I am currently very unhappy with my life and my wife, I am thinking of divorcing her?

Question

I have a very stressfull job working with young offenders and this can lead to long hours and weekend work. My wife and I have been fighting for about 2 years and its getting to me, I'm almost at the point of leaving, but can't seem to bring myself to do it. The issues do run deeper, lack of sex, lack of communication.

I have tried to talk to her and seek help together but she wants none of it even though she knows we are in trouble, she would prefer to sit on the couch and do nothing. I keep suggesting things to do and places to go to occupy us, but all she can say is whatever, I'm not bothered or its up to you. Yet when I ask whats wrong, I get nothing but silence and no reason behaind why she is so moody. She goe's in moods for days on end for no reason at all. I have lost friends through this and my own brother wont come round because of the atmosphere.

I don't wnat to leave as it breaks my heart, but I can't go on like this anymore. Help

I appreciate all of your comments folks, for those who have asked about her, she works full time, I ask her how her days been everyday, I ask her to go to restaurants etc... We've been together 14 years and married for coming up 4years

Answer 1

You both sound very down and depressed. You say that you are not communicating. How about you take charge of the situation, book a weekend away. Tell her that you have to make a positive change to your relationship and that you both need to discuss the situation, that you are sure that she must be feeling the same way. Offer her the chance to open up to you. Be honest, not brutal, talk, don't argue. You married each other because you loved each other, remember that feeling, try to rekindle that feeling for her too.

Life is so very pressured with work etc, make time for yourselves, together and apart. It can all seem so very lonely when you can't share with your partner.

Please try your best, write to her tell her how you feel, encourage her to write back to you. Chances are you have both forgotten just how very much you mean to each other. Let go of the worries and be the people you were, have some fun and relaxation.

You are a good man, just by asking people to help it shows that you haven't given up on the relationship. Good luck to you, be positive, be happy.

Answer 2

you have a stressful job and this could be bleeding into your marriage, if your wife sits on the couch all day do you think that she is feeling depressed and neglected by all the hours you have worked. working with young offenders is a long houred and stressful job maybe you haven't been leaving your work behind and have been bringing it home with you, why don't you book a table for two at a nice restaurant buy your wife some flowers and tell her that you know it cant have been easy for her listening to you about your job and that your sorry if you have taken her for granted, spend some time with your wife and really listen to what she is saying get the loving back into your marriage, even if it means wooing and dating your wife again. I'm not saying that this is all your fault because it takes two to communicate but maybe your wife just needs a sign that you still care if you put in the effort then you know if your marriage still fails you tried your best, i admire you for trying to find the answers and save your marriage, if it works then you ll find your wife will start to open up and talk to you and you can get to the route of this problem, the sex part will follow in due course. i wish you all the luck in the world and hope you fall in love with your wife again, the first step is admitting theres a problem and you've done the hard part well done. your wife may just be feeling alone has she any friends she spends time with while your at work or a job if not then this is a sad and lonely life she is living. now go get her tiger and be happy

Answer 3

Sit her down one last time and tell her if you don't get counseling together than you are going to get a separation. That you believe that she is not interested in fixing your relationship and that you love her but need more. If she doesn't want to help the situation then get a separation for a while and see if that gets her butt into gear. Maybe it just hasn't hit home how serious you are. You have been fighting for a long time maybe she just thinks that's how it goes and nothing will change. Make her know how serious you are. It also could be that she is hoping that you are the one that will get the divorce so she doesn't have to. Come out and ask her if that is it. Maybe you can come to an agreement if that is the case. Just make sure if she won't help the situation you start the process of moving on. Maybe she will see how much she misses you and wants you back. Then you can work from there if you still want to. Good Luck.

Answer 4

How about putting in no uncertain terms that you need to speak about these things and work this out or not. That you can't continue like this and give her a time frame (say 6 months) to talk and work on things before you consider separating. Maybe the jolt of losing you would wake her up dealing w/ the situation. As far as the lack of sex thing that's something you have to choose to do, if it's not there then make it happen. Start by just being more affectionate (even tho you may not want to) kisses, hugs, cuddles in the kitchen, etc. The foundation to a sexual relationship is intimacy on many levels. I think you should start with the sex thing it's very hard sometimes to want to share your emotions with someone you don't feel intimate with. I hope things work out for you and I really think you should try a little longer because it sounds like you do love her very much. Good luck!!

Answer 5

When things get rough in a relationship other people have a way of looking perfect to us. So far you have only seen the good side of this other girl but thats just because you haven't spent enough time with her to see her faults. We all have them and I can assure you she does too. I by no means like the idea of you having to fold and take the blame in every argument and I sure wouldn't advise staying in a relationship that has a tendency to get violent. People sometimes stay because of children and I personally think thats the best reason to leave. Children are very perceptive and you don't want them growing up thinking that your (both of you) behavior is normal. If you love you wife and can see yourself still being together in 5-10 years then try to work it out. On the other side of that note don't postpone the inevitable. If you know its not going to work out the longer you stay the worse off it will be when you try to leave. You have to do whats best for you and for your child. Leave the other girl alone and I promise you will stop thinking about her. Its not that she's that special its just that she is different that what you have been use to for the last 5 years. Anybody would be appealing to you right now since things aren't good with your wife but its not fair to anybody involved that you start a new relationship until you figure out what you are going to do about your current one.

Answer 6

That is sad to hear :(. But if you two are not willing to go seek professional counseling then maybe you should just take a break. Let her know your deal. If she choses to not open up then let her know it may be a good idea to seperate and work out your own issues as individuals. Then after being seperated a while and not getting involved with another female for you or male for her, then you two can get back together to have a meeting about where to go from there. Or just seek a divorce if you see nothing has changed as you both have seeked counseling. Something didnt work in the first place so it is a good idea to get outside help. Good luck. But if she isnt opening up you got to ask yourself what part do you play in it all (not saying either one of you is to blame).

Answer 7

Ask her if she resents you for some reason, and why. It sounds like she has dug her heels in while harboring some resentment and a grudge. Are you REALLY SURE that you are completely in the dark over why she is angry? Since you know what you have argued about before, at least admit to yourself what errors you have made, or what conflicts you have never resolved.
Ask to go to marriage counseling. You might as well try it, right? She will have to talk there, because the therapist will ask her direct questions, and she can't just sit on the couch and do nothing. If she refuses to go, tell her that you are worn out and at your wits end and that if she won't communicate with you then you are going to have to call it quits.
Either it will be a wake-up call or she will let you go.

Answer 8

Hi
Sorry to hear about ur troubles,I to have experienced a similar problem in my relationship. Does your work really affect your home life? Is this something that could do with changing? Do you love your wife enough to consider marriage therapy/counselling? I know it is a miserable existance and especially if the communication is failing to but you must try to improve things before you leave my love otherwise you may well regret it after a while once you have left. Have you asked your wife if she is happy in this relationship? i would start there to see if she feels the same,then suggest counselling if she says she wants to work on it hun but only if you do aswel,if not and you are really unhappy then the other option as many ppl have already said here is a trial seperation,take a break and give yourselves the opportunity to miss what you once had. xx

Answer 9

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!.

It seems to me from the way you describe your relationship that its way past help and you should Go pack a bag and go stay with someone for a week or two. Tell your wife that you love her, tell her that you can't stand the way your married life is at the moment , tell what you are doing why you are doing it!, be strong for yourself!.

Lets face it! its Your own well being is at stake here, so While you are away consider your options!. Think about what you have to gain and loose by staying or leaving your hu happy marriage.

Sometimes the shock of a loved one leaving will actually bring answers - Your wife may come to her senses one way or the other but you know doing nothing is not an option!..

Answer 10

How about a trial separation? That way you can both get time alone/away and not do anything permanent, unless you WANT to still end it. This is a good option especially if there are no children involved. Your wife might be depressed (I would say obviously) and if she won't agree to get help then you can't force her. I know personally from experience that if YOU go get counseling, even without her, it helps YOU because the counselor can tell you how to deal with this! Much good luck to you- it is not an easy life living this way.