually once or twice a week. I've come to accept it because I love her and I trust her. Under any other circumstance (no trust, just laziness, inconsiderate) I would probably look for a new partner. But, I love her and I have agreed to enjoy my life with her, and this.
Unless you want to go to dinner sometime... :)
2007-06-04 08:39:57 · answer #7 · answered by I hate Comcast 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The number of times depend on the couple. But the pressure from someone when you are not as active can effect ones performance. Try to back off a little. Try just being romantic and not to force sex let it happen naturally.
2007-06-04 08:36:29 · answer #8 · answered by justwannano 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its normal for some and not for others you say you over whelm him is it possible that his masculinity is threatened by your need to have sex .
perhaps you need to suggest that you shower together and let it lead to sex rather than asking for it . let the lion roar make him feel like the aggressor.
Weather making love or chopping wood or washing dishes , what ever always over praise his efforts (not to the ridiculous but to flatter him) he will respond with new vigor if you say things like that was better than ever and man you put your all into that , thank him with a kiss and hug and let him know you care for his efforts he will respond.
He may just be a one time a week lover if so go to the toy shop , it may attract his attention to.
2007-06-04 08:43:16 · answer #9 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question I ave to ask is, what was it like BEFORE you were married????
Once or twice a week at your age is more than I would expect if he was gay, but far less than I would expect otherwise.
Another example of why pre-marital sex is absolutely essential. It is too important to let go until after you've already committed your life to someone.
2007-06-04 08:34:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋