I completely gave up my freedom and independance for a woman with kids. I moved into her house and proceeded to being a good man and a good father. at first she was so nice and appreciative and now after 5 years, she says that she does'nt have to appreciate me and its my responsibility since I live here but when I ask her to cook, she says " its not my job to cook for you". Shes always blaming me for her life being a disaster and her not having a social life but I feel that I tried to help her. she feels that if she cant go out than I should'nt either.
am I wrong? i feel that Ive givin this situation everything and yet she still wants more. Its not my fault that she got stuck with 2 kids by 2 losers. giving up my independance is more than enough, I dont have anything left. HELP
2007-06-03 12:39:25 · 14 answers · asked by the dude 513 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why are you playing marriage with a woman you're not even married to (at least it doesn't sound like you are). That was your first mistake. If you're not marriage, you should reconsider your current living situation. I'm not sure if you're the father of these kids or a surrogate father. If your not the biological dad and you're not married, why are you whinning. You have no ties here.
2007-06-09 06:47:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. You stepped up to the plate and instantly became a family man and agreed to help raise 2 children that were not your own, I commend you for that and she was a lucky woman to find such a great man such as yourself because a lot of men run from the ready made family. She has lost sight of things and as you state she is taking you for granted or as I like to say, she is taking your kindness for weakness and I think now is the time for you to sit her down and have a little heart to heart with her to let her know that you gave up a lot to be with her and your purpose is to work with her as a team. I think she is doing this because she is in a rut right now and need a pick me up or she is just basically tired of the relationship and doesn't know how to tell you because you have been so nice to her. Take her out to dinner and get her a drink and get her all relaxed and the both of you have a heart to heart to see if you are still on the same page. I think you have given above and beyond what anyone could expect of you and she should be more appreciative of the sacrifices you have made. Talk with your woman and get to the bottom of what is bothering her and if you can't make it be prepared to walk away, believe me when I say this, but there are a million single mothers who would die to have a guy like you in their life so if she can't treat you with respect and continue to do the things she did in the beginning to get you then you may have to replace her. Good luck :)
2007-06-03 19:49:05 · answer #2 · answered by Pegi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude,
No, you aren't wrong! You sound devoted and kind. Sounds like something "snapped" with your "partner" to cause her attitude change.
She is probably a "controller" and it's only gonna get worse if you don't put a STOP to it now!
Take my word for it, I see the "signs" already!
The lady is responsible for her OWN life and self so don't let her lay any guilt trips on you because you aren't the cause of her problems.
Now days, alot of guys wouldn't do as much as you have, by giving up your Independence, and taking on a family. I "hand" it to you for all that you are doing, AND you're trying to be patient with the lady on top of it all.
So my advice is, if you both can't work it out or reach an understanding, make other plans and look out for you! Noone deserves to live unhappy.
If you don't have anything left, start from "scratch" again, and just be on your own for awhile. Don't you have family and friends? You need moral support right now, and you need to be happy first!
My Best to you!
2007-06-03 20:39:32 · answer #3 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, did only move in with her to help her out? Or was there something more to the relationship than that? Are you married or just in a domestic relationship? If it's the relationship that's not working out, try going to couples therapy or working on what's wrong with your relationship.
If you're not in a relationship, then leave...plain and simple. It's hard to say what you should do without knowing the details of your relationship or the problems you're experiencing. I can say that you shouldn't stay with someone just because you feel bad or because you don't want to leave them in a bad situation....that's never a good life to live.
You have two choices here:
choice a: Fix the problem, either by splitting up or working it out.
choice b: Shut your mouth and get over it (I'm not telling you to shut up, it's more of a figure of speech, fyi).
Either way, you've got to do SOMETHING. Good luck.
2007-06-03 19:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
G'day Mate,
I would (if I was you) get my stuff and leave her, she would be begging for you to come back after less than a week, the key however is to resist going back for the first week or so and really make her relise what she is throwing away and get her to understand that she is the reason you are no longer committed to the relationship, let her know what she has done and is doing that makes you want to terminate the relationship, I reckon she will change her ways and you will be a lot happier as a result, if she refuses to accept that she is responsible then move on in your life and get a woman who will respect you and appreciate what you do.
Good Luck Mate!
2007-06-03 19:47:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK what you need to do is find a way out. Your happiness should always come first. Apparently she does not appreciate you and that should tell you that you should move on. You are a better man than me by trying to father two kids that are not even yours. She should realize that and should try to do everything to be a good wife. I do not know many people that would do what you did but you deserve better.
2007-06-09 02:29:39 · answer #6 · answered by martin s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She "doesn't have to appreciate you"?! Oh, please...if we don't appreciate our significant others, why the hell are we with them?
You have already gone above and beyond the call of duty by taking on responsibility for her AND her children. She should be thanking God on bended knee for you...why in the world does she think that YOU are responsible for her lack of a social life? She should have thought about that before she had kids!
No, you're not wrong. (I work hard, but I cook for my husband every night because it's important to him, among other things.) I hate to say this Hon, but this situation has "USED" written all over it. Please re-evalute your relationship with this woman; you sound like a winner, and it may be time for you to find a woman who appreciates your good heart instead of taking advantage of it.
2007-06-03 19:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds quite pleasant. She is taking you for granted and you need to tell her how you feel.
Also, if you are in a committed relationship, how often are you going out without her? She could be feeling neglected if you are often not home.
Since you decided to get involved with her and her kids, you should sit down and talk this out. Good luck.
2007-06-03 19:45:46 · answer #8 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You conveniently neglected to mention if you pay for anything in the house or if you are married. If you do, then you pay your dues like a renter. If you are not married to her, you have no moral responsibilities to look after the kids.
Along the lines above, you can just leave with no obligations. See what she says about that.
2007-06-03 19:45:55 · answer #9 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess you now know why the other two left her, get out of he situation and find a real woman you will be happier in the long run
2007-06-03 20:32:43 · answer #10 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋