Is it pressure to be the only Black guy?

Question

So I slept with this white girl (yes I know its becoming a habit ... lol). Anyway, she claims to have never been with a Black guy. It sort of went in one ear and out the other. But now she is talking about coming back to town to spend the week. She says things like: "I wanna to eat at some of 'YOUR' restaurants and go see some of 'YOUR' movies"

I dont want to disappoint her, but I dont own any restaurants and I haven't made any movies.

She even had to nerve to actually say "I can't wait to feel your big black ... " well ya know. I think the whole Black thing is going to her head. I really hate that I am the only experience she will likely have with a Black guy. I was happy to live up to some of her pre-conceptions. But I think she is about to get her feelings hurt. Im probably going to ruin it for the next brotha.

Old Dog - Chinese and Bowling is exactly what I do! you know me so well ... lol.

Answer 1

$0.02, sweetie, just think about the situation a little more. It may not be what you think.

"She says things like: "I wanna to eat at some of 'YOUR' restaurants and go see some of 'YOUR' movies""
----I think someone else already made this point, but I'll mention this anyway... Since she doesn't live in your area (I'm assuming based on the "coming back to town" comment.) it could be that, when she said "your", she was referring to the establishments in your area. Many people use the word "your" in that context.

As far as the "big black ..." comment is concerned: It's possible that she was just asking to have sex again by trying to arouse you with "sexy talk". I don't think the word "black" should bother you unless you prefer that your penis be referred to as it's actual complection: light brown, dark brown, or whatever. It's just a discription. Haven't you ever mentioned color while talking "dirty" to a woman? "Why don't we go back to my place so I can taste some of that gorgeous pink *****? Anything like that? Same thing. No biggie.


Back to the "your" issue:

For the sake of argument, let's assume that you are correct- that she was using the word "your" in the place of the word "black"- because it's very possible that this is indeed what she was doing. This doesn't necessarily mean that she intended to offend. She just made a poor choice in speech. It's possible that she was trying to show you that she is interested in learning about, and experiencing, black culture and/or what she thinks/assumes you enjoy.

Let me explain something else:

There's a strong possibility that anyone who has never had intimate experiences outside of his/her race/culture is clueless in some ways. I'll focus on black men and white women since that's your situation... And, since I fall into society's category of white, I'll speak from a white woman's standpoint... I've always been intimate with black men, so I don't think I was ever clueless. But, since I'm in the position of seeing things from both sides to a certain extent, I think I can explain how some white women feel when they get involved with a black man for the first time. The closest that many of these women have ever been to experiencing any aspect of black culture is by interacting with non-blacks who embrace certain aspects of black culture. I'm not stereotyping anyone, but people are influenced by culture, so, unless a white man is exposed to (or participates in) any aspect of black culture, there are likely to be differences (in personality, mannerisms, etc..) between him and a black man (unless, of course, the black man doesn't participate in any aspect of black culture as well). Again, I am NOT stereotyping. I am well aware, and always say, that race doesn't predetermine anything. But, as I said, culture influences people. That being the case, many white women are overwhelmed when they have their first intimate experience with a black man. It can be exciting, because it's a new experience. It can be more intense than words can discribe. I'll try to illustrate my point with one example. I don't know if you'll see the connection, but, at the very least, you may find it interesting....

I'm sure you've heard the stereotype that white women are "faster" than other women, that black men seek out white women for "an easy lay". Well, this is, as I said, a stereotype. It isn't fact. Being white doesn't predispose someone to being "easy", and cultures that are referred to as "white" do not encourage women to ''hop in the sack''. In this country, women of ALL cultures are still degraded for celebrating their sexuality. Anyway, while white women are generally not "faster" than other women, there ARE some white women who are likely to have sex with a black man sooner than they would with a white man. (And I think this might be one reason for the above stereotype.) A huge reason why this happens is cultural differences. This may be difficult to understand if you aren't a woman who has experienced both the stereotypical black man and the stereotypical white man. If I were to stereotype, I would say, for one thing, that black men have a much more convincing "talk game". I hope that I'm making sense without sounding like I'm generalizing.

My point is that, as I said, cultural differences can overwhelm white women. If you really like the woman about whom you speak, and you enjoy the intimate time that you spend together, my advice is to be patient. Let her know what you like and what you don't like. Politely tell her when she speaks in a manner that is offensive to you and let her know how she could express herself more appropriately. Man, just talk it out.
And look on the bright side- She said you have a big toy. LOL! Don't worry, be happy. ☺

Answer 2

You said she was talking about coming back to town to spend the week. So, if she is visiting you, she may just mean YOUR restaurants/movies that you normally see. It may not be a race issue at all. And as far as the big black... comment she probably was trying to turn you on. She probably does have some preconceptions/stereotypes about black people, but take this as a good chance to enlighten her. She may just be proud to be sleeping (or having a relationship, or whatever you are doing) with a person of a different race.
My boyfriend is black and I'm white and we have been together for 2 years. We're both very proud to have made our interracial relationship work despite all of the small minded bigots out there (and unfortunately there are many). Before you hurt her feelings try to rationally talk to her about it and see why she is phrasing those comments the way she is. She may stereotyping you (and all black men) or maybe your just taking it the wrong way. The only way to find out is to ask!

Answer 3

First off you are rarely going to get a intelligent answer about race on this board. All sides trolls are here and in full effect. I'm actually wondering if you are one of them. This is your second question bashing white guys. Yes white guys think cute black women are attractive. Anyone who says they can't find attractive people of a race is a liar. I've never once in my life heard a white guy say he's not attracted to black women. You know who generally says white guys arent attracted to black girls and vice versa. Black men lmao It's true. I bet most of these trolls are black dudes like you get the white trolls all over white women with black men questions. Now to answer your question, I believe your generalizing. Your describing lots of guys reactions around women regardless of race. Also, maybe your putting out some wierd energy to the white guys. Fom your other question where you said you don't like white guys staring at you I guess this to be true. Guys pick up on the negative energy fast. Maybe you don't even know you are doing it.

Answer 4

Just about the same story for me I'm the only white guy in the hood and all the black woman are after me . They like to feel my hair of all things cant keep there hands off it .And yes they tell me the same thing " Ive never been with a white man before " .Well i cant do them all just so they can say i did a white man . Woman are just screwed up no matter what color they are

Answer 5

Preconceptions are hard to digest I know. I'm an artist with Native blood in me. The blood shows it self a lot, so I get a lot of "mummy nature, tree huggin" females apologizing for the white man's damage to our land. $H!T if they knew just how violent, and cruel my ancestors were they'd choke on their flowers. Then there's the artsy fartsy ones who don't understand me, but ....I'm an artist so I can get away with it!?!?
Preconceptions man!! They are so damned stupid, and hard to dispel.
I just go with it until they learn it on their own.
Take the girl to a Chinese restaurant, and then go bowling or something lame in the suburbs.
That or just do what you normally do in your daily life as a man. Take her along with you for the ride, soon enough she will find what is, and what isn't!

Answer 6

i feel you in the sense that i would do the same if i went out with a black or white male....she isnt going against you or trying to be rude,she is simply wanting to be i guess more accepted,or wants to see your view of things!!! take it from someone who some day will probably end up doing the same just not that harshly! for me,i would simply want to learn more about you, and your people,culture and what not...i guess she is too excited!

Answer 7

She is probably some limousine liberal loser and you are part of her "outreach" to the black community. Have a look at "Malibu's Most Wanted" for her perspective. Use her up and spit her out. Suggest you video the sex. She is so stupid that you should make sure you have the contraception done, unless you want a kid.

Answer 8

if you don't have feelings for the girl, don't sleep with her and end it now before you hurt her. don't treat her like a peice of meat. if you do break up with her just tell her you'd rather be friends, but just see how you'll feel when she comes to see you before you make major changes.

Answer 9

..02 she's talking about soul food restaurants and Black movies, like tyler perry etc...

Answer 10

She that dang gullible! She probaly a lying ho! She probaly been wita gang of black dudes....they got them habits about tryin to look innicent! I bet yor esteem den went up sence you think she all into you. Shell surpris you soon