what u think bout my poem "TURN"?

Question

trust turn to lie
lie turn to hate
hate turn to pain
pain turn to sadness
sadness to lonelyness

Answer 1

Your poem is good because it goes from the best and then turns into the baddest! I like your poem very much.

Answer 2

It's not a poem at all. It's a statement you are typing. Try doing

Trust goes to Lie
Whilst Lie starts to fly
To Hate it goes, with pain
With sadness you attain
Here comes lonliness...

Lol.

Answer 3

I'm always astounded at your ability to think/write in a second language. Reading your work, I'd never guess your native tongue is Spanish. To Hell with obnoxious, grammar NAZIs in the group - you're doing GREAT!

I like it. I can see the transitions well enough. It does lack some imagery as someone suggested.

PS - Unlike someone else said, poems do NOT have to rhyme. e. e. cummings never did!

Answer 4

I think your poem is wierd
Wierd because it lacks substance
Substance to take it to a new level
level beyond the one it is currently at
At the beginning of the song rewrite it
It should be started fresh
Fresh start good poem make

Answer 5

What is that special statement you want your reader to feel. All I can see is the succession of one word to another, which doesn't make any sense at all.

Answer 6

i think you should try mine. Here goes:

Don't try to turn; (into someone you're not)
Cause your stomach will churn;
Better let it burn;
It'll make you learn.

How's that for a start?

Answer 7

I give you credit for trying. Unfortunately, you didn't succeed. And next time, use a spell check before you submit your work.

Answer 8

its a baby poem
usually poems have some kind of symbolism or a theme

Answer 9

i think it is really awesome, it gives good explanation on how it really is

Answer 10

its all about turning...try to make something is symbolic..gudluck!!