I don't get this at all , My husbands behavior.?

Question

Every time my husband and I get into any kind of disagreement it always turns into a fight. He packs up and leave and always goes to his brothers house.Bad mouths me really badly.Because he seems to need to have people feel sorry for him. He does things like yell at me really loud if I say something he doesn't like in front my grandchildren, or his son who visits us.If I say please don't yell the kids are here . He'll yell even more.And when I tell him to stop he starts saying terrible things like,he needs know whats going on,he needs to know that we're going to get a divorce.Or this. One day we were at his sons house and were in an disagreement I was keeping it low.We were discussing something about finances.
and how he broke a promise. He yells" At least I wasn't spending money on drugs.( I'm a recovering addict )I tell him to keep it down his son is down stares. He say really loud, he needs to know whats going on,that you were a drug addict.What kind of behavior is this ?

Answer 1

He's very ignorant, that's not a put down, it's just a fact. He is immature and a waste of good words. If you spend the rest of your life trying to teach him proper etiquette he still will not behave properly. He is spiteful, and abusive. You should let him know that even though you are a recovering addict, you know how to treat people. Pack your things and move along. When he high tails it to his son's house tell him good bye and I hope you find what it is you're looking for, because apparently I'm not it. Tell him you are not gonna speak to me any kind of way you like, you will not talk down to me in front of people nor behind closed doors, you will not throw my past in my face when ever you are not mature enough to handle an adult conversation and you won't give people your version of me and then continue to live with me. As it stand, you can live by yourself, living with him could drive a person to assault charges and he's just not worth all of that. Congradulation on your recovery and keep taking steps toward a greater life, help someone with your same addiction. When he say things like his son need to know that you were an addict... you stop the conversation, call the son or person that he is trying to degrade you in front of and tell them... Yes I am a recovering addict, it was a hard life that I choose to put myself into, but God has blessed me to recover and think on a whole different level. This way you get to testify about your problem and your victory and most importantly, you get to take the power that he Think he has. He think he's bringing you to shame, but really he is the one that looks crazy.

Answer 2

I'll be honest, I can relate to the issues your husband has, because I used to have those same issues awhile back in my marriage. I would yell, be out of control and run off, but to another room. I ended up going to Anger Mgmt class to help stop these fits of anger. It really helped me to understand why I got so angry.

There are many reasons: he wants HIS way, meaning he is selfish about things and wants people to side with HIM, like his brother. He may have alot of pride and doesn't want anyone telling him he is wrong, so he gets angry about it. Then he will point the finger right back at you to cover up his faults. He needs to realize that he has a problem with his temper that's going to destroy things.

I learned that when you have an argument, if it starts getting tense, take a break! Cool off, and come back again when you're thinking straight. Hopefully that will help cool things down a bit.

If you're a believer, pray! Again I'll tell you from experience, prayer gave me incredible love for my wife! God changed my heart completely around! I'm still amazed at what He did.

I hope this helps and hope things change for your marriage! =)

Answer 3

Sounds like your husband has some insecurities with regard the marriage. In addition, the need to take control. Perhaps when you were using (Congrats on your recovery :-)) he was left holding things together at times. If your husband is not an addict or a recovering addict, he still will need his own recovery with regard to the "knew" you. Maybe he can go to other meetings while you attend yours, etc. Also, you may want to talk to him about the two of you seeking marriage counseling. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 4

At least you are recovering.What is his problem.what you don't know is that your hubby is an addict too.His behavior shows all the classic signs of a drug addict.He keeps bringing up your past to cover up his.you may not think so now but you will find out soon enough.You do not deserve this.Next time he packs and leaves change the locks.Find the best lawyer money can buy and pursue vigorous divorce proceedings.make sure he pays for every penny you spend

Answer 5

My ex did the same thing with me. This is an example of emotional manipulation. He is justifying his behavior by making you out to be the villain and tearing you apart. Hon, you don't need this. If he wants to leave let him. You have obviously gone through a lot with recovering from your addiction and you deserve to have peace in your life and in your house. If you still love him then talk with him. Maybe you guys can get into marriage counseling but if he continues this then it is time to go and move on from this. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

He wants a divorce- he is doing EVERYTHING you ask him not to do just to piss you off and see if you leave- and since you don't he leaves you!!! If you are still using- get out of this relationship by going into detox--and then get out and start a new life for yourself-- if you don't have family where you are living now, move to a new city---his family hates you so why be around them....he is doing everything but coming right out and saying I hate you and I want a divorce-- by the way--see an attorney first--there may be a reason in your state WHY he is not coming out with those words---get the low down on what you are entitled to first......good luck

Answer 7

This is abbusive and controlling behaviour of a child mentallity not an adult. You have the right not to have your personal issues aired in public, and if he cannot respect you enough to do that then do not respect him any lomger by gracing him with your love. I say this all the time and I cannot emphasise this enough, we get one life and you should live that life happy and not mentally abused like this. If he loved and respected you then he wouldn't bring up your past and he wouldnt try to embarass you on pupose. Be strong and either suggest you get marriage councilling or be firm and tell him you will no longer accept his controlling and disrespectful behaviour. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

definite of course if he's changing his password each and all the time he remains hiding this from you. If he reported he could provide you finished get admission to then gets mad once you ask to verify then he has no longer replaced. All you needed replaced into insurance you will have faith him returned. All he needed replaced right into a controversy. the full suicide element, i think of is a thank you to administration you. He knows it scares you. you do no longer decide directly to verify him injury so as that's your reason to stay. in case you truly think of his suicide tries are a controversy and you adore him get help for him regardless of in case you will desire to arise with a psychological wellness middle because of the fact of course therapy isn't determining too properly.

Answer 9

Basically, he wants out of this relationship. You should want out too rather than put up with such an abusive behavior. I know it's easier said than done, but this man is not good for your self-esteem and your recovery process. And to be honest, since your son is all grown up and a family man of his own, your husband is not a good model for how your son should behave. Trust me..... finding someone else that will care for you is not as hard as it seems.... Besides... it won't be easy to do WORSE than now

Answer 10

It the behavior of a man who thinks his marriage is over and is very upset about it - and has no clue how to talk to you anymore, if you ever did know how to talk to each other.

You have to stop playing mother, stop telling him what to do, or how to do...he is your husband not your child. Having a discussion about your finances at his son's house was EXTREMELY inappropriate. That is a subject you discuss when you are in the privacy of your ownhome, and no one is around. Once again, he probably felt like you were acting more like his mother than his wife.

Going to his brother's house - is very typical behavior for a man who is angry - they have to get out of the situation in order to get their head on straight. So what if he badmouths you - he'sangry. You are bad mouthing him on here right now - it's venting, it happens. His brother understands.

The two of you need to get into marriage counseling, you need to learn anew wayof communicating about important issues - it has come down to yelling and fights because you two are frustrated with each other,...just as you feel he doesn't listen to you - he feels you don't listen to him, so instead of re-explaining in a different way, he resorts to yelling and you resort to acting parental, and in ways more than likely, although unintentional, demeaning him as a man.

Until counseling, One of you, and since you are the one looking for the advice I suggest it is you....if an argument starts to get out of control, then STOP. Take a deep breath and say honey, I love you, and we are both getting too upset, let's just both stop and when we calm down, lets try to talk again, right now this isn't getting us anywhere, okay. I'm sorry we are fighting.

Then maybe, if it is actually important enough, you can talk about it later - but more than likely it was apetty argument that just needed to be ended, and doesn't need to be brought up again.

In the meantime, try to watch how "mom" you get on him, trust me, it's a HUGE reason why he goes through the roof and starts screaming.