How do I get over this?

Question

I read some of my wife's e-mails and I really regret doing that now.

First of all I know I'm a scumbag for violating her privacy. I've been having some trust issues and I guess I thought I would go looking for proof. Found none, except an e-mail folder "MIML" possibly abbreviated for "Men in my life" because they seemed to be e-mails from ex-lovers and guys she dated before. These e-mails were dated before we got together. E-mails from one particular guy stuck out because they were going back and forth about the sex they were going to have and that they eventually had. He even sent a pic of his penis in one, in the e-mails she had called him BD and after seeing the pic I found out why.

I know this happened way before us and I have no reason to mistrust my wife anymore but I'm trying to get what I read and saw out of my head but I'm meeting with serious difficulty.
I know I'm a jerk and I deserve this but please somebody tell me what I can do to get over this!!

Answer 1

I have been in the same situation and it isbloody hard to move on and trust again, but for the dsake of your marriage you have to okay?
Tell yoursel this, who does your wife go to bed with at night.....YOU. Who does she tell she loves....YOU. Who does she spend her time with....YOU. If she wanted to be with any of these guys then she would be with them and not with her husband, who she loves and adores no doubt. If you feel so uncomfortable, maybe ask your wife about the exes, sit down and share your experiences. Tell her about your exes and hopefully in return she will tell you about hers. Just remember to be honest and up front.
Good luck..

Answer 2

Go see a therapist. You have violated your wife's privacy and if you are having trust issues, it's something you need to work out. It's not like she is your teenaged daughter that you might need to check up on -- she's your wife.

I personally think you are overreacting. She's probably forgotten about the e-mail folder since all the e-mails were from before you got together. Now I feel like I need to go check my folders!

And you probably should come clean with your wife and let her explain why she still has them, plus you need to have a long discussion with your wife about why you feel you can't trust her.

Oh. . .and when you do 'fess up, be prepared. She's going to be FURIOUS. I know I would be.

Answer 3

You aren't a jerk for checking up on your wife. In fact you better be checking, because there is a lot of on line infidelity going on all over. She lost her privacy rights when she married you. You have the right the same as she does to know what she is saying to other people, especially men, and what she is doing with them. For now you can just be thankful there are no current boyfriend emails and nasty pictures. Nothing worse than sitting in the dark thinking every things cool, just to find out you are being cheated on in your own home.

Answer 4

I would think you need to tell your wife and say I know what I did was wrong but now that I have read this it hurts to know that you had a life before me and I wanted to be the first guy in your life even thought now I know I am not. I know it sounds bad, but I had the same problem with my husband...it takes time to realize they had a life before you. It is more of a jealous thing. You will get over it with time.

Answer 5

Quit being so hard on yourself. The bottom line is that you realized that your wife has not been very mature in your relationship. Why would she keep emails and wanker pictures?
Having said that, if she's a good wife, treats you well and you love and respect each other (in spite of your snooping and her emails), don't let this come between you. If it all happened in the past, she had a life. Big deal, most of us do.
I would ask her to get rid of the emails and pictures. She shouldn't be holding on to them now that she's married.

Answer 6

You're not a jerk. Insecure, maybe, but not a jerk. Unfortunately, the only way to resolve this is to discuss it with your wife. And to discuss it, you'll have to admit to the snooping. You do have a right to ask her to delete those pictures and emails, though. If she is happy with you, then she has no reason to hang on to them. And if she isn't happy with you, she needs to devote to her time to fixing the problem instead of pouring over old relationships that obviously weren't perfect, either - seeing as they're OVER.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Does the place of work have a bowling league or baseball group? connect. Volunteer on the SPCA or a charity which you like. artwork out on the gymnasium two times each and every week. Do your laundry and alter the sheets on your mattress one nighttime. pass do grocery procuring one nighttime. Tape the television shows you like and watch them one nighttime and phone some buddies. Invite buddies over and order pizza and play enjoying cards or board video games. Get some human beings at the same time and pass to the movies and out for burgers. Be lively. The busier you are the fewer time you ought to think of. Be happy you're out of the dating as a results of fact this female could have ripped your heart out finally. you will recover from it yet you ought to be proactive with a view to do it. terrific of success!

Answer 8

someone said "if you cant do the time, dont do the crime..."
You are paying for the violation of trust.
I suggest you come clean and talk about it.
She is going to be mad, but she will forgive you.

Answer 9

get over it, anything that happens before you is not your problem. at least is not happening while you too are together be grateful for that.