How can I help my preschooler (age 3) to cope with my recent divorce & the abandoment of her father?

Question

I got divorced less than a month ago. I have 2 precious little girls. The baby is 9 months & my oldest is 3. I need help explaining to her about the divorce, especially since "Daddy" moved to another state the very next day & does not have a phone.

Now when she asks for "Daddy" I don't know what to say & it is breaking my heart! This is the 2nd father who has abandoned this precious girl, but fortunately, she doesn't know about her biological father walking out on us 4 days after she was born.

I'm open to suggestions. Please be gentle. This is a very delicate subject for me.

Answer 1

I'm going through the EXACT same thing. Some of the answers on here anger me to no end, like not dating until the kids are older and not clinging to the first guy that comes along. Those are all ignorant responses.

I always try my best not to cry when my daughter asks, and say "i'm sorry but daddy isn't here anymore". Then I distract her and just try to love her as much as possible so she knows mommy is still there. Get some counselling for yourself, it will help her, too. You can ask a therapist more things to do.

As for dating? Just because you have kids and failed relationships doesn't mean you shouldn't date. Just be careful who you bring in. I know all relationships may fail, but wait a few months at least to bring someone to meet the kids. Don't get caught up with being up in the clouds over someone new and bring them home. It will just confuse your kids more.

I hope this helps!

Answer 2

Ive been through this in the kids position. Just be a good mum, realise many people get through life from a very young age without the care of parents, and fathers at that age are not as important as mothers and at least your kids have a mother that cares enough to worry about what to tell them. Whatever you say I am sure you will say it with love and kindness, thats enough, the text is irrelevent. You knw when shes old enough shell realise what a great mum youve been and you will both be partying on the dance floor sussing out guys and comparing notes. I feel more for you in your position, but the girls who deserve honest faithfull guys get the scum and the honest and faithfull guys get women who dont appreciate the plight of ladies like you, your kids will be fine, take care of yourself.

Answer 3

First you have to do a better job in finding guys, second don't jump into the first guy you meet. Now to answer your question just be there for them, you don't need to lie to them were the losers went you just have to know how to handle it. If they see you are doing fine they will do fine if you are a total nut job they will take on those characteristics so just show your doing fine even when your not. I am currently raising three of my sisters kids( they don't live with me, but see them everyday) because of loser dads that walk away and I tell my sister the same thing nothing should ever look like it's bothering you, and honestly I feel I've done as good of a job as a dad would have they are good kids.

Answer 4

There is no way to explain anything adult to a 3 yr. old. The only thing you can do is say that daddy left and is not coming back. Honesty is the only way. Nothing further has to be added until she is old enough to understand adult issues. You also need to stop marrying and spend time to raise your children without these additional insults into their lives. If you want to stop having to explain why men leave, stop dating until they are older, much older. They really don't need this.