2007-06-03 04:36:08 · 10 answers · asked by STORMY K 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Little or no self esteem. Many don't think they deserve better.
No one can abuse you without your permission.
2007-06-03 04:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Giving a boss what he or she wants doesn't necessarily make a person a 'doormat.' It depends on what the boss wants and if it's unusual or unethical or overly demanding. Being a 'doormat' is giving in to people who have no power over you (a boss does have some power over his or her employees) or who exercise power disproportionate to what they do or should have (like marrying a girl or guy you really don't like just because a parent requests or demands it - in the US, anyways - I hear other cultures treat marriage differently than in the US and so that would be customary or 'normal' in such a country). ... I know that didn't answer your question, but you received an answer I had to respond to.
From what I've seen, 'doormats' are people pleasers. They can't say no because of a fear of the feeling that they would have if they disappointed the person or because of a fear of what the person would do if the person didn't get what he or she wanted. They may also not have a strong sense of self, meaning that they don't know or can't express their own desires, so that they just go along with others' desires.
It's not always a choice and the 'doormat' may not even realize that they are a people pleaser, so saying that a 'doormat' allows him/herself to be one is somewhat unfair.
Once the realization of being a 'doormat' surfaces ... altering patterns of behavior that have been ingrained for years is a process that may take some time. The person has to figure out how to change the behavior and meanwhile overcome the fears and figure out their own desires. This process may or not be evident. Perhaps the person has chosen to change one area of his or her life at a time. Perhaps while you think a person is allowing others to use him or her, he or she is actually moving forward in some ways. Possible, but I don't know how probable.
Why are some people doormats? There are probably lots of reasons. I don't know for sure, but I can throw some ideas out and you can decide if you agree with them.
I mentioned sense of self and a person's possible lack of it leading to people pleasing attitudes and behaviors. Well, that may be caused by nature, just a the way a person was born, or nurture, a person's environment, or both. As for the nurture aspect, I think that very strict parenting may contribute to being a people pleaser though it certainly doesn't happen every time a parent is strict. I think it just increases the people pleasing attitude's occurence. For instance, say there are 10 different types of personalities that a person is born with - nature - (obviously there are more, but I picked ten for simplicity's sake) and one of the ten personalities are sensitive to the point of being prone to being a people pleaser. Maybe that prone-ness will create the result (a 'doormat'), maybe not. But pair that with a strict parent and the chances of the result increases.
I took quite a few psych classes. In an alcohol and substance abuse class we studied a concept/personality - codependence - that may interest you. The link is below. Basically, codependence or the need to take care of another person, may be a result of growing up with an alcoholic parent. You can find more out about that by reading about codependence or looking up information about Alcoholics Anonymous. Also, in abnormal psychology we studied depended personality disorder. There is a link for that below, too.
Is my answer long enough yet? I think so ... but there seems to be no short answer when it comes to human behavior. If you get a short answer, you're probably not getting the whole story. And though my answer isn't short, I'm sure there are more theories out there.
2007-06-03 12:36:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are naturally timid people and don't like to get in any uncomfortable situations. Others end up being worn down by a partner.They are made to believe they are worthless because they have been told it so many times.Some people go through hard times in there life and feel like they don't have the strength to stand up for themselves.
2007-06-03 11:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because sometimes people have something on the other person that allow that person to feel inferior. Or the person really admires somebody (s)he could go to extreme measures to please that person as being doormats.
2007-06-03 12:04:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just NEEEED a leader. To me that's Insane but true. Happy Caving Carroll
2007-06-03 11:42:55 · answer #5 · answered by Carroll 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually somebody has something over you. Like your job, your boss has money power over you. Relationships a woman holds a mans kids over his head as a bargaining chip, or a man holds his successful status and house over a poor woman's head. Its all about being independent, smart and having knowledge of the world then you can now stand up for yourself
2007-06-03 11:41:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that they think if they do what people ask them to do all the time, they will be able to make more friends. But in reality, they are not really making any friends at all.
2007-06-03 11:42:47 · answer #7 · answered by Creepy Kourtney 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
To afraid to take up for themselves.
2007-06-03 11:47:21 · answer #8 · answered by michele a 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They are afraid of being disliked
2007-06-03 15:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by Sunrayye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fear of being alone.
2007-06-03 12:21:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋