Do you like my poem?

Question

sunset bows to the curtain of night,

humbled by a vain blanket of stars.

a lunar spell entrances the sea,

as still air mocks my sails and scars.

one last night in this casket adrift,

upon currents unkind and too far from home.

salt in my nose,

damp in my shoes,

surrounded by life,

yet forever alone.

bring us the last thimble of wine.

we'll drink up a toast to our bitter defeat.

raising our chalice to the vulture's prey.

to sweeten our meat for the carrion feast.


©A.Byers2007

Answer 1

I like it! The description is wonderful and the poem doesn't feel like something I've read a thousand times. It's simple and yet, when I read it, I see lots of depth to the imagery and it appeals to the senses - all important things.

Keep up the good work. :)

Answer 2

I am not joking. This sounded like a poem a vampire would write from his heart as he is being transported across the ocean to his new resting place.

I mean no disrespect. In fact, pretending I am right, I thought it was nicely done.

Answer 3

Very sensational. Carried my head away to constellations far away. Keep up the good job and we might see your name among the literary greats in a while.

Answer 4

The only lines I would revise are
"salt in my nose
damp in my shoes"

"nose" and "shoes" sound so ordinary, they do not match the
more creative descriptive words placed throughout the rest.

How about
"the salt water sweet
laps at my feet"

Answer 5

Again the format makes reading it hard work but still it`s worth the effort for something like this. Can`t fault it.

Answer 6

good again but i liked million miles n breathe better

Answer 7

nice, i'm a little lost, but it's still good

Answer 8

i like the rhyming

Answer 9

your other one was way better

Answer 10

yes.