Trustful comments to my poem, please?

Question

All she had was a dream.
A dream that you took away,
And never gave it back,
Because you had nothing else to do.
It was her dream,
That never came true,
Because you took it away
And never gave it back.
It was her dream,
That you ruined,
Because you took it away,
And never gave it back.
She loved you,
You know,
And you loved her,too.
I know you did.
So I have to ask:
Why did you take her dream away
And never gave it back?
It was my friend’s life you took.
Even through you didn’t kill her physically,
But you mentally killed her.
You said you hated her,
And she thought you were the only person
That actually cared about her.
But she was wrong.
You go and say that
You hated her.
So the next day,
She takes her life.
I can’t imagine
What the hell had happened
That made you say
That you hated her.
I wish you could feel
The pain that I have,
When I heard the news.
She loved you to death.
And I wanted to tell
You something for my dead friend:
She’s sorry
For what she had done,
That made you hated her
So much.

Answer 1

Wow, deep emotion and pain in there. It's like I can actually feel the pain u feel, just not a bad as I know u feel it. I'm sorry about ur friend. I really like ur poem, altho it was very long. But the good thing is u were able to put passion and soul into it. That's what poetry is all about. Being able to write ur feelings is like a way of screaming in anger. U did a good job and grammar and punctuation was neat. I really, truly love it. Good luck!

Answer 2

Well... i think that it is OK but you repeat a lot "you took it away and never gave back". Also you should check that the words had a rhythm because that makes the people really enter in the poem. Starting from "even though you didn't killed her physically" you break the rhythm constantly, but is good

Answer 3

Truthfully - this isnt poetry. This is prose broken up in lines to mimic poetry. It lacks the flow and lyrical quality that differentiates poetry from prose. Poetry is meant to be read aloud. If you read this aloud, you will be able to hear how it is lacking in rhythm and flow.

Now, you can do one of two things. You can take the gushing praise of people who tell you they are poets themselves and know good poetry when they see it, or you can take the advice of someone who has taught all forms of creative writing from ages 6 through college.

This is typical teenage emo poetry. Of course there is lots of angst and emotion there because to teenagers, the world is a terrible place out to get them. Everybody has pain, and believe me one day the teenage angst will seem like very minor issues in comparison to adult ones.

But do not lose hope. If you want to, you can read this aloud line by line and work on learning to hear the flow and lyrical quality that makes it poetry. You can adjust your lines by taking away a word here and adding word there, choosing words with different syllables and different sounds and coming up with a lyrical, flowing poem. Or you can listen to the so called Yahoo Poetry experts (who never seem to show you their own work by the way) and rejoice in their unabashed praise. The choice is yours. Personally, I would rework it. Pax - C

Answer 4

Trustfully,
This 'poem' would make a typical-lindsaylohan- song.
Didn't like the starting (introdution) though...

Answer 5

I'm a poet myself, so I know what I'm talking about when I say your poem's good.