How to react when husband lovingly asks me to lose weight?

Question

I know my husband loves me; he tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and that he likes me for me. But tonight before bed he very gingerly tried to tell me that:

1) he doesn't know how to bring up this topic without it going bad (because every time we have these talks I can't help but get upset, hurt and self-conscious)

2) he would really love it if I could lose a few pounds before our vacation... and wishes I'd be more self-motivated to do so instead of relying on him to make us exercise.

I know he has the best intentions -- and I am totally willing to try harder and to do it for him because I do love him -- but I can't help but feel hurt! Because it just tells me that when he looks at me, he's thinking, "sigh, I wish she'd lose weight." It makes me want to hide away and not be vulnerable for him anymore.

Husbands - how do you wish your wife would react? Wives - what do you say to this?? How can I react in an receptive way?

Right now I'm just not talking to him...

By the way... not that this is that relevant, but I'm not that overweight -- I only really need to lose like 10-15 pounds to be back in my target BMI range (but it's harder to do and keep doing than it seems!).

Oh yeah, and part of the reason I'm not talking to him is because he fell asleep before we'd really talked it through.

And he's still asleep. :-(

Answer 1

Remember this...your husband loves you. He does not want to hurt you. Sometimes we have to tell the ones we love things that may hurt, but it is still in their best interest. He is trying to be loving about this. There are men out there who are belittling and mean when it comes to weight. He knows it is a sensitive issue, but he loves you enough to take the risks for reasons that are beyond just your beauty. This is health as well. He finds you beautiful. He will always look at you with the eyes of love, but that doesn't mean he does not want you to care about your physical health and beauty too.

Don't stop talking to him because of this. Tell him how you feel. You don't want to be vulnerable, but our spouse is the one person we are supposed to be vulnerable to. A successful married couple need to be able to be comfortable voicing all opinions to each other. Especially when they are voiced with love. You don't want him to close up on you when it comes to concerns do you?

I am married, and though my ego might be a bit hurt if my husband wasn't completely thrilled with my weight. I still know he loves me, and I would want and do want to be the best me I can be for both of us.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

It proves how unfair the world is when women talk about equal right. Wives have no problem telling their husband to lose a few pounds --- stick it to you whether you like to hear it or not. But wives have problem accepting the same message, all the hurt and everything. Honesty takes a backseat to feelings!!

And you are still trying to downplay the message-- just a few pounds over, not that bad. STill want to look good even in cyberspace.

Answer 4

Well losing weight and being fit can only be healthy for you in the long run, so try and look at the ends, not the means. And some men can be downright cruel with their comments, reactions and snide jokes. I have a friend whose wife really piled on the weight after their first baby and he makes cracks about it all the time, in front of us, when she is around and others too.
Can you imagine how hurt she is (but she still hasnt lost the weight! she is obese too and u end up wondering how long she can take it and why doesnt she just TRY to lose a few pounds).
Your husband was kind about it, try not to take it personally. If you wanted to tell him to change something about his haircut or dress sense, how would you feel if he took it personally and felt attacked when all you were trying to do is help your life partner make healthy choices? It would make you close up and feel afraid to tell him what you honestly think. And that too he said it with kindness, not out of spite.
At least think of it this way: your hubby is coming to you and telling you honestly what he wants from you instead of keeping it to himsef and lying and telling you that u look great in the dress.
Just try, start with portion control of healthy food, and go for small jogs. Once you lose the weight you'll feel awesome about yourself and feel sexy for your husband too, plus, you get to wear great stuff on that vacation!
Good luck.

Answer 5

Men are visual creatures and like their women to look good!
Obviously, your husband does love you and is trying to be nice to you, but at the same time, he is being honest and he should be honest. Would you rather he lie to you or start becoming repulsed at you and not know how to communicate his needs at all? Of course you feel hurt. You wish your husband would be as attracted to you no matter what. Be thankful that you have a husband who is a good and honest communicator. Try to understand that he just wants you to look your best. If we're only talking about 10 pounds here, it should be totally easy for you! Go ahead, drop the pounds, get a really hot looking bikini and then threaten him if he gains one pound or gets one wrinkle!!!

Answer 6

I tried this exact same tactic on my wife about 10 or so years ago before things were out of hand. Long story short, she choose to ignore my concerns and now, 10 years later, she's easily 100 lbs over her ideal weight, has high blood pressure, thyroid issues, and is at the threshold of diabetes. Not to mention that the obeisity has turned what was once a truly beautiful woman into, well I don't want to say it. It's sad.

Answer 7

If you were happy being 10-15 lbs over your limit, you should have just told him that. Although to be honest with you, if you are saying 10-15, I'm guessing 25-30 at least.

That the subject has apparently come up before without a positive result, tells me that either he is anal and can't catch a clue or that you are being too much of a marshmallow in both spirit and body to be as open and honest with him as he says he is trying to be with you.

Answer 8

boy is he in for a shock when age and gravity get the better of your fantastic curves.
My wife is a beautiful woman she is not a small woman but she is a sexy looking curvaceous woman I loved her slim and I love her curvy. tell your hubby you will lose the weight when he gets a real perception of how to talk to a woman , 1st: 10 pounds is nothing its a good sweat twice a week at the gym for a month, so when you want to you can drop those little pounds but I stress when ***YOU*** want to.
second is the weight really going to ruin your or his holiday .
As for falling a sleep he was probably worn out with worry bringing up such a subject so don't be to angry . but let him sweat a while because he knows he's hit a raw nerve.

Answer 9

Your gave yourself away or rather your husband. You must be a super sensitive person whose feeling are easily hurt and that's why he pre-empt his request before speaking.

I think you may be secretly or sub-consciously putting on weight because you want to discourage him from having moe sex or maybe easing the pain from certain unresolved guilt that are bothering you.

When your husband ask , it only means the are hidden reasons . Maybe he want to be proud of you infront of his friends whose wives may be in great shape !
Or maybe she feel you are eating too much and hung up on food. So to put it in an indirect way which is the case with most woman. Woman problem are not with sex as man is but FOOD

Ok , enough for today.

Answer 10

Well, I told my husband the same thing, except I added on that I was worried about his health and our sex life. He reacted well and started losing weight. If he brought it up, I'd react with rational. Yes, okay, you feel like he's looking at you and wishing you would lose weight, but logically? Does that even make sense? No, of course not! The man loves you, but that doesn't mean he has to love the flab. You are not your body.

There are plenty of reasons why someone who loves you would want you to lose weight. One is that it's healthier. Physically, you'll feel better and have more energy, your mood will improve and you'll be able to sleep better at night and you'll live longer. Think about it like he wants more years with you.