Do you like my poem "beautiful powerless morning"?

Question

beautiful powerless morning
swirling trees in skies of grey
i was right there with you
heard every word
that you could never say

sometimes i watch the world unfold
and dream i'm the ink that lives in your skin
where does the illusion stop
where does the real begin

serene circumference of an endless night
trapped in a falling northern light
an icy wind knows your scent and sound
kisses dying seed in southern ground

beautiful powerless morning
swirling trees in sky of grey
you'll always be here with me
alive in every word
that I'll never say

©A.Byers2007

Answer 1

I feel that its descriptive no doubt, but it doesn't evoke any emotion. Poems are supposed to evoke emotion. Personally, i got bored after the first line and skipped to the end. I think that what you're poem is about has been overdone. try something new. i'd give it 3 stars. 6/10

Answer 2

I thought this saved the poem:

sometimes i watch the world unfold
and dream i'm the ink that lives in your skin
where does the illusion stop
where does the real begin

I liked the concept of "ink" because it says more than let's say, "blood." It's very suggestive of more. Indelibility, among other things.

I also liked the contrast in the next stanza...how you went from a falling northern light to dying seed in a southern ground. I thought that sequence made an artistic statement.

I did not particularly like the ending. I think you might have run out of creative steam. A common problem for me.

What ticks me off are the people who give opinions with no back up or specifics. Like it, don't like it, no reasons why.

I think this poem has merit and could be reworked. I thought there were glimmers of artistry. Thanks for sharing it.

Answer 3

THE POEM grew to become into great! The poem looks to bypass slowly, softly, and there seems to be some unhappiness lucking interior the heritage. I additionally see which you had chosen your words extremely heavily. You had use words, data, and word to symbolized the guy's feeling to his/her lover (or grew to become into which you are the guy interior the poem?). suggested ameliorations Your poem is great, ok. It merely that it may well be appropriate in case you may style of "RHYTHM" it somewhat extra. and that i think of it might sound extra suitable while you're making LINE 2, and the final 2 LINE be somewhat longer (a minimum of 5 words) to make the poem seems to be extra slowly and softly.

Answer 4

Yeah its good i can tell it has meaning to it. So yeah write some moe its great!

Peace!

Answer 5

Yes very goooood

Answer 6

I like it- makes me think of mystery, that which is hidden yet known.

Answer 7

wow you have a way with words
I love poetry and you have a great talent...;-)

Answer 8

yeh its really good. great way with your word

Answer 9

♥ I like it, it rhymes and it flows really nicely! =)

Answer 10

great