I have a theory. Would you please tell your oppinion about it?

Question

You know, everything has a lifetime. For example, the lifetime of human is about 80 years; Or the lifetime a car is about 20 years; Or a man and a woman who have marriaged, expect that their relationship continue for 50 years, ie that the lifetime of a marriage is about 50 years; or the lifetime of a furniture set is about 5 years. On the othe hand, all of us want everything works and be safe for it's total lifetime, I mean that for example, we want that a car works for us and be safe for all 20 years; or we want that we have a good and safe relationship with our partner (wife or husband) for all the 50 years.
Now, my theory says that if everything would be safe and good for the first one tenth of its lifetime, it will be good and safe for all it's lifetime. For example, if a couple have a good relationship withouth any crisis in the first 5 years, their relationship will be continue safe and good till 50 years.

Thanks for your attention.

Answer 1

Faulty reasoning.

Your theory overlooks the "seven year itch" where some/many relationships fail. There is evidence that contradicts your theory.

Given that marriage stats show that marriages fail after 10 and 15 years, this is not a reasonable theory.

Answer 2

At any time, circumstances can change. Ironically, I have found that the people who allow room for crisis, conflict and change are more apt to foresee, prevent and correct such issues, rather than those who avoid them as something negative and therefore are unprepared when they happen.

I have heard of couples divorcing after 30-50 years of marriage. I have heard of couples fighting like cats and dogs their first year or so of marriage, and then bonding for life after that.

I think one problem with your theory is that you are asking it with the assumption that a crisis is a "bad" thing or that a relationship is "safe" if "nothing goes wrong." This is not true, as the strongest relationships are the ones that can handle anything. Unconditional love only grows from experiences, either good or bad, and by its definition does not depend on "conditions" to survive, such as a "fair weather friend."

What I would look at to judge whether someone is sound in relations is how that person has responded to conflict in the past, whether that person is friends with previous partners or bosses or is forgiving of past relationships or even people who did them wrong without justification, or how that person views or talks about other people's relationships and behavior, especially either their parents or family, or their own past or current relations.

The maturity level, the ability to accept or even take greater responsibility to make relations work more smoothly, is better indicated in that way, rather than measuring based on "length of time." Time is relative, and different relationships can go through different stages and cannot be compared on a fixed scale.

To me the common factor is how well a person or relationship deals with "change" and "conflict." The ability to resolve, recover and to heal is a more telling factor, and you can actually see this in action better if there IS a crisis, so that is not necessarily a negative factor. (Only if problems or patterns keep repeating, because a person is not addressing the root cause, would such a recurring "crisis" perhaps serve as a warning sign of destructive shortlived relationships until that person figures it out if ever.)

Answer 3

You have a theory that we wish to be true, but of course it isn't. You have forgotten the variables and destiny. No one knows what tomorrow may bring, we cannot undo what happened yesterday but we can learn from out mistakes today. If a couple have a good relationship for the first 5 years they will PROBABLY have a good relationship through out their lifetime. This is not saying that if crisis will happen, or that the two loving people be split apart by some unknown cause. But what we do know, is that we all have a certain time on this earth, and we have have some control over the way we live our lives, but what tomorrow may bring is unbeknown to anyone.