Help! Would you say something funny to put me in a witty mood?

Question

I'm kind of blah right now, so I need some stimulation. I feel like laughing!

help.

Answer 1

Something funny...Ok.

Alright, here's a joke.

"The Perfect Husband"

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw
one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"


Cheers
bigswing

Answer 2

So a man and a woman are sitting on the couch watching television. The phone rings; the woman gets up to answer it, talks for a few minutes, hangs up and sits back down. The man asks, "Who was that?" The woman replies, "That was my husband." The man moves to get up and says, "Well, I'd better get out of here, then." The woman grabs his wrist, pulls him back down and says, "You don't need to hurry. He just said that he's over at your house playing poker."

Answer 3

Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

Answer 4

Timmmy:there Steve i drew a picture of you
Steve:A picture of me?!why my ears are so big in this picture they could pick hbo!

Timmy:yo mammas so fat that when she went t school she sat next to EVERYBODY
Steve:ya whell,yo mammas so old that when i told her to act her own age she died
Drew:well,you mammas so fat that when a bus hitter she yelled who through that rock!?

Answer 5

a horse walks into a bar and the barman says why the long face?

Answer 6

no matter what happens remember this
everyday above ground is a great day

Answer 7

Your eye is stuck shut!

Answer 8

my lil sis knocked on her wardrobe before she opened it

Answer 9

snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests.

Answer 10

muwhahahah.