well , i gave advice to ppl before to not stay in a marraige if they do nothing but fight. but i am in same position myself. verbally abusive husband , always argue etc etc. i know i need to leave but for the love i have for my children keeps me here. i dont want them seperated. there are 5 kids. 1 before hubby 4 with hubby. i know it would break their hearts to be apart from one another cause they love each other alot. but it is hard for me to deal with the verbal abuse from him especially when my 6+7 yr olds call me and tells me the same things he does. other than his disregard about fighting in front of them hes a good father. but it has taken its toll on my health an well being to be putting up with "your a worthless mother" "whore, *****,slut" on a daily basis. Am I wrong to stay because i love my babies so much i dont wanna seperate them? I know i should get out of this marraige but cant seem to overcome the thought that it would be selfish of me to split the children up...
2007-06-02 17:35:22 · 10 answers · asked by war 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just cause i dont love their father anymore and we dont get along.
2007-06-02 17:36:41 · update #1
Trust me, you aren't doing your children any favors. If he is verbally abusive to you it adversely affects your children. My father was verbally & physically abusive. I celebrated when HE finally left my mom because it was such a relief. You need to get out for yourself AND your children.
2007-06-02 17:58:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are very wrong to stay because later on your children will end up having problems with relationships and they will become abusive to their peers. you say you are staying because of the children that's not a good reason to stay I'm sorry to say. but why would you think if you leave then the children have to be separated. the children don't have to be separated at all. either you get the children or he gets the children but in the case you will get the children because he abusive and in most state they side with the mother to get the children then the father. and no court is going to side with him to have the children unless he gets help. and he proves that you are an unfit mother. so do yourself and your children a favorite and get out while you can. you don't need to be in this kind of relationship and you already know it's bad for you and it's taking a toll on your health. i hope you do the right thing for you and your children. good luck.
2007-06-02 18:02:40 · answer #2 · answered by thydarknight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well being on this side of the keyboard and have gone thru this before myself. I am not sure if you have talked to him about it or not. Have your tried counseling? If not maybe try that and see what his reaction is then or I recorded when it was happening and played it back. I did end up leaving and I can say that I have a 11 & 7 year olds on that I hate to admit seen this on a daily basis and I have more issues with my children because of this then I thought that I would have.
My youngest son have a lot of problems and this was a result of what was happening. My son acts sooo much like his father it scares me. My bf at the time is my sons father. My son watched his fathers actions and acts like him by talking abusing his peers. My son is in a special school because of this.
The only thing I can say is try the counseling if it does not work please think about what damage could be done to your children especially if they are witnessing your husbands behaviors.
Best of luck to you
2007-06-02 17:44:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's not so good to keep them in the abusive situation. Do you have access to counseling? Even if he won't go, it may help you to understand why he does this to you and give you some alternatives to work with. You can't change him, but you can change what you are doing. There are options, you have to find out what they are. I don't think it is real good on your children to live in that kind of situation, it certainly isn't good for you either. Go on line and see if you can find any info on abusive husbands. Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, it's just that the scars are not on the outside of the body, they are on the mind and heart of you and your children.
2007-06-02 17:52:35 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of the kids, leave him! It is causing much more damage to them to be in that situation. That is why I'm leaving my emotionally abusive, alcoholic, drug addict husband. We fight all the time and he tries to manipulate me. Try to explain it to the kids that sometime people just don't get along. Plus, growing up seeing so much anger from him may make them lean towards the same behavior when older. I believe you will be much more at peace and feel better and be able to focus more on your children if you get rid of him. God Bless...
2007-06-02 17:52:55 · answer #5 · answered by Teresa G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A "good father" doesn't verbally abuse his children's mother. If you let it continue your children will grow up to treat you in the same fashion their father does and you sons will grow up to treat the other women in their lives as horribly as their father treats you. By allowing your daughters to see how your husband treats you you are dooming them to the same sort of life you lead. You're children's FIRST and FOREMOST teachers are their parents and what lessons you teach them at home will follow them for the rest of their lives. If you loved your children you wouldn't allow them to be brought up this way.
2007-06-02 19:46:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to do what is right for you and the kids, kids in
a marriage that there is abuse of any kinds is not good for
them they will have to deal with outcome rather you stay or
leave.but to be honest i would think about the fact that
these children have to deal with this kind behavior that'
will cause harm to them down the road. if you truly love
them then be honest and do what is right for them. if you
need to get counseling or time to really look at getting
out. it will not get any better .
2007-06-02 17:45:21 · answer #7 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW I wish I could answer that, sadly I'm in the exact same situation. I can tell you, you should leave, I know that's what I should do but saying it, wanting it and actually doing are completely different things. My husband is such a jerk in fact today was our 6 year anniversary, he had to work, but he didn't even tell me happy anniversary even after I told him.
2007-06-02 18:09:32 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The environment the kids are in is what's causing them to be like this, any social worker would see it the same way.
Staying would not solve anything and just make it worse - you know that.
2007-06-02 17:48:43 · answer #9 · answered by Unicornrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your children, why are you teaching them that their father behavior towards you is ok. By not taking action, they will determine it is alright.
2007-06-02 18:38:17 · answer #10 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋