Have you alienated your family and friends?

Question

Since returning from overseas, i have had depression, seen a counsellor and tkaing meds, but the trigger was returning and since returning all i have been saying is that i dont want to be there, at home, with my family, and that i no longer get along with my friends etc etc i have been a horrible bperson refusing to do anything with any of them and just wingeing about everything, now i have no idea what to do, i have burnt my bridges with nearly everyone, my mum said she doesnt want me at home anymore and i have no where to go as all my firends are sick of me and who would want to be around someone that just complains all the time, i dont blame any of them but i have no idea how to repair the damage i have done to my life........has anyone else had this problem?

Answer 1

I have. I have had PSTD. Usually what happens when you return from war is post traumatic stress disorder. There is no reason people should discriminate against disabilities. I realize I might not have been shot in the arm, but I feel like I am wearing a crutch and sometimes need pills to sleep at night, pills to work. It sucks.

You are not alone. Find a support group of people with similiar problems. Have whatever it is diagnosed.

I had to take my mother with me to a pychologist-counceller. She told my mother about my condition and the best way to work with it. Mental illness affects a community. Everybody gets depression in their lives at some point, is unhappy for more than two weeks. It just means you survived something really rough, so kudos to you.

You should have your mother and you to the counsellor/psychologist. Then take your close friend with you. Is there a support group for friends of trauma survivors?

My friends quietly stopped seeing me as often. When you saw hell on earth, other people don't want to know that such a place exists and are in denial to such an extent they'd rather not lose you as a friend than deal with the difficult truth.

Write a letter of apology to everyone who you burnt a bridge with. Say, "I am sorry, however I may have hurt you. I came back with a broken soul, but you can't see them, I am not in crutches, so you expect me to act normal, like I was before I witnessed hell on earth. I will tell you what I saw and how it affected me, so I apologize deeply if I hurt you." Then you go on and say someone of the most gruesome things you saw so they get the picture, other guys saw. Just the facts, but steven king novel-like ones. After that, you say, these things affected me. What would you do if you saw that? Seriously, I don't know what I should do. I am just confused/hurt/angry/ at the world that such things can happen. I really didn't mean to take it out on you. I have PSTD, a medical condition, and these things happen. I will be okay in a year, but meanwhile, here are the symptoms people who see that kind of stuff have afterword: (list them).

Another thing, anger is just anger. Take up boxing, buy a punch bag, and take it out every day. I am trying to learn to cry. The last time I cried was five years ago. The last time I cried in public was when a friend of mine was killed infront of my eyes when I was 12. Try to learn to cry, because your body takes out the hard chemicals. Two other things, try to mediate before/after every meal and take up yoga. Work on finding inner peace and spirtual growth. Join a church or support group.

I found old friends wanted the old me, but with new friends, I am upfront: hey I survived a war, the equavalent of sexual assualt, etc. etc. etc. have these pstd, I do that that and that, if you are willing to accept it (it has to be reasonable).

Focus on taking your mom to your counsellor with you and working it out. Then, give your old friends space, because they don't want to deal with the new non-innocent you. They have to ask themselves hard questions now, deal with their mortality and other issues. Find new friends, I tell my new friends, look, I have agoraphobia, its better, but I can not go to these parts of town, I am also sensative to shows of disrespect where I blow up because I was disrespected before I faced the equavalent of sexual assault. If I blow up in anger, its no offense to you, its a reaction to having a gun stuck up my ear a while ago. As as the following triggers are not pressed, I am decent, how about you? Then ask them what are their limits.

Anger is a healthy reaction to injustice. Negativity means when you were abroad, you saw a lot of injustice. Get involved in activism. Help one person against injustice. Get involved in communnity service. Write letters for amnesty international. Write them on paper, put them in the draw, and then edit them two days later. Get a punching bag, learn to box. Find some video game to take your anger out on. Video games are too addictive, so physical punches on punch bag are the best. Get a job hitting metal at a junkyard.

Friends, just leave them alone. Maybe a letter from your counsellor and invitation to have a session with the two of you is best. Your reactions are normal, and of course people who haven't seen hell on earth don't know how to react. They want you to snap out of it, which is superficial and won't fix it. They want you to be happy, and are upset you aren't the person you were. You can't be naive anymore though.

Spend more time with nature, get a pet. Pets really help, parrots, dogs. They love you, and make you feel good about yourself, and can help you reiorient your communication, because you have to be both loving and frank with them. Studies have shown that they help war veterns heal significantly.

You can't find a stable job with PSTD: you need unemployment insurance and counselling. Your mother needs to understand that and deep down she loves you. Say, I am sorry, but after seeing (ie my friend having his head blown up infront of me) its a lot more difficult for me to stay positive, so it will take me a year to return to something you can accept, but I will work to get there: time line, and progress, and people will be more accepting.,

Best of luck!

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're really struggling. The best you can do is keep getting counseling and therapy and working on being the person you know you should be. Instead of complaining, keep a journal. Ask people for forgiveness, bring them a cake you made or a potted plant and ask them to give you another chance. Then, stop complaining. Ask about their lives. Try to be a good listener.

Answer 3

I have frequently had worse problems. I have been officially disowned from my family maybe a dozen times and have been twice thrown out of home. Sometimes it helps just to get away for a while. But of course no matter what you do you are headed for pain. I personally took to the bottle and became an alcoholic. My problems with booze persist but in much milder form. Things just straighten themselves out. Don't expect answers. Just try to hang in there.

Answer 4

get a copy of what you wrote hear and sen to all who are important to yo with a short note of apology along with your address email and phone number true Friends and family Will contact you good luck

Answer 5

let everyone know about your problem, that you need help and support.

this too will pass.

Answer 6

Dear ,
I am lucky one .
I also pray for you .
Just re arrange your self .