Bad language when with children would you confront?

Question

Today yet again I was with my 12 year old daughter, sitting waiting for a train and a male and female sat behind us they were about 22 years old.
The woman was showing the male some photos and made a comment that a certain person in the photo was a cu-t I was pretty shocked firstly as this is one of the worst swear words and it was a woman, they looked well educated and dressed well.
then after some other similar language we moved.
I have in the past confronted people when Ive been with my children, and I am not sure what the best solution is, I even considered asking my daughter to tell the woman that she doesn't like to hear that sort of language as she is only 12.
There is always the risk that if confronted the situation could turn nasty, personally I wouldn't care as I am a big chap but know it would upset my daughter if it turned nasty.

your views would be welcome on what you would do,

I am not against swearing as such but when young children are about I feel its very ignorant

Answer 1

I agree with you and the action you took by moving. Anybody with common sense and courtesy as well as respect for those around you, would not swear in front of children. If you approached them you may get a nasty reaction you right, and they will not get anything learned out of it. It is those few people that were just not aware the kid was around that will actually become more aware. Moving to another seat makes the most sense. If you were stuck in some assigned seat then I might say something, but if you still have the freedom to move and get your goal accomplished I would lean there. People either have respect or not. I give you credit for raising your daughter with high morals. Keep it up :-)

Answer 2

It depends on the situation. If there were plenty of available seats and you had not yet gotten "settled in," then moving was a good way to handle it. Unfortunately, this happens all too often in a setting or situation from which one cannot easily extricate oneself and children. In that case, confrontation is the only available means of dealing with the problem. "Confrontation," though, takes many forms. A smile, along with a pleasant tone of voice and a simple request not to use offensive language is appropriate (whether or not children are present) in public. Most people will acquiesce to such a request, and probably were not aware that others could hear them.

If the offending party is a burly fellow with multiple tattoos, piercings, a bad attitude and appears to be armed or capable of ripping out your spleen without breaking a sweat, discretion is certainly the better part of valor, so keeping your mouth shut is usually a better idea if you're not with children. Even in this situation, most reasonably civilized or sophisticated people understand that such language is not appropriate for children to hear. Getting the person's attention and directing their attention to the impressionable child sitting with you will likely result in embarrassment and a change of volume, subject matter, or both.

So, as when dealing with your children, you have to choose your battles.

Answer 3

I think that yes, you are right, it is awful that people speak that way, especially when there are young children around, well anyone really! It is very dis-respectful and rude.

But you should be the one to decide if you confront them or not, but if you do, dint say it in a nasty way that will wind them up because there could be some serious consequences, so be nice, and polite, (even though they aren't!) But even though they are rude, they expect everyone else to be polite and nice to them. It is awful. I hate it when people speak like that, i have been through many very similar experiences, and it sounds horrendous! Don't people these days have any respect for anyone!? Don't they know what is right and wrong by the mature adult age of 22!? Don't they know any other language!? Obviously not, and they certainly couldn't be very educated if they act like that and make a bad reputation of themselves! I hope you agree with me and my points. Thank-you.

Answer 4

It is ignorant, and I also think it's in poor taste, whether it's a child or an older person. I used to get offended when kids would use foul language around my grandmother. I am not above swearing myself, but I won't tolerate it in front of certain people. I even scolded a friend when she said the "f" word in front of my mother. I just told her that word may be allright with her mother, but I won't tolerate it in front of my mother. She did apologize. Some people don't realize or think about their surroundings and just need a little reminder that there are young ears about. I would have turned and said, "I'm not sure if you've seen her but my daughter is sitting here, could you please refrain from using that kind of language?" Chances are, if they were brought up correctly, they would be embarrassed to have this drawn to their attention and would have apologized.

Answer 5

You could say.........."leave your mother out of this". Politely say to them...."Would you prefer to not use that word around my 12 year old daughter or would you like me to have you relocated to another part of the train?" Then smile. Wide. I would hope that they would be embarassed but you could also say to your daughter that only uneducated and degenerates use such language and that you are so proud that you have a daughter that would never use such language. That's all I have. Your daughter will always hear filthy language. You can only just set a good example.

Answer 6

there is no reason why you should accept that type of language when you are by yourself or with your children... your children's safety is first, i don't think that you should have your daughter say anything to people, but if you feel it's appropriate you should comment on it politely. something like "excuse, me do you mind speaking a little lower as you are offending my daughter with your swear words. if the person gets nasty then just walk away and leave... and explain to your daughter how there are very ignorant people and how low it makes you look. she will still learn by your example of how you handled the situation. i don't think you should go into a fight with the other people.

Answer 7

I would have confronted them nicely and said excuse me i dont mean to be rude but could you please refrain from using obsene language infront of my daughter i really would appreciate it. I have confronted alot of people but i was nice about it and they have apologized and moved on. once in a while you get the jerks and thats when yuo look at them and say apparently you are not well educated because only ignorant people get mad when asked nicely to refrain from something for a short time. That usually shuts them up because you used some big words. Next time just be nice and talk to them politly and ask them to refraine from it until your daughter is out of ear shot. They should have some amount of respect i know i would.

Answer 8

You did the right thing by moving away and letting your daughter know the reason. Confrontations are tough and usually don't work out. Being well dressed or looking well educated doesn't mean anything when people aren't well spoken. Don't reduce yourself to a situation that could turn nasty quickly.

Answer 9

I most likely would not confront them, if they speak like that in public, a confrontation would be a lot worse, i think you did the right thing to move away and explain to your daughter how wrong it is. I think swearing just shows ignorance of the english language, and is totally unnecessary.

Answer 10

i'm noy against swearing i admit i do swear myself but i know when to swear and when not to! i totally agree children should not have to hear it! its a awkward one i have once confronted a man stood near me and my daughter saying horrible swear words i politly said to him ''excuse me but i have a child here would you not use that language near my daughter'' he was ok an said sorry! another time a man was swearing and my daughter said out loud ''oh mummy that mister said a bad word'' i said in a loud voice ''i know he did and that mister is very naughty'' the man looked embarresed and said sorry! other times i have got up and moved away! i think you can read the situation by the person! and do what you feel best most people i dnt think realise that they are swearing or that children are around and if you did say nicely to them they seem to be ok about it