I have been married now for almost 3 years, I found out that my husband was cheating on me in January I called

Question

the female and met with her, I showed her the marriage liscence and every thing else that she needed to see to prove to her that this man was married. It has been 5 months I have proof that they are still talking I'm not for sure if they are still seeing each other, but I am so confused I am 34, He is 41 and she is 45 or 46 she has a 25 and 22 yr old and some grandchildren. These are games that should not be played because I pray that no one gets hurt I'm trying hard and I need some advise and please if you have something childish to say please please keep it to yourself I'm playing with to many kids right now and have two of my own. Thank you

I was just trying to break it down I was feeling funny so I happened to call my husband cell phone and heard her message. I called her back and her daughter answered the phone, her daughter then gave me her wrk number, I called on a 3 way and this female tells me that she did not know that my husband was even married and the reason that she did not see him all the time was because he claim he had more than one job. This was my reason for meeting with her and showing her anything. I confronted my husband and he has denied everything. And to this day he still is he says that I dont have any proof and I choose to listen to someone on the outside of the house vs. him.

Answer 1

You don't mention what you husband said to you once he was found out. It's also not clear that you've both sat down and talked about the affair and why he felt he had to go outside of his home. In my opinion, the person you should have been talking to was your husband. The Other Woman has very little to do with this; it was your husband who made the choice to be unfaithful. What she thinks is of very little consequence.

First, decide if you love your husband to work this out if he is willing. If he isn't, then get an attorney and move to end your marriage. If he is willing to work on your marriage, find a marriage counselor and start couples counseling immediately. Only you know what your level of tolerance / forgiveness is. I'm a little concerned that this happened in January and nothing has been discussed. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

First of all, take a deep breath.

You need to start Plan A. Check out marriagebuilders.com and search for Plan A. Basically you demand that he and this person no longer communicate in any way. No contact whatsoever. Then expose him for the cheater he is. Tell everyone that you can think of. Meanwhile work on yourself. Kill the man with kindness, no matter what he throws at you. Don't add fuel to the fire by being vindictive or whatever.

Seriously you aren't the only one that goes through stuff like this. I'd check out that website for some information and for some support.

I would also start going to marriage counseling. It will open up the floor to discuss your relationship, and maybe start healing your marriage and restore that trust.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I have read your posting a couple of times. If I am understanding this correctly, your husband has never taken responsiblity for his actions. Taking papers to the other woman was a waste of time. By doing this, you are putting the responsibility of ending the relationship on her. The person that is in the wrong here is your husband! He is the one that made the decision to cheat on you. Who he cheated with is not relevant. His attitude towards you is disrespectful and it doesn't seem like he is sorry. If he was, he would be trying to work things out with you. You need to start thinking about and your children. If he is not willing to own up to what he did and try to change, is this the person you want to be with? Don't settle, you and your children deserve better.

Answer 4

You really need to sit down with your husband and explain how you feel. Let him see that you know everything that is going on with him and the other women. You have already been hurt and there needs to be a conclusion to this current problem. You may or may not like his answer but you need to stop the hurt at some point in time and the time is now.

Answer 5

If you know your husband has cheated on you, why are you there??? Betrayal is THE deal buster, hon, and if you have any self-esteem at all...guess what? You are being played as the jerk in reserve. In your place, I'd dump the guy... oh, yeah, I did. Fight for a marriage? Are you nuts? Less than 20 % of marriages with betrayal continue past the 2nd year..... Why would anyone waste two years....

When my cheated, I showed him the evidence, and asked for a divorce.... gone, as in evaporated, and found a man worthy of my love and affection....

Answer 6

a guys point of view............mustluv50............what this is called is a delema...i read the other answers that you have here and i must say there are few i dissagree with...i'm not a fan of divorce...in fact i hate it...but (theres always a but), you have to know where to draw the line...i am 19 years older than you,and i've seen marriages break up for less...i have also seen women stay in a relationship like this...even though you have kids of your own, you are only 34 years old your still young yet...there is a guy out here that will love, honor and cherish only you...not all of us cheat ...we're all pigs,(lol), but in the most part we do know how to be faithful to the women we marry...this guy is a dog...you are to good for him...my advise...kick his azz to the curb...let him know what it feels like to be pushed off to the side...and if you 2 have kids together, then sue his azz...take him to the cleaners...and then look him straight in the eyes and say this...i forgive you...this will really sink his battleship...be safe...be kind...and i wish you love...

Answer 7

I don't want to sound cruel or anything but I would never confront another woman about my man or my husband. Your husband is the one who opted to go out and have an affair.

You should have confronted him, and gave him some options...You showing this lady your marriage license meant nothing to her....she knew he was married.

It's easy for people to tell you to leave, but sometimes that's not so easy to do....If you're unsure that the affair is continuing, keep your eyes open...and if it doesn't stop then you should be making other arrangements...

Because one thing if for sure you can't watch his every move, you can't control his actions we can only change ours.

Answer 8

Your husband is responsible for the adultery. She couldn't be with him if he wasn't going for it. She doesn't care that he is married and doesn't care about anything you have to say. He doesn't care that he is married or it would never have happened. He has totally disrespected you and your marriage. How long will you hang around with some one who doesn't love you and is unfaithful, untrustworthy and a dog? You have the only biblical reason that you can use for divorce. If he is still talking to her, he is still committing adultery.
He will probably try to blame this on you. Don't let him.

Answer 9

I have been in almost exactly your situation. my husband was 40, and I 30. We had 2 children, and he had a girlfriend. When I found out, he said he would leave her. A few months later, I learned he was still cheating, and had actually brought my daughter to that womans house! I finally had to leave him, I couldn't let my daughters learn to live with no self-respect, I am trying to raise them to be good women, and I need to be a good example for them to follow. My way is not right for everyone, but it worked for me. I realized he was not truly repentant, he was just tired of talking about it. After we left, it took a week for him to realize what he gave up. He caught on that the new relationship thing is fun, but that the fun wears off, and you are left with the same person day after day. He realized that he didn't want spend the rest of his life with her, that he wanted to spend it with me and our daughters.It took a long time and a lot of work, but we got through it. You have to do what feels right for you, and not what the world thinks is right. My mom still says I should divorce him, but you need to decide for yourself, I keep telling her that it is my life and my marriage, and I have to live with my decisions.She does not have to agree with my choices, but she should respect them.

Answer 10

Love yourself enough to do what is best for you. Only when you are making sure that you are taken care of can you take care of anyone else. If you have children you need to let them know that it is not acceptable. Staying with the guy teaches the children that it is acceptable and then they may fall into the same situation and never leave. Good Luck...