money together or separate?

Question

We just started keeping our money together. I give him all my money. He is the big spender & I often feel like he is selfish. In your relationships, who is the spoiled one, the wife or the husband? Is spending money equal? He spends a ton of money on his "fancy" truck which is another issue, because I feel like he's trying to impress women with it. What do u all think?

Answer 1

Joint accounts only work when everyone is thinking of each other. If any one is on a "me" trip... You can expect nothing good to come out of a combined income situation.

The first year or 2 of our marriage, we had joint accounts ck & sav. There was never peace in the home, because neither of us were truly understanding what "joint" meant, so there were periods of panic & long time frustration. After which we decided to go seperate...Within the last year or two (we've been together for 9 now), we've come to understand the meaning of "JOINT" "Marriage" "Partnership" among tons other & have once again joined our accounts... It's been WORKING!!!
I like to spend money (esp on the kids) but I check in with my husband now about everything/every purchase. Now, I don't need to because he's come to trust in my decisions, but I respect him as the Man & head of our home to get his approval and backing 1st. But this is just old Bible teachings...ck out the Book of Ephesians.

Answer 2

Propose a budget. Pay the bills, buy the food, feed the savings acc and then make allowance money for both of you. Equal shares of course. You should be entitled to spend the same amount as he does. If he is spending more than you, he is selfish. What is keeping you from spending your fair share? I know you most likely consider everything else that has to be paid, before you feel like you can spend a little.
Buy some thing big that you want for you, if he says anything, remind him he has his pretty little truck and you deserve something you want for the same price. Don't let him dog you down. Stand up for yourself.

He must feel inadequate some how if he has to have an object to impress other people with."

Answer 3

The wife of course, and.... HE SPENT YOUR MONEY ON A STUPID TRUCK?!!!!! Get out of here. You let him do that?!!!

Okay, around the world, people keep bank accounts seperate. The number one thing couples in north america argue is money. Then keep the bank accounts seperate. Then you won't argue nor resent each other. If he is the big spender, he should spend it on you. He might have a mistress if he spends too much.

Giving a man all your money is NOT ONLY VERY STUPID AND SHORTSIGHTED BUT DANGEROUS. I have seen this create a cycle of abuse. You don't want to be abused: keep money seperate and some friends seperate. Sooner or later you will have problems if you are that close to someone, so keep friends and money separate, and some mutual. Have a mutual account for an investment that you put just as much as he does. Lets say you want to buy a house. Have him put one cent in the mutal account, and you put one. You don't put anymore than he does. You split the rent.

He turns into a baby man and uses you means he doesn't love you, if he is mouching on you. If he doesn't split income, bring home divorce papers and say I need a real man, not another child, so you better start acting like one or I am gone.

He doesn't pay the rent, you find another apartment, find another roommate and disappear. Only then will he value you.

Men are only selfish if you let them be that way. Demand he treat you like a queen or you leave and he will treat you like one. Men treat women like their lowest level of tolerance, so keep it high up there. Besides, men like to brag that they caught a queen.

Answer 4

OMG. he wants it seperated. i dont care either way because he is selfish and i have been independent of his money for so long that it doesnt matter.

in another relationship i wanted to mix our money but when we did, i was always paranoid he would spend it on something he didnt need to ( ex wife bs story) and we would be short on a bill or fun money we rarely had. plus i felt wierd having to ask him if he spent money during the day since i did the book keeping. he would get upset. i would tell himsomeone has to keep tabs on the money. he would save money for a motor cycle but when what about what i wanted it for. then i would agree to let him save and he would then some bs would come up from his side and he would use this mony we saved for his motor cycle and the savings fund would start all over.It was a bunch of drama. so yeah, i would like it together but there is so many issues when moneys collide. but different strokes for different folks.

Answer 5

OH boy! My husband and I have our money together. The thing is.... that we talk about our finances and keep communicating on what we spend.

We made a decision to budget out our money into different categories where each paycheck is distributed amongst the categories. Granted some categories are allotted more money (i.e. car payments, car upkeep/gas, mortgage/rent, groceries etc.) The categories work out great! We simply check to see how much is in there to see how much we can spend on things like: going out, clothes, entertainment, travel.

A great book to read about this stuff is "America's Cheapest Family."

Answer 6

money seem more a symptom of a bigger issue in your relationship especially since you expressed your feelings about him being selfish on his fancy truck and his need to impress others.

the spender & saver in each relationship varies.

there is no right or wrong answer to the spoiled one question.

if he is a spender, it may not be wise to combine funds.

as a woman who has been in similiar situations, it is best to have separate accounts & some savings for yourself too just in case of circumstances that may arise.

Answer 7

You have to be nuts to marry a big spender to begin with. And why would you hand over all you have?

Set a budget and form a joint account to pay for common expenses. You have your own accounts. If you have your own kids, you can put the extra into custodian accounts for your children so nobody can touch them. But you are headed for major problems down the road. He will spend and expect you to subsidize his habbits.

Answer 8

Technically speaking, some of us men loves mechanical stuffs, nothing wrong with wanting to have sport cars or some fancy boats and trucks to try on, if only affordable. To show off, i agree to a certain extend, but rather than to show off to girls, i believe his intention is to show off to all people on how nice his fancy truck and his financial capability to buy it. So, not merely to girls ya.

Everyone of us must save some money ourselves to overcome any rainy days, joint account with husband is another account representing share and family interest.

I still dun believe your husband is a womaniser, a womaniser to what i understand, have a normal car, he will spend all money on women, like buy diamond rings, expensive dinning, posh hotel, nightclub etc etc. You should be glad that he loves fancy truck only (an asset that still can sell if needed), a hobby to him. But due to the high cost of maintaining his hobby, perhap you should talk to him about your future plan, and in respecting him, ask him to spend moderately. As a husband, he should understand.
Good communication is one of key to happy marriage.

Answer 9

I would say give him only what you think is necessary to help pay for some of the household bill and put the rest in your own account. That's what we do. I don't have to feel like he's spending all my money and feel guilty when I want to purchase something.

Answer 10

I held a joint account when I was married. Never again.
I'd also suggest three accounts. One personal for each of you and one jointly shared/funded by both of you.

During my marriage, I was always very careful with money, only spending on what was needed, but my ex didn't like those constraints.

If your husband wants to spend "his" money on "his" truck, let that come from "his" account so you aren't contributing to the never ending "pimp my ride" of fixing it up.