I'm not sure what to believe anymore. Someone help?

Question

I have been married for seven years and we have a one year old daughter. Lately my husband has been very secretive about his relationship with the woman who lives down the street from us. While I am positive that there was no sexual affair, I am convinced that he was embroiled in an emotional affair with this woman. Both deny this, but I have discovered countless late night phone calls and pictures of her on his computer (fully dressed for you pervs out there). They both insist it was just friendship, but they went a long was to keep it a secret from me. The past couple of days I have been swapping emails with this woman and she is pretty much telling me that my husband has been telling a bunch of lies about me and now evidently there is a woman where he works that he has been talking about to this woman on a consistent basis. My husband insists that he loves me and does not want a separation. Don't say leave the bastard....(for better or for worse). I do love him.

Answer 1

I personally believe that you should not trust others above your spouse (about the other woman) however you obviously have some trust issues already with your husband. Especially if he feels the need to hide his friendship with this woman. Honestly I would sit him down, (without your daughter present) and tell him point blank what you have heard. Explain that this is hurtful to you and you are unsure who to believe. If he knows something is hurting you and continues to do that same thing, this should tell you he is unconcerned about your feelings and doesn't truly care whether he hurts you or not. Then it would be up to you how you would go from there. Personally, I got married because I love my husband and he loves me. BUT if I cannot trust him, there is a huge problem that cannot and must not be overlooked....

Answer 2

The fact of the matter is adultery is adultery, whether it's physical or emotional. It's especially wrong that he bad mouths you to other women. Men usually do that when they are looking for an excuse to cheat. If he is being more emotionally intimate with other women, there is something wrong in your marriage, something that he is not getting for whatever reason. You need to find out what it is before he takes the next step and has a physical relationship with someone else.
This happens frequently when a baby comes into the house. The woman devotes so much time and attention to the baby that the man, for whatever reason, feels left out and unloved. Maybe you should read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" as well as "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". These books may help you both. You may also want to consider a counselor. Good luck!

Answer 3

You may love him, but the intimacy you may have once had has been stolen from you, and if the relationship is to survive, you need to get that back. I think the woman may be trying to break you up by freaking you out, anything is possible. I would confront the issue, issue an ultimatum that he stop his "friendships" that are causing you distress (as he should, that is the proper thing to do), or you want a "trial separation." Hard as it may be, follow through. Then make yourself as appealing as possible. Work out, change your hair, your makeup, your wardrobe, and maybe even start having "friendships" of your own and see how he likes it. Download pictures of certain singles (who appear to be someone who would be interested in you) and have them on your desktop. Let him question you, and DENY any type of contact (you wouldn't be lying). Beat him at his own game. You have a bond with this man that these other women don't because you have a child, and you have a history. But he needs to respect you, and you need to demand that or you will never be happy. Don't STAND for anymore of that crap.

Answer 4

Girl listen I will not tell you to leave your husband ..What i will tell you is yes it is true that what your husband was doing is wrong but at least it never happen to an extreme if you know what I mean. So what ever is going in your relationship I do subject that you talk to him (your husband) and go into counseling and safe your marriage. Look here don't give up on your husband and girl fight until the end. Don't give him up cause if you do someone else Willl take all of his juice and you wil end up thirsty. And when you do fix your marriage up try to pay attention to him and he do the same to you spark the flame up with a torch make it 4 of July every-time you are with him..
I wish you good luck please don't think he cheated and if you ever find out he did then girl send him straight to hell do me this favor.. You deserve better and deserve to get respect and for a guy to treat you like gold.
So chin up girl and save what is yours and the hell what the people tells you about him people will always talk shi* no matter what

Answer 5

It sounds like your husband i looking for a woman to fall into his trap. I tend to believe the woman down the street as she may have been his first attempt and whatever lies he used to draw her in made her afraid to confront you or talk to you.But now that there is this womanat work shes feels compleeled to let you know what your husband is up to and the lies hes telling. With the presence of the work woman the street lady now realizes what his lies were intended for and doesnt like it so she came forward to warn you. What you do now is up to you but so far all I see is him trying to lure a lady in thus not really doing anything wrong,yet. So keep an eye on him and if and when he does do something,then let him have both barrels. Good luck

Answer 6

The secrets are what seals the deal. It has nothing to do with any "woman". How do you know that this woman telling you this stuff just doesn't want you out of the picture to make a move? Your husband is the one you should be asking about this. It is definitely a problem if you can't communicate with him. Accept the fact he is cheating. If this doesn't bother you then.....be careful of diseases or unplanned pregnancies (from the other women) that you potentially may have to financially support if you decide to stay with him.

Answer 7

It's just a matter of time until they consummate their relationship. If you really do love him and want to stay together you need to get her out of his life. Please don't listen to those fools who tell you that you need counseling, that is a crock and waste of time and money. All it will do is give him the cover he needs to hook up with the other woman. You first need to have a little talk with the girl down the street. Let her know you will not leave your husband for any reason (true or not), and that he won't leave his daughter who he ardors. Tell her to leave him alone or she will have to answer to you. Next you need to reconnect with your husband. Start having more sex together whether or not you want too. You need to go away together (just the two of you) for a second honeymoon. At least two weeks without the kid, find someone to care for her she will be fine. You need to get her out of his head and you on "it" if you get the hint.

Good luck.

Answer 8

You'll have to sit him down and tell him his behavoir is unacceptable. Tell him exactly what you need to feel secure in this relationship again (his email password, give up his cell phone, etc.) If he resists then he is wanting out of the marriage.

You should also ask what you could have done to make him look elsewhere like this--what can you do to make him realize he has everything he needs right now and not some other woman.

Answer 9

You need to sit down with your husband and ask him what is missing in your marriage and your relationship that makes him want to go and have a best friend down the street. If he can't tell you why he is doing this, then you both need to get to a marriage counselor soon. If he can, however, tell you what is wrong..you can work together to make your marriage stronger so that neither of you will have the need to have a best friend elsewhere. You should be each other's best friend.

Answer 10

Before you know it you will wake up and be ten years older still with a man you suspect is cheating, is that fair for your daughter? or you ? you wont be able to make him stop, he will just find another woman, he wants instant gradification, some men just need the attention of more than one woman.He would love a separation, then he would'nt have to hide it from you as much, my older brother had an affair with the lady down the street 5 years ago,,,,,,,,,,, He divorced his first wife and married her!!!!!!!! if you want to really know,,,,,,hire a private detective........sorry that you are having to deal with this alone.