Husband never wants sex. Why?

Question

Married for 2 years. Husband never wanted or wants sex. He is such a kind, peaceful man and loving, but he doesn't hug me, kiss me, touch me or wants sex. Whenever we talk about it, he says I'm thinking about everything else and I'm so worried. So sex is the last thing in my mind. But I love you very much.

From the day one of our marriage, we have been very broke, between jobs, never enough money. So he says he is thinking about money all the time. and also his parents are very old (65 yrs), and he is always worried about their health.

He doesn't believe in councling, so that option is closed to us. I have a feeling that this problem may continue to exist for the rest of our life as problems never go away.

I don't know if I should continue to wait and struggle to see maybe he changes when the life is totally settled down which may never takes place, continue living like flatmates,,,,

Or I shall break the holiness bonding of marriage to find passion elsewhere?

Answer 1

My husband has a very low sex drive and refused to go to the doctor or talk to a counselor regarding depression/stress. I don't feel like your husband is gay/bi, I think it is probably just depression/stress and maybe his past sexual relationships weren't good. Maybe he feels like HE isn't good in bed. Do you lovingly tell him when you are intimate how much you love him and how good he is? Show/tell him what you like and try new things together and re-inforce his confidence. That might help.

Please don't give up on him. He sounds like a great guy with a low sex drive. You will have to ask yourself if it is worth it to leave him for someone else or if you can live with rare sex. If you stay with him, understand it is not YOU, but issues he has. Invest in some personal toys for yourself. You may need them if you stay.

Good luck.

Answer 2

At some point in your life you will make that decision. If he cares enough about you he will go to counseling, if not he/you could face consequences that can make or break any marriage. I would try my best to make this clear to him. He most likely will not listen to you. If you are young it will be harder for you to remain faithful unless you have a lot of patience and can accept living like this from now on. There is a problem here that should be addressed. For some couples once a month is enough sex, for others twice a week. Touching, hugging and kissing is important to some people more than others. Sometimes one person is more needy than another in a relationship. His stubbornness is not helping the situation. I feel the last person that will be able to convince him of this is you. He must go for help if your marriage is to survive. Get someone to help explain this to him. This could be a medical problem as well on his part, and quite possibly an emotional one. He may have some deep rooted sexuals issues that need to come to surface. Right now you don't understand what it is, so you may be thinking the problem is you. Going to counseling alone will not help except to make you want him to go with you even more. You will end up feeling more alone in a matter that you can't work out by yourself. This is also his problem too, if he wants your marriage to work. Been there and done that. Unless he gets help or tries to understand you, there is little hope.

Answer 3

Don't look else where you might find some one to have sex with but at what cost , the loss of your ever so confused soul mate .That is a high price to pay for some thing you can resolve with conversation and closeness.
Sit the boy down and tell him plain and simple that you are partners and that you have needs his job as your husband is to fill your needs both as a provider and as a lover his preoccupation with his financial woes will be the end of a real and caring relationship if he you two can not work out this problem ,after all it is love making not accountancy it takes a few hours at best . he must love and desire you after all he married you
Ask him if he has an emotional problem with sex with you or if it is perhaps a physical thing , because you need him in you and your bed ( sorry if that sounds crude but its put simple and honest)

Answer 4

It will not improve with time. And you need and deserve to have affection, so don't try to wait it out. Is there any way you can convince him to go to a counselor? I have a feeling the problem is more deep-rooted than can be solved by something simple. Although you could always try taking him on some kind of vacation, maybe a weekend for just the two of you, somewhere romantic and not too expensive. Let him know what you want, and how important it is to you.

Good luck, and don't go "looking for passion elsewhere" until you've exhausted all your options. And for goodness sake, don't go looking for passion elsewhere while you're still married.

Answer 5

Good God.......I am totally shocked at the responses people are giving you to a very sensitive question you have asked. I cannot believe the insensitivity of people on this site. Being told to leave your partner over a problem that probably has a really easy solution shows exactly why there are so many divorces........people don't want to put the effort into making a partnership/marriage work.......it is easier just to walk away. I work in the medical arena and I can tell you that there are many reasons why your partner may not be his usual self with you. I would be urging him to get medical assistance to find out why he is libido is down. Talk gently with him. This would be very difficult for him to come to terms with and he probably feels he is hurting your feelings constantly as well. This is not easy for either one of you. So just start with the medical professionals and work your way from there. I truly hope that you find a resolution to this very sensitive problem. Try not to listen to the negative people on this site. You have a very real problem within your relationship and you reached out for help and got a hefty dose sarcasm.

Answer 6

I completely understand you. I am 29 and have been married for almost 4 years. My husband also tells me he is tired and stressed with work. He is not a sexual person. I love him and I have thought about having sex with someone else, but my beliefs are too strong to do so. Buy a toy and try self satisfaction. Then try to have a serious talk with your husband.

If he is not into talking to a professional then buy him a book. Seek alternatives, but don´t cheat no matter how bad it gets because that will break the marriage.

Answer 7

Somethings that causes men to not want sex are, to much porn, alcohol, drugs, overweight, older age or maybe it seems like a chore and he can't have it how he wants it sometimes, like a good hard quicky is what some men want because woman can take a long time to please sometimes and that's where good health comes in he needs to be fit and energized.
After a long marriage sex isn't something that is so exiting anymore to most guy's. Its like say you buy a porno well months down the road it gets old right. Same thing with you your an old porno that he has seen over and over. Maybe don't let him see you naked for a couple weeks.

Answer 8

Dont cheat hun. You need to seriously talk to him about needs. We all have them and as a married coulple you should be making love. I know he worries so much but if people worried about everything we'd be completely nuts. Explain to him that he is only one person. And that he cannot save the world. He should handle one problem at a time. I would suggest he or you get another job and put his parents in some sort of life insurance if he hasn't already. His obligations are to you first. All his problems must make him feel less of a man and hat could be why sex is out.Tell him what he means to you.gl hun.

Answer 9

Hi,

interesting: a man who does not want sex! pretty far from the madding crowd. Have you singled out that he could be gay? (i am serious). or better do you think he knows what his orientation is? no touch, huggs etc.......do you know what happened in his childhood/past? why is he unable to express it? he sounds like a nice guy, just not the one you want a close bond with?! Not an easy one .........
you deserve all the things you want in your live and i think there is a reason why you find yourself in this particular situation......if you would be able to look beyond frustration and dissapointment do you think there is a message /lesson etc something maybe ou needed/need to learn from the situation?
People should stay togethe because they want to stay together not because they are married.

Answer 10

I believe your husband is disfunctional, it's more than just stress. Or, he marry u not because he love u and he cheating on u . Really sorry for u sarah.

I've write bad things, but it's all I can think about your situation.
but I might be wrong.

If your husband won't go for counseling, you should go alone and do it for your sake