When having a disagreement - is it normal to feel feelings of hatred towards your spouse?

Question

When things aren't going well, I often feel feelings of absolute hatred towards my spouse. I feel as though I hate everything to do with him. I have never felt this way before. When things are good I feel positive feelings but those times are becoming more and more scarce. Is this normal - can anyone help me?

Answer 1

It is normal to feel angry at someone but not exactly like you hate them... the feeling should be perhaps as if you cannot get thyem to understand something but no hate feelings.... sometimes u think u could kill someone but that is not exactly a hate feeling... just a momentary emotion.

Answer 2

He's your husband & I would totally set him down & talk to him about what your thoughts are with what the relationship is like with him. It sounds like there has been some tension built up & maybe even some problems that have occured which where never "really" resolved on your side. (They sometimes think everything is okay when it's not) This probably has caused you to have resentment towards him. I know that if you don't catch him & say something when when it occurs that each time it builds more & more where you just can't stand to be in the same room. Be careful so that your feelings dont get so bitter that there is no relationship left to be saved. If he keeps doing something that he KNOWS you don't like or have different feelings about, then that is when I would just let him know right then & there that he should realize that this is what causes you to resent him so much & something needs to change or there will be nothing left in the end. I would'nt play around about it..Be honest & don't hide your true feeling because "what he does not know CAN'T be fixed." I'm sure you love him & when things are "good" there good!" but sometimes when your really sick of something he keeps doing It usually will get the best of you. This may take some time for him to catch on but hopefully for "his" sake he will be a fast learner. GOOD LUCK & I wish for the best for you & your husband.

Answer 3

These feelings are normal, when my husband and I disagree sometimes I can't stand to look at him but my heart never changes because as humans we cannot turn our feelings on and off. After the disagreement has been resolved I can't get enough of him I just want to eat him up so yes the feelings you have are normal but it seems like you all are having more problems than what you mention here, sounds like its time to pick up the relationship and give it a makeover be it couples therapy or a marriage counselor you all are just in a rut right now and you will continue to have the disagreements but the counseling will help with the good times being more frequent that scarce. good luck to you.

Answer 4

Hmmm I guess that you and your spouse has yet to come to a stage where understanding each other is automatic. Maybe what you can do is to, sit down and talk to each other about all the unhappiness and sort everything out. I can really say that in Marriage this is really normal. However do not let this "hatred" get out of hand for it can destroy your marriage as a whole...

so try to get your spouse to sit down and have a friendly "sorting out" talk.. ^^

Cheers!

Answer 5

loving someone does not mean that you have to like them all the time.i believe that this is why marriages don't last when those butterfly's go away and you get down to business of real life you realize that its not the fairytale you thought it would be and become disillusioned and find that you are resenting your spouse for being the human\person that they were when you married them.there is nothing easy about marriage you have to work at it and be dedicated to it.get some counseling so that the two of you can deal with your frustrations in some other way than arguing

Answer 6

I've never felt hate during a disagreement, but certainly frustrated. I love my husband and I know that we aren't going to always agree but hate is a strong word and not one I would use for someone I love. Emotions can run high on certain things. The key is not to let it get that far that it turns into something else.

Answer 7

The word hate is abstract and encompasses a wide range. A child hates eating vegetables. Terrorists hate America. These are the two extremes. Some people are very mean-spirited and seek 10x the revenge when crossed. What kind of person are you?

If you cannot learn to disagree on things as mature adults, you are immature and let your emotions control you.

Answer 8

yeah this does happen to me too.. and you are most likely not dealing with your emotions completely when you fight and that's why it isn't getting better.. i realize the more positive time we spend together the stronger my feelings are for him and when he is neglecting me emotionally .. i just cant stand him. .i think of everything as a big deal and it just adds up until i want to leave.. just try to "practice " your love.. sometimes if you do what you would if you were crazy in love the feelings come back. i know it seems weird but a counselor told me that once and it works for me.. if you really are mad at him try to make an extra effort to show him love.. and see what it gets you.. i find too if i pray for him when i am mad at him it changes my perspective on how he sees things.. hope this helps good luck .

Answer 9

I agree its more frustration than hatred trust me I have had those same feelings with my husband..we are currently seperated now and I look back on some of our arguments and see that some of them are totally pointless, but stay focused on those positives and maybe seek some marriage therapy to help you all regain those positives, good luck!!

Answer 10

Perhaps you could consider going to therapy or counseling, so you can try to identify what sets these feelings on a roll.

Hatred is a very intense and poisonous feeling; so I think you don't hate your husband. Sounds more like anger and frustration, not hate.
Good luck.