my husband has left again for the 5 time in our relationship, help?

Question

my husband is very aggressive and continues to leave us and does not communicate at all about finances, etc. he just had his car repo'd and he is blaming me for not taking care of it., i have taken care of everything, he takes care of only his issues that he incurred on one of his bouts like flying to florida to meet the girl he has cheated on me with. He had a 1200 phone bill and recently paid that off and neglects our monthly household bills. no priorities, i am in a very controlling relationship and he knows that i will do anything for him. i refuse to take care of his debts he incurred while leaving us. now after his car has been repo'd, of course i am made to feel its my fault, he wants to move on. is this best? he has not had contact with me or our 3 year old for 5 days, please help

Answer 1

I can understand forgetting and forgiving after doing this once. It could have been chalked up to being stupidity or who knows. But 5 times, thats 4 too many. I think you need to get yourself out of this relationship. It is doing you no good at all. You deserve better than that.

Answer 2

He continues to do this because, as you say: "He knows I will do anything for him". I honestly think you should take your 3 year old and get out of this relationship, before he brings home more than just debts! A one time affair can, I suppose, be forgiven, but 5 times is habitual, and he knows he can control you that way. I don't know whether he physically abuses you at all, but this is also abuse, not only towards you, but towards your child. Either move all your things out of the house while he is gone, or change the locks, and do not allow him back inside. Get legal help for the expenses he has incurred whilst you were apart, so that you are not held responsible for them. I think you have done all you can to keep this marriage alive, with what sounds like no help from his side. Perhaps you not being available when/if he does decide to come back, will make him rethink his priorities a bit, otherwise it is best for you just to move on and make a good life for you and your child.

Answer 3

Your husband is cheating on you. He is also controlling you. This does not sound like a very good relationship. You want a supportive, loving, caring husband. Not one that will leave you on a whim and make you feel powerless.

Fear is holding you back. This fear is preventing you from moving on. If he wants to leave you then he is doing you a favor because he is getting you out of a bad situation.

You want your child to have a nice father. A father that will always be there that loves and cares about his family.

Also, if you can get proof that he has been cheating on you, you will have an advantage in Divorce Court. If the man has money, he can provide for you and your Child. It's time to find a nice Divorce lawyer and get some Child Support. On top of that, get more money for mental distress.

Then you will be a free woman. No longer tied down by negativity and bondage. Set your spirit free and have faith that you deserve someone better in your life.

Answer 4

Oh my! I really do feel for you. That is a horrible situation to be in especially with a child involved. You say your husband is very aggressive and controlling. That right there is enough reason to get out while you can. You didn't mention anything about physical abuse but usually those type of relationships eventually involve abuse. But then you add in the cheating and the secrets about finances, and you have a great reason to leave. I mean, if he cheated once and you forgave him for that then would be one thing, but it sounds like it's on ongoing thing for him. The emotional toll that having a cheating husband takes on you is bad enough, but think about the risk he is taking with your health with all the STD's out there. You don't know this girl, it's hard to say what she might have. So, bottom line is you really should get out now. You should go to a lawyer as soon as possible. You never know when he might try to pop back into your life and take your child from you. Get the ball rolling in the right direction now. Good luck, and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

I think it is clearly best to move on. Talk to a lawyer immediately to protect your rights and to protect the interests of your children, as it is clear he doesn't care.

I am a lawyer and I handle these kinds of cases every day. Most lawyers will need a large amount of money up front, but it may be possible to work something out. For example, I can sometimes arrange to be paid out of money the husband has to pay for spousal and child support.

If you don't go to a lawyer right away, you might not only be responsible for the debts he just ran up, but for a lot of other debts he runs up too, and you might not have any recourse if he comes and takes or destroys a lot of property, or even takes the child off with him.

Answer 6

Perhaps the better question is why do you continually take back a man you KNOW cheats on you? You are an enabler; you allow him to do this to you by taking him back each time. You have to come to a point in your life where you KNOW you are worthy of much better. Are you there yet? I don't think so because you are concerned about where he is and that there has been no contact from him. Move on with your life and learn from this experience. Know in your heart you deserve a man you can trust and someone who will treat you like you are his one and only.

Answer 7

The best move is to let go of that relationship and get away from that guy before things get further out of hand. His financial problem since he is not taking care of you and leads a double life are certainly his problem and you should not participate to his expenditure.
Staying, gives him grounds to believe that his is irreplaceable and that you can not do without him. Make him see the mistake.
On the other hand there are women who like that abuse, are you one? I certainly hope not!
Your priority is to you, and your/and his? kid. However good he might be in certain areas be sure there are others much more gifted and talented.

Answer 8

Get away from the guy. Don't let him come back. If you have to move or take off for parts unknown do so. A controlling relationship like the one you describe has the potential to turn into a violent relationship. Get out while you can. This guy isn't worth your time or energy.
Good luck to you and your kids.

Answer 9

He wants to move on ... so... Let Him Go.
Sounds like a true peice of work anyway.

This short posting of yours is full of contradictions which tells me that you need some serious help in getting your mind straight.
Put your energies into your children, see a lawyer about legally dissolving the marriage and all the while.. get in contact with close, loving family members to be there for you all the way through it.

Answer 10

Yes it is best to let him, wait , make him go, you should never have put up with this type of behavior in the first place, move on and raise your 3 year old the right way