Am I the only fool out there?

Question

In every single pass relationship I have never been the one to brake it off and leave.I was always left being in love with them.I see that most people change how they feel toward one another after they start to have a lot of problems. Lot's of arguing ,saying and doing bad things to each other.I can have a hundred arguments, be treated badly.And my loyalty,devotion and love will not falter a bit.I now no why. I have this mothering thing about me. That if you do something wrong I don't get mad I try to teach you what's right.So therefor like a mother does I forgive with unconditional love.And my love is never effected I've pride myself for being a really understanding person.But let's face it . I'm really a fool.My husband of five years has been treating me really badly. Doing everything to me he could think of that makes me mad.Because he doesn't really want to be married to me any more.Am I the only fool out there ?

Answer 1

I see co-dependency. I am a classic case, which I have to work on often.

A co-dependent is someone who can't seperate themselves from their significant other (where I go/he goes, if he's mad at the world/so am I, if he's mad at me/ I am mad at me, if he's happy with me/I'm happy with me). They also have a fear of rejection. Often, they will not have a normal reaction to an emotional assault. Ex.: If my husband is mad at me, I must have done something wrong, so I deserve whatever I get. If I react, then he will get mad and leave. I have to do what ever it takes to make him love me again.

Because this manifests itself in a caring and nuturing personality, most people don't realize they are marrying a co-dependent. By the time the true nature of the personality is present, it is like a hostage (using guilt, submission, and manipulation).

There is a difference between love and self-respect. I can love my husband, but have enough self-respect to find certain treatment unacceptable.

There is also a difference between loyalty and devotion, and fear. I am loyal and devoted to my husband. I am also afraid of rejection and being alone. I tend to use 'being loyal to my family' as a justification to stay in a bad situation, because I am afraid to be alone.

You are not a fool. You just may need some help to seperate you from your husband. If he is having a bad day, you don't have to. If he is angry, you don't have to be. It has taken me a couple of years to recognize some of my unhealthy behaviors and reactions. I am still working on changing it. It took years for you to develop this, and it will take time (and professional help) to change it.

There is a group called CODA (Co-Dependency Anonymous). Google it and call and talk to someone. They can give you some info and advice. Also, contact your MD for a referral to a Therapist or Counselor for some professional guidance.

I am not a dr. or a professional in this. I am someone who was diagnosed with it at 15, struggled thru 1 bad marraige, alcoholism/addiction, and a rocky second marraige. I am happy to report that my husband and I made it thru and we are clean and sober (3 yrs).
BTW: Most co-dependents are women, and it is more common than you think!!!!!

Good Luck!!

Answer 2

No. In fact you helped me better understand myself. I'm in a similar situation, except I am not married yet, engaged. Anyway, like the song says "Everyone Plays The Fool." I'm sorry to hear these things are going on. Even though you are the mothering type, I kind of have to wonder if you also suffer from self esteem issues? You really have to know that you deserve better and that you do not need this type of abuse. I'm never one to say, hey, abandon your marriage. If your husband does not wish to be married, then he should file for divorce. If that's not what he wants, you two need to seek counseling and perhaps you should as well, for yourself. You deserve the best so don't just accept less. God bless.

Answer 3

Frankly, unconditional love is for Mother Teresa. So cut the crap.

Just ask yourself why you pick the same kind of guys all the time. Something about your selection process and criteria. It is said that girls like bad boys to start and then hoping to change them, which usually end up in disaster and disappointments, but that's the romantic imagination of women.

Next question: do men want bad girls or good girls? They want bad girls to play with and good girls to marry. Men who are serious about marriage and raising families are more realistic about changing bad girls (or women who have gone around the block a few times) and they'd rather not. Only bad boys play with bad girls for marriage.

Based on what you said, you have been around the block in bad relationships, whether it is your fault of not. Good men question your ability to choose. So all these "sacrafices" you say you do, you are barking at the wrong tree.

Answer 4

You're not the only fool out there. But what you're doing is not mothering. It's not unconditional love either. You just don't think you deserve better and you're willing to accept any kind of abuse. That's why all your relationships have ended up with men falling out of love with you and leaving you. Even the abusive men out there are getting tired of you not standing up for yourself and demanding some respect. My god, even your husband has taken his abuse to the limit just to see what you would put up with. I think it's time for you to get some serious psychotherapy.

Answer 5

No, you joined me. Now I am single and afraid of serious relationships. I never want to be treated that way again.
I left my ex of 6.5 years after I poured a fresh can of ground coffee and the soil of a potted plant on top of his head. Needless to say I never went back to the jerk and he never wanted me back.

Answer 6

no you're not and your husband should be thankful that he has found someone like you... loving unconditionally doesn't make you a fool or someone a fool...
you know your worth as a person and we know that someone doesn't deserve to be treated badly... learn to love yourself more.. address your concern to your husband... i know you really have a good and i wish you peace of mind...

Answer 7

Your not the only fool out there. You need to find a happy medium between making yourself happy and making others happy.

Answer 8

Woman like you are great for a good man. But not a bad man or somebody who uses people.

Answer 9

every body makes follies but fools are some and that is the person who never understands love

Answer 10

it often happens when we love too much.no,you're not a fool but the most loving person on earth.