Here is the thing, my gf and I cannot have sex until married. I asked if she was a vrigin. She admitted that she wasn't a virgin but told me she wasn't "like that". Eventually after many months I finally got her to tell me...she was date raped. She says after a month of dating this guy sat on top of her and raped her. She told him no, tried to push him off and didn't take her clothes off. That was her first time. She never went to the police (statistically less than 16% of women do). Says she never saw him again. She admits she liked him and was attracted to him but told him no and tried to push him off.
I suspected this before she ever told me because I sat on top of her once when we first started dating and the way she reacted gave me that feeling in my gut that she had been raped years ago.
Thing is she was raised in a religious home and the only reason her parents found out about it was because they fould some papers for a blood test in her room.
2007-06-02 17:46:48 · 10 answers · asked by tcpip t 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Some might say her story sounds fishy because of the clothes thing, not going to the police, etc, and that she just claimed she was raised because her parents found the paperwork for a blood test.
But she admitted that she had sex with her new bf 6 weeks later after he wore her down. I don't think she would admit to willingly having sex with a guy to me if she was trying to use rape as an excuse for sex. She was not religious back then, her parents where.
One thing I noticed is her physiology changes when she talks about the rape and her only other sexuall experience. Her eyes access kinesthetic memory for the rape (looks down) and her face gets flushed. When she talks about the other sexual experience, her eyes access visual memory (up and to the left) and everything appears normal.
Do you believe her? I do, but want input.
2007-06-02 17:50:47 · update #1
she didn't take a blood test in her room, read the freaking question they found receipts for the blood test and asked her about them.
2007-06-02 18:03:11 · update #2
yeah I don' t think most rapists get undressed and fully undress their victims. Just enough to do it. I mean there would be a struggle presumably so how would you get them completely undressed.
2007-06-02 18:05:43 · update #3
I would believe her until something very substantially proved otherwise. Don't dwell on it and if you do, move on, you don't deserve her.
2007-06-02 17:52:45 · answer #1 · answered by pjallittle 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you really believed her, you wouldn't have to ask...and what does it really matter now anyways. If you are the type of guy who is obsessing over what a girl may have done long before you, they do her a favor and walk away. I'll bet some guys will understand why you persist. In a way it is a guy thing, and doesn't need to be explained to other guys...we get it. SHE doesn't. In fact, you don't want to explain to her why you are persisting in this matter. Either cut her some slack or cut her lose. She can only be who she is now, and she can't change the past no matter what it is. AND, you do not have a right to know everything...would you be able to always be perfectly honest with her? About absolutely everything? SO: from one guy to another...I get it. But best you drop it, and leave it alone.
2007-06-03 01:03:58 · answer #2 · answered by Iamstitch2U 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm a little confused...she didn't take her clothes off? Did anyone take her clothes off? Sometimes some girls who are inexperienced think they're not a virgin because some ejaculated on them. If she had been raped (meaning it was against her will which is how her story sounds) I would still consider her a virgin because her intent is really important. (While there are girls who have had oral sex - willingly - with dozens of guys and DO consider themselves virgins. I wouldn't consider them virgins.) Anyway, virgin sounds like such an old fashioned, uptight word. If she reacted in an odd way when you sat on top of her, obviously she was bothered by this previous situation. She probably still has some issues with it. And what kind of blood test was she taking in her room? (Pregnancy tests are usually urine, if it's the home kind.)
2007-06-03 00:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by lotus4yoga 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd believe her. Rape is a serious thing, and I don't think most girls would lie about it. Sure, there are some that do, but I think it is fair to say that the majority don't. Unless she is a compulsive liar usually, I'd take her word. Rape can come in different forms, so her clothes do not have to be off (or completely off) to be raped.
2007-06-03 01:01:40 · answer #4 · answered by January 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would believe her. I have a hard time thinking that she would lie about something like that. Rape is not about the sex, it's about control. It's a terrible thing for a woman to have to endure and it can leave a lot of emotional scars. Take it easy with her and be gentle and understanding. If you are considering marriage, you should trust her completely.
2007-06-03 00:55:11 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's depressing. You should definitely believe her. Most women would NOT make up something that's so drastic and hurtful. If I were you, I'd be extra nice to her to show that yes there are sweet caring men out there. Be respectful of her needs but of course don't let her take advantage either. Have a healthy balanced relationship. And you will both be happy,.
2007-06-03 00:55:25 · answer #6 · answered by FlounderingFishy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe her. Most women that are raped are ashamed, feel like it's their fault and some decide not to report it. It's a horrific thing and it's even harder to tell your family.
It takes a lot of courage for a woman to talk about it.
Go with your gut, you said you had the feeling that she may have been.
2007-06-03 00:51:31 · answer #7 · answered by steffers27 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I believe her because you said when she talks about she reacts differently than when she talks about sexual intercourse alone. And plus you said that when you sat on top of her when you two started dating she reacted in a way that even you thought that she has been raped.
2007-06-03 01:17:51 · answer #8 · answered by Just Ask :-) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I belive that story too. Women don't make up stuff like that. My advice to you is to give her some TLC. Treat her right, don't dwell too much on sex for now. You love her, so respecting her wish to abstain until marriage shouldn't be too hard for you to do. Just wait until you marry her.
2007-06-03 01:13:42 · answer #9 · answered by Neshi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen up, man. It doesn't matter what anybody but you thinks. What's important is that you believe her, and that's the one that counts. Am I right?
2007-06-03 01:14:19 · answer #10 · answered by charliecizarny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋