Should I sill love my wife after all she as done ?

Question

Married 23 years, two lovley daughters, good std of living, holiday home abroad, very few finanicial worries, but she found another man and left me & the kids, without warning, jI ust got back from work one day and she was gone. I thought we had a fairly good marriage except for last few weeks when she went cold on me. Did not see what was coming. She now makes very little contact. She has made very little contact with her kids, texts every now and then. No contact with her mum, dad brother & Sisters. Refuses to pay anything towards mortgage or anything, but still insists she will get 50% of everything when we divorse. She don't want divorse yet, cant afford it she says. But managing to pay for rent on new home with this man, buy new car and new laptop. Problem is, I cant think of anything else but her, the things we have done together etc . She is constantly on my mind. Its driving me mad. I still love her so much, but she don't seem interested.

Sorry. Must point out Kids are 22 and 19 but still live at home, so no question of custody problems, Cant afford to move on at moment. Once all bills are paid, only enough money left to buy food. Kids do help with money but they have there own lives to live and are on very low income. She left me truly in financial Sh**t. But still love her and miss her loads.

Answer 1

A part of your heart will always love her no matter what choices she has made.

You two had a life together and created a ton of memories. Hold them dear to you but let her go.

She has hurt you and your children but that is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to your children and yourself.

My best advice would be to get a calender and write down every factual thing you can about the time-line of her leaving. When she calls, when she has any contact of any kind. When she created her own living environment with another man.

She will be held accountable for her actions and showing the factual information that you will have will help you to keep what you have earned and what she does or does not deserve.

Get some hobbies, find some new outlet for you. Something that you have never done before so that there are no ties with her or anything that the two of you have done. You will not only start creating new and wonderful memories but you will meet new and interesting people.

Only time will heal what is hurting you today and although it does not feel like it ever will just hang tight.

Good luck (((((((BIG HUG)))))))

Answer 2

i think what u need 2 do is sit down and talk 2 her. if that doesnt work than i think u should divorce her *** dispite weather she can aford it or not.she should have thought of that b4 she cheated on u!dont take this the wrong way but i think she is a 2-timing *****!i think u should raise the kids because ovbiously she doesnt care about them. i dont c y she would just leave lyk that 4 no reasson.think hard y would she do this? there has 2 b some reason y she wasnt happy with her life. i dont know y she would cut off contact with her family either.talk 2 her. u might find the answers 2 these questions. Also if she has hurt u that much what is the use 2 keep her as ur wife. i cant believe that she has left u with all the bills and wont pay for a thing. if u do get a divorce than u can make her pay 4 child support scince she has had very little contact with her children.

Answer 3

I've been there too my friend. Similar circumstances. One day she was suddenly hostile and I found out she was cheating. Concentrate on being a good Father to your children. Focus on work. Work out often-physical exercise is a great stress reliever. There's nothing you can do but deal with it the best you can. Time will heal the situation. Hang in there and know that you are not the only one going through this. Also, if you haven't already done so, get an attorney. Stress and fear come from the unknown. A lawyer can answer alot of questions for you and let you know where you stand legally on many issues.

Answer 4

I would get some counseling for yourself and the kids. In some ways you are in mourning, your mourning the life you had, the future you thought you would have and the relationship. It would also be a good idea to contact a lawyer and get legally seperated from her so that you won't be financially responsible for anything she does while on her own otherwise you could legally be responsible for 50% of any debt she incures while on her own. It's also important to legally document that she abandoned the kids and odesn't have any interest in contacting them for the most part.

I think you need to come to terms with mourning the relationship and keeping that seperate, so eventually you realize the relationship you are mourning and the wife you thought you had don't really exist anymore.

Be sure and get the kids counseling as abandonment issues and other probems may come up later even if you think they are dealing well with it now.

Answer 5

divorce her
why are you letting her dictate terms to you
yes she'll get 50% fo what you got
more so if you live in CA, as since you've been married over 10 years she's entitle to LIFETIME alimony payments

get a divorce laywer NOW
have her served now
do not wait
sure it emotionally tough with 23 years behind you
but life goes on
and you must do it as well
let her life become a financial trianwreck ( in divorces even though you may end paying for what not, long term finacially men always come out on top.. she'll probaly end up on welfare )..
you're going ot have to get over the fact that she was cheating on you..
trust me when i say she has been seeing him lonnngg before she evetualyl did
for her it was timing and opportunity
she picked a time and date when to leave you
but she had been seeing him for a long , long , long time
and once that reality sets in you must get down to the business of divorce
she can never be trusted again
marriage counciling is NOT an option
divorce is

Answer 6

Oh boy. Your situation is sad. Those out of the blue ones can really wreck someone. Tough to figure out where you wrap your mind when you haven't a clue anything was amiss. Yeppers your mind is not your friend right now. Harking back to the use to be. What worked for me and may work for you is to write you 23 year story. Go one step further and take it into the future. In another words create your own ending. Something about bringing it to a close on your own terms allows you to let go. Then, and only then, are you ready to step out into your future. Sit down and start typing. Do not stop until you are FINISHED. By the end of my story I was laughing out loud. Go ahead and be creative. Nobody has to read it.

Answer 7

Sadly, it seems she's made up her mind. As hard as it, as much as it hurts...get the divorce ASAP. Her financial situation is her own fault. Do not create hardships for you and your children to make things easier on her. She made her decision. Get a good divorce lawyer. Adultry carries a lot of weight in divorce court and child custody hearings. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Try to pick up a hobby that keeps your mind busy, spends LOTS of time with your kids, go on outings, go to amusement parks, bike riding...whatever you love to do, but stay active. Your kids need you and you deserve so much better. Keep your chin up and good luck. There is someone out there who will appreciate all the love you and your kids have to offer.

Answer 8

If she's spending money it sounds like the man who stole her has some kind of control over her. (A CON). I would try marriage counseling but she sounds way too comfortable being gone get a lawyer I doubt she will get 50% because she cheated and abandoned her home and left the kids behind and since she sounds like she makes enough monet to support the lifestyle you provided you may not end up paying much for alimony

Answer 9

First I can't see how a mother can turn her back on her children. 23 years is a long time to be together, but if she has moved on then you need to as well. She should get nothing. She left you, not the other way around. I would get a divorce and get it over with. To bad if she can't afford it, not your fault. Just remember that. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 10

I will tell you the same thing I have been saying to alot of men here lately. Pull your balls out of the drawer and strap them back on. If you let her all this will happen. But she had abandoned the kids it is called abandonment in court. You have them so by all legal rights she has none. She will not get 50% unless you let her. You have kids tho think about why are you letting this slide. She doesnt care about you or them. You have enough on her to get it all and make her pay child support. You dont have to but do not let her take you like this if nothing else for your kids. God bless you may he open your eyes before your kids suffer!!!!