Loss of interest in sex. Any suggestions please?

Question

I have lost interest in sex or perhaps I simply no longer fancy my husband!!! Anyone else has this problem? We have 2 small kids and are happy otherwise but I simply have no interest in sex with him. Is this a sign that the relationship is over? Is there a remedy to this? I do not wish to leave him but would prefer to try and find a solution... Please do not send me any useless replies. This is a serious matter and I am in need of advice! Thanks

Answer 1

Try to get someone to watch the kids so you can spend some time with your husband.
Try "dating" him like you did before you got married. Go out for dinner, dancing, or something. Try to arrange some time for the two of you. The responsibilities you have with the kids may be affecting your physical desires. It's probably just stress. If it isn't, maybe you and your husband could get counseling?

Answer 2

TWO. SMALL. KIDS.

What happened before, this? What was was it like when you were pregnant with the first? second? Who is the middle of the night maintenance with the kids, is it 50/50? How old as the kids? How old are you? These are parts that I wish were known, for these and other facts could help lead you in the correct direction.
The first thought was, "Yep, baby blues...". But then I wanted to know how you felt about him. Considering the wording, I'm going to be daring and take a shot here: You are a stay at home Mom, while he goes out to work. And you are not used to being a stay at home anything. Even if you didn't have a job commitment (meaning that you weren't in a job that you wanted to be in forever or enjoyed) you were free to do what you wanted, when you wanted in a blink of an eye. And as you know, that has changed. The point I am trying to get to is the spontaneous things have had no choice but to die. Even the thought of a romantic get away requires the process of not what should I pack and what should I wear and what should we do thats romantic, its: "What should I pack for the kids?" "When do I call?" "How long can I leave the kids with her/them?" "Will I burdening them?" "How long can 'I' be away without missing them terribly?" And after about the tenth thought outweighing your thoughts of a romantic time with him, causes you to fizzle that idea for the kids overtake any thoughts of him nad you together.
Do you have tendencies to fantasize about a romantic getaway (with him or someone else (shhh...) and just when you can really bask in enjoying it that kids flood your thoughts instead? Many people, whether they will outright admit it or not, have children as a damper on their relationship. But I think the reason this happens is because we go by the commercial way of how this happens. Everything else that involves kids in the media today is they have cramped my style and now I'm just a taxi driver with a wallet. I'd suggest this: Start doing things with your husband and the kids. Something secluded if possible and not in indoor areas. Yes, that takes prep time too, but maybe if you see your hubby with the kids and having fun together or just enjoying each other in other places, without the distractions from other things, you may enjoy each others company again and in the end find him attractive for he his with you and the kids and thus lead to him being sexually appealing again.
A doctor will say depression or chemical imbalance so why not skip the pill popping doctors and just go out and get some sun with the family and bond?
Something to think about, if you have say, a great weekend at a camp on a lake with your hubby and the kids and you feel all recharged but the closer you get to home, the more bummed you get, then thats where you need to work on, and counseling and communicating with your husband can help.
Hope something in this helps... Good Luck.

Answer 3

Firstly lets get one thing straight!. There is nothing wrong with you so don't get the idea that you are ill ! - What you describe is very common and is wide spread throughout relationships. its a product of contentment/ lives just get perfunctory.. In fact its probably more common than anyone would believe, its likely that most relationships go periods where sexual activity is all most none existent!. The lack of sex within a relationship doesn't automatically mean that the relationships is over!, so you shouldn't think like that! it is - though it is true that affairs often start when sexual activity at home is in a slump/ or has become so perfunctory its appeal is lost to television or video games!.

I wouldn't say that your relationship is over yet because you Havant said whether you and he have lots of arguments!.- I assume that you have talked to your partner and asked how he feels and openly told him your feelings.. If you haven't t then do so soon!.. Its most important to aire your feelings , otherwise neither of you will know how the other is feeling. .

You need to change your frame of mind!, stop worrying about what's not happening and start doing things that should turn you on!. So take a few minutes and think about what your life was like when you first started dating !. Think about those snatched moments when you couldn't keep your hands off each other!. Think about the lust that you felt for each other!. Think of what it was that attracted you to him! I know it can't exactly how it used to be! just imagine!

Take a look at online or high street lingerie shops!, imagine buying things! - or buy some naughty undies and sex toys -things that you feel good about and would add something extra! -, suggest taking a weekend away to rekindle your lust for each other! - or even better a week away without the kids, think about sun sea sangria! with sexy siesta afternoons!. just what a girls needs huh!.

Also you could try text flirting with him!. send him naughty text messages telling him what you'd like him to do to you ! - and what you would like to do to him! -. Use your imagination you'd be surprised the effect it can have.

Have fun!.

Answer 4

I think alot of women experiece this when they have been with someone a long time and have kids. Most of ur energy probably goes into the kids and its hard to find the romance anymore as u are probably running after the kids. He is probably feeling the same. Why not put a night a side for just the 2 of u and make it a romantic night. Candles have a bath together and a nice meal. Send the kids to their grans or a friends house. Maybe once the 2 of u are alone and doing something like u used to before the kids all those loving feelings can be rekindled. U clearly love him still or u wouldnt be asking how to improve ur situation its just going to take a bit of effort from both of u. Hope it goes well for u good luck

Answer 5

I imagine you are focused on the children right now. It is better to accept that this is normal within a long term relationship and that the lack of interest in sex with your partner will pass.

Personally, I would keep having sex (you'll have to reach a compromise with your partner) even if it means just going through the motions. I'll tell you why. There are bags of married men out there who are always looking for extra-marital sex because they don't get enough at home. As a single woman, I'm having lovely sex with two married men at present on a casual basis. Be warned.

Answer 6

It is perfectly natural to lose interest in sex, especially after being with the same partner for an extended time. That's the good news. The better news is that your sex drive will return. The best news is that you don't need to do anything for this to happen. Don't worry about it; and don't worry about going on dates, or thinking of other people, or any of that other advice. Your sex drive will return, and there is no way of 'forcing' it to return on your terms. You might wake up in six months and find yourself pulling frantically at your husbands pj's. It might happen in six weeks, or six days. Don't force it, and don't stress over it. In the meantime, enjoy the other pleasures that you and your husband are able to give to each other. Find joy in the companionship you share, find laughter in the way your children make you feel, and find love in the fact that you can stay with your husband even when the fire is smouldering instead of burning.

Answer 7

Is this the first time you've felt like this? I love chocolate but some days i just don't feel like it... you getting me?
You should expect lulls from time to time and rejoice when the appetite returns. It's too complex a question for me to give a full answer but what can help (if it's relevant) is cutting back on any other vices you may have such as food, booze or surfing the internet - maybe if you starve yourself of something you really like your appetite for it may help stimulate your general appetite for ie lust , and then you get back your desire to get it on?? Or try the usual stimulants with fancy underwear (his and hers!), role play or porn, suggest making out in the grrrreat outdoors.. we are gettin into the warmer weather now... main thing is talk to him and see if he feels the same, if it turns out your both frustrated and you start talking about it that might be all you need to release the tension and start making up for lost time..., there's more to relationships than sex (just not much thats has the same fun factor).

Answer 8

Hi, I had this problem for a little while with my BF . We have been together for years and it was only about a year ago that i started to lack interest in sex. I think sometimes the same routine can cause loss of interest in sex especially bcos u know whats coming. Variety is the spice of life,trying new things even if it seems a bit daunting or over the top. Sexy underwear works to. Tracy Cox has a very good book on these issues,she says women who lose interest should masturbate more and try to think of sex alot more to. Apparently us women should make more of an effort to have sex even if we are not feeling that sexy,its one of those things ..the more you do it the more you want it!!! My partner and i have been doing the Hunt for G spot lol its one of the nicest things i have ever experienced and obviously makes me want to experience it more which equals me having abit more interest. last but no means least..take time out to pamper yourself,make yourself feel sexy again. x

Answer 9

Wow, it's like I'm reading about me. I have thought of asking but I've been afraid that he'll somehow see it or maybe I didn't want to accept it. We don't have kids. We only got back together a year ago, so I don't understand. But I went through the same thing when we were together the first time, I was very attracted to him when I met him but with time I lost interest in sex with him. Do you think of other men? I did. I don't know what it is, he is a great man. But I think I've been wanting to hold on to this relationship because he's the only man I've met that's treated me well. Reading one of the responses above, I don't really like how we do it, I don't get much pleasure. I've asked him for foreplay but he either doesn't or I just want to get it overwith so I also skip it. I am a little unhappy about my life right now, maybe that's why too. I don't know.

Answer 10

is your husband a good lover? Do you know how to get into the mood? Maybe you just need some alone time away from the kids or massage each other. You may want to confide into your husband asking him for help to inspire you.
I think too much talk of bills, kids etc can also kill the mood. Go out on a date with him and talk about stuff that has nothing to do with daily chores and obligations or try something new and exciting together.