A young friend has asked my opinion on this poem .I have very little knowledge of what makes a good poem.?

Question

So I leave it up to you.

Danielle Louise
Feelings


In the hot summers I feel so numb
I can barely feel the heat
When I am left alone without your embrace
I cannot feel my stilled heartbeat

In winters when it’s freezing cold all I feel is pain
It’s the pain of being away from you when I want you back again
The seasons change and we fall more apart
It’s something that I hate

But when we come back together I can’t help but celebrate
The feelings of my emotions burst out from hidden depths
All my locked up love for you no longer wants to hide
From now on the love I feel for you
Will always let you know

Even in my dying breath I will not let go of you
My soul is lost without its mate
You know that this is true
Forever my soul will follow
Forever I will love you.

Jsardi56.
knowing what this young girl has been through I was very pleased with it....it wasn't as dark as some of the ones she has sent me

Natalie. she is very young only14 years

Answer 1

it's a good poem, it's free verse. poetry is not really bound by meters or rhymes or all the rules.

Answer 2

This is not a poem, it's a letter in verse form. Your friend should read a book or two about poetry before she tries to write another one.

Answer 3

It's quite wordy. Poetry is supposed to be concise. It's a very good idea though. She had rhyme going on. It's nice, but seems a little stiff. Good luck to her. :)

Answer 4

Well, here goes:

* Too long(keep it short and impactful)
* Words are struggling
* Needs improvement, ALOT
*Good luck !

Answer 5

its not bad if ur friend's really young

Answer 6

How did you feel when you read it?