advice about crazy homewrecker?

Question

my husband had an affair and is still seeing this woman who after i told her found out he was married and we lived together and we have 3 kids together (not his biological kids but he has raised them he is their daddy and they are his kids) and he moved out but still saw the kids and we even were spending time together, i was hoping to try to salvage our marriage but she got nosey and got his password and read some emails i sent him and found out he was still in our lives but she still wants him and since she doesn't trust him she told him he can't see his kids because that means seeing me. he told me he misses them and they cry for him is there any way this can work out? our kids are suffering he does come see them a few days a week but its a secret and they deserve better than that. any suggestions please its painful for all of us

Answer 1

he needs to leave this crazy women alone... she can't trust him? does she remeber that she's the one that helpped him cheat... on you?!?! thats why women are soooo dumb at times i mean why the hel would she want him if he cheats on his wife?!?! i think you should have a tlak with him... like if were not going to be together aleast be with someone who trusts you so that you can still see your kids... and maybe he really wants to come see the kids because he does want to come and see you... he prolly misses the not so crazy life that he has with this other women.... he needs to get his head on and tell her to *** off that he's going to see his kids its his right grush people these days!.... the only good part about this story is you! hehe hang in there things will get better!

Answer 2

Try suggesting a third party to drop the kids off at his place. Possibly some other member of the family..that way everyone could be happy because she won't have to worry about him seeing you. I think that's ridiculous that she's actually that jealous. Don't worry honey, you're too good for him anyway, don't stress over it, and if he really loves those kids, he'll clear up the fact that he needs to see them whether it means him having to see you for a few minutes to pick them up. She needs to act like a civilized adult and deal with the situation more maturely. If she's that worried about him seeing you, she obviously doesn't trust him, and she shouldn't be with him in the first place. He shouldn't be seeing them in any secretive way. They're his kids, and he needs to be part of their lives, and that's that..she just has to get over it..no matter what she says or what she wants, regardless or not, they'll always be his kids and its important for him to exixt in their lives. She needs to accept it and understand it. It all starts with him though, he needs to step up and tell her exactly how it is, and if she doesn't like it, then she can leave, but he will see his kids!

Answer 3

Well it seems you are placing fault with the wrong person and trust me....if she is still w/ him and wants to be w/ him then he is telling her and showing her the exact opposite of what he had been telling you! Sure his kids miss him, but it just goes to show you who is most important in his life...the "crazy homewrecker" otherwise he'd still be seeing the kids. However, while it was great that he has been there to raise them you can't actually expect him to replace the father they have never known. You are doing an injustice to him as well as your children. What you need to do is focus on your children and allowing them to possibly build a relationship w/ their biological father(s) rather than pawn that responsiblity off on someone else.

Answer 4

My suggestion is that you let this man go. This doesn't seem to ba a marriage that can be saved.

I do NOT think he ever stopped seeing her and I DO think that he was hoping to have his cake and eat it,too.

The problem here isn't the woman, its your lying weasel of a "husband". He is the one playing both of you and you are letting him.

I am sorry that the kids are having a hard time, but he needs to either see them openly and have legal visitation with them that DOES NOT involve you or he needs to be sent out of their lives so that they can heal.

Besides, its rare for a man to continue to parent children of an ex that aren't his biologically. Keeping him around when he will most likely leave them anyway is just prolonging the agony for them.

Answer 5

I am sorry you and your children are going through this, but your husband is the one with the problem. Do not keep making excuses for him by blaming the other woman. He needs to step up and take responsibility for what he is doing. If he is serious about working things out with you, the first thing he needs to do is totally get rid of her and start focusing on getting his marriage back together. You and your kids might even need counseling. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are going through this.
Unfortunately, he is the one who has to make the decision to let her control his life and invade his privacy or not.
You are right. They deserve better and so do you. Maybe you can work out a visitation schedule as most separated and divorced couples do. That way, everyone knows what is going on and when it is going to happen, especially the kids. No sneaking around. I know you said you want to work it out, and I hope you do if that is really what you want, but please think about it. Sorry, but he doesn't sound like a prize. You can do better.
Regardless, the children need to see their dad and he needs to step up to the plate and stick up for them
Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

well you should give him a chose either her or you. you should tell him that you went to work on your marriage and ask him if he does too. if he does then he needs to get rid of her. if he chooses her then he should give you a divorce. but he shouldn't let her tell him that he can't see his children. it's just wrong of her to do that. and he should tell her that he has a right to see his children and it shouldn't matter if you are there at all. it sounds like she has a huge trust issue to me. no one has a right to tell a man he can't see his children and he needs to see that she's wrong in doing that and it's hurting the children. if he really cared about his children he would tell her that he wants to see his children and it shouldn't matter what she wants because they are going to be in his life and they are part of his life too and she just needs to except that. and since you are their mother then your still going to be part of his life. but if I were you I would give her a piece of your mind. I don't know if you can still do it but I know in Ohio several years back a woman sued her husbands Mistress for being a home wrecker and she had won too. they had kids too. and she didn't went him to have anything to with them either. besides that there isn't much you can do. I hope things work out for you and your kids.

Answer 8

You two need to sit down and talk about what is best for the kids. They need to come first. Then you need talk about your feelings for each other and if you both want to be in that marriage. There was an affair in our marriage and we worked it out and now we are happier than ever so it can be worked out. My advice is for him to stop talking to that other woman so he can get his feelings together and figure out what he wants. I don't think that he should listen to the other woman and stop seeing the kids since they think of him as their dad and they love him like that. I really hope that you guys work it out. I can tell you that the number one thing is to communicate to each other. And if you do work it out its going to take awhile for the trust to come back to your relationship. I can tell you from experience that its going to be really tough for both of you. I really hope you guys work it out for the both of you and the kids.

Answer 9

Wow. This guy is a low-life. I know you love him but all of the signs show he is selfish & self-centered. The reason is below:

No woman would be able to keep him from seeing his kids.

Point blank. He is THIER father. Blood has nothing to do with it. He is hurting them so much and you are being hurt as well. Forget about reconciliation. Cut him off. I know it is hard to do but you have to be strong for your children. They want you to be happy. They'll eventually get over Dad.

Answer 10

Be glad you are rid of him. He sounds spineless. Why would he let anyone tell him not to see his kids? He is a coward and a wuss and needs to set her straight. I don't respect anyone who lets someone tell them what to do. Kids come first, hookers second. You can't make him do what is right, he is weak, and she is controlling him. He wil be sorry one day when the kids don't care if he comes over or not. This is all his fault, don't blame her. He is listening to her instead of being a stand up guy and father to his kids. He needs to seek help soon. The lady will get what is coming to her oneday. What goes around comes around.