It has been 3 yrs since we got married. I am a field worker & lived most of my time away from my home. she lives with her friend working as if it is her own home. now I am home to live with her but b/se of our repeated fights she finally decides a divorce. I remember that I have beaten her twice. She is saying 'I can't believe you b/se you appologized many times & you are on the same route'. I tried to convince her but she refused. I heard that also she is sick of a headache. I don't even want her friend to live with us b/se she becomes our barrier. what i feel now is that I need my wife but she doesn't believe me. And I love to make love to her twice atleast once a day but she lost interest on it b/se she says I am running for sex than love. I really need help.
2007-06-03 23:00:45 · 10 answers · asked by Chelefe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do need help. Serious help.
You're an abuser. You've beaten your wife and your instinct is to isolate her.
You try to convince her? That means you're not listening, you're just telling her over and over why she's wrong. She's supposed to accept your point of view, but why should she do that? Her needs and opinions are every bit as important as your needs and opinions.
You beat her, you want sex twice a day and you don't care what she cares about, you just want to know how to make her issues go away.
Barrier? Her friend is a barrier? Her friend is a lifeline to what normal, caring, supportive relationships are like.
You should pay attention to how her friend treats her. You're not a friend, nor are you a decent partner and she's well rid of you.
2007-06-03 23:19:58 · answer #1 · answered by lmerrittaz 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm...
Beaten her twice in 3 years of marriage?
Wait... "I remember that I have beaten her twice?!!"
Sounds like a drinking problem. If not, sounds like her friend is more there for witnessing. Also, sounds like you are in the outer part of the loop. I know YOU are asking for help so here is what I suggest:
You know the saying love something let it go...?
Let her go, GET HELP.
Figure out what is causing YOU to react this way. As for her... You are a field worker and NOW you are home. Why are you home now? Concerned about what she is doing while you are away? Granted, yes, there is a chance that since you are gone for a long time and her friend is with her, there is a good chance in three years that she may have an eye on someone else. And yes, she is probably tired of being at home man-less. But also she's been living under you and your income. It's hard to say without hearing her story and most likely, if she has been eying other men while you have been away, you will never know it, only second hand at best. Do yourself a favor, get a divorce and enjoy the dating scene or go back to field work. She has decided that the rest of her life with you is not worth working out and she has a friend to fuel her thoughts on this. Its a lose/lose. In the end, you both will be hurt more than you are already.
The only other thought is this: Offer to get counseling, or agree on a system where you both can stop the arguing and sit and talk, and MEAN IT! But only under the condition that the friend move out. Visit, fine, but a compromised agreement on how much and often. (Example caution: Don't just say that she cant be here overnight, cause she'll be there when the sun comes up and she'll stay there till its time for bed) She says no, throw her out with her friend (unless it is an apartment, then you move out) and then get a divorce. Who knows, you may communicate better separated and work it out... But from the sounds of it, its not likely, sorry.
2007-06-03 23:29:55 · answer #2 · answered by avengress 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Stop the sex issue right away. A man can have sex even in the middle of a fight but not so with women. There's a huge difference between men and women, you've got understand that.
What your wife needs from you right now is at the top of the list love, trust, concerned, care not sex. Just be there for her and try to understand how pain. If you keep asking for sex, you're making things worse. Don't be selfish pleaseeeeeeesssssss
yes, her friend and sex are the real barriers here. Be a man and act wisely. Hey! if your temper is that bad, then please, don't let her friend go.........you might just end up killing her. huh!
2007-06-04 02:30:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You certainly do need help. Not just with the relationship, but with yourself. Amazing that you can say "I beat her twice, all we do is fight and all I want is sex". What the hell's the matter with you? Any woman would want a divorce!
You obviously don't know how to treat a woman. Don't you know, if you love this woman (I don't know how she could love you), but don't you know if it's love you will naturally do anything to make her happy? That is your wife. Don't you have any respect for this woman? Well, you also don't know what love is.
You have to make her happy. You can't fight and expect her to want to be with you and love when she sees you if that's the way your causing her to live. Why would anyone want to come home to a miserable relationship. That's not what marriage is all about. What are you in competition? Your suppose to be a man.
A man is a fabulous person, with a heart as good as gold. If he's a man. He would have love, respect, communicate and make it excellent for his wife.
Why don't you grow up and instead of being another failure in this world, save the marriage.
2007-06-03 23:20:10 · answer #4 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems that there are communication problems in the relationship and that she has some grievances about you and she never got a chance to sit down and talk them through with you. You should have a good, quiet talk with her and ask her to discuss everything nasty about the relationship. Do this with a determined heart to resolve all issues by the end of the session.
You need to prove to your wife that you do love her.
And you should never hit a woman!
2007-06-03 23:08:48 · answer #5 · answered by floozy_niki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being that you two lived apart so long you two need to work on living together again, which means it has caused a different mind set for her... you two need to build your relationship up again, communication skills need help, and the live in friend needs to move out so you two can live as a couple again.....
2007-06-04 01:33:40 · answer #6 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You blew it Bud the minute you hit her, as far as I'm concerned she should dump you and, fast.
It sounds like she has tension headaches from being around you, maybe the fear of a beating again. I think you both need consulting and a separate maintenance for awhile to see what the problem is. In the meantime she should start a separation notice for you, get you out of the house.
2007-06-03 23:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You got that right, mate, you do need help. All the help you can get. I would suggest that you start with some professional anger-management counselling so that you won't have to be an abusive husband again, should you be lucky enough at some point down to road to re-marry.
2007-06-03 23:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First stop running for sex after your wife and truly start loving her.
2007-06-03 23:15:38 · answer #9 · answered by Prashant S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prior to anything, you have to do this: HELP YOURSELF first, consult to a professional Psychiatrist or a good Counselor to help you, what bothers you, and solve your problem, and start a new life. You can not find solution to your problem if you dont know what is your problem.
Then, if you do promise not to beat her or anyone else, PLEASE do and keep ur promise.
GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-06-03 23:25:44 · answer #10 · answered by dhel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋