Opinions about one last poem; Everd at Five?

Question

He sits quietly, alone in the sand, working busily with a cup and a pan,
His mind moves freely through an enchanted land, this mystical boy of mine.
All I can see is a hand moving slow, as a small caped doll moves to and fro.
Unknown to us are the places he’ll go in the eyes of this boy of mine.

He constructs a town and scatters ‘round guards. The hero’s in a chamber, surrounded by bars!
But with subhuman strength, much greater than ours, he escapes with this boy of mine.
Then you’ll hear a small roaring sound as an earthquake shakes and rattles the ground,
And toys and sand are scattered around, as two small hands level the town,
then rebuilt by this boy of mine.

With fascination, I watch him slowly rebuild. Always, I find, that the villain will yield,
And with undying love, my heart is filled for this magnificent boy of mine.
I can see him freely and easily go to those wonderful places I no longer know,
Places, to me, he’ll eagerly show, this instructional boy of mine.

He knows there are fairies who come out at night
to gather and dance when the moon’s shining bright.
“To capture one would be such a delight!” says this imaginative boy of mine.
At night, when tucked into bed, I smooth back his hair as he lays down his head.
“But, mom, I’m not tired,” he yawns as it’s said; Oh, drowsy boy of mine.

Then, next to his kitten he’s snuggled and curled, as he drifts off into his magic world
With abounding wonders and treasures unfurled for this venturesome boy of mine.
And as I gaze on him, so sweet and so fair, sleeping peacefully, without a care,
I find, in wonder, that I still can share in the world of this boy of mine.

Oh my, did I write SUBhuman?? LOL Oh my gosh, I laughed SO HARD!! How could I NOT have noticed that? That's the funniest thing!

Thanks for telling me.

Answer 1

Absolutely delightful. You approach the piece in a distinctly visual manner. I can see what you are saying..and the places you go even though the "boy's eyes".

I think I like the feeling of appreciation you convey. Rather than just description, there is the feeling of awe. That is the best part...well written for sure. I will check on other pieces of yours.

Answer 2

It's the first "real" poem I've ever read on Yahoo. Rhyme, meter, imagery, theme, all are excellent. Try for paid publication and copywrite the poem immediately!

Answer 3

if his strength is "much greater than ours" and it enables him to escape, then it is superhuman strenghth, not subhuman strength.

other than that, i liked it...the repition got to be a little much for me at some points, but I have a less classical taste.

Answer 4

its really beautiful.i could see the'little boy"of yours