If I use a sperm donor to have a child how do I deal with the fact that the child will not have a father?

Question

I am 40, have not found someone decent to share life with yet but don't want to wait any longer to have a child but I'm worried that if I do get a sperm donor it will create anger or an emptiness in my child. How do I deal with that? Thanks for any advice given!

Answer 1

Your child will not feel anger or emptiness if you do not. If you are positive and happy, most likely your child will be.
It would be good if there were some good male role models in your life for the child to have as examples.
Good luck.

Answer 2

i am nearing forty, and have two kids, no husband, well not anymore, we got divorced a while ago.
i want you to know that kids can be really understanding, and are not always like the drinking, angry teenagers you see on lifetime.
my daughter has never met her father either, and she doesn't mind, she was given a chance to have contact with him once, when he called and wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk to him.
sometimes it's easier without a father, honestly that's how it feels now.
your child wouldn't be angry as long as at a young age he/she understands that you wanted a child and would have done anything to have him/her, and she/he understands your side.
sorry if i couldn't be of more help, and if i said maybe more than i should have, just giving examples. good luck.

Answer 3

If your child has never had a father and you provide love and support than its ok, they won't question your love for them.

Let them know that they were lucky enough to be "picked out" by you at the hospital and they were put inside you to grow because you are such a great lady, and then they were born and you became their mommy. As they get older they will understand more, but as kids its nice to make up little stories that won't deceive them, but are cute anyway :)

Answer 4

if they ask "where's daddy?" when their too young to accept and understand, just say he's away for right now. And when your child is older, tell them what really happened. Dont lie to them. Love your child with all your heart and accept them for who they want to be. Create a strong relationship between you two and I'm sure your daughter/son will be able to accept the truth. even if they dont, they wont stay made forever. maybe a day or two (at the most a week) if you tell them when their a teenager, but dont wait too long to bring it up. I say that 14 or 15 is a good age.

Answer 5

Even with a mere "sperm donor", your child would still have a father. You are just choosing to offer this child a life without a relationship or knowledge of his/her father.

I can understand your wish to have a child and the difficulty in finding a satisfactory candidate to be a father/husband. I say, just be sure you are strong, stable, and dedicated enough to compensate for the lack of that vital second parent, then go for it! Are you sure you aren't being overly critical and particular in your search for a life partner?

God's plan is really to have 2 parents for children. His way is the best way, always. Maybe you should be asking HIM for the answer to your dilemma. Your potential child is very important to him, you know!!

Answer 6

You'll have to deal with it the same way all the other kids out there try to cope not knowing who their father is, and that's pretty bad. Imagine what it would feel like knowing that your father was just some guy offering his sperm for some money because mother just wanted to have a baby? Pretty cheap I'd say. But then again, life today is so cheap, so maybe it doesn't matter. Lots of kids have events where dad just doesn't show, because they have none or he's absent. And ask them how they feel. It takes its toll.

Answer 7

You are absolutely right in one aspect. It will create a void in the childs life, knowing this do you still feel compelled to raise a child without a father figure? I would certainly take another look at your reasoning behind having a child without the traditional role models in place. Please don't be offended, but some cold hard truths about what your considering need to be realized. Is it because your a woman and that's what women are for, bearing new life into the world? or is it to satisfy the hunger of being alone?

Answer 8

by beimng a really good mother. my baby doesnt have a dad ( not by choice, he dumped me when i got preg ) and i know she is going to turn out just fine. i plan on showering her with love and attention. its better for a child not to have a father at all then one who is abusive or on drugs. think about that...

Answer 9

Why don't you just adopt? There are lots of "all ready made" children who need a loving home. And you're 40, that's a high risk pregnancy. Adoption is something you should consider.

Answer 10

if your woory about small things like that .may you should stick your vibrater.forget the kid if you need a dam good donor let me know will take care of you