Hey, who wants to see how screwed up my life & my wife are?

Question

You're 34, your wife is 27 & you've been together for almost 9 years (almost 3 married). There were some problems (obviously) & your wife left back in November 2006 & moved into her own apartment.

In April 2007, she comes to you & says she wants to work it out. You tell friends & family. Then you find out 3 days after that, your wife has had an extremely intense 6 month affair because she has just told you so. Was it done to clear the air or just to repair her guilty conscience?

She's been in contact with the other guy up until last week, even though you have her change her cell #. She's the one initiating the contact with the other guy (phone calls & text messages). She basically bad mouths you to the other guy & tells him she still loves him & is seeing you but not back living with you yet. Has she lost her effing mind?

Both you & her agreed that her teaching job had driven a wedge between you, yet she's going to teach again next year. What's that all about?

Read on..

This is her first year teaching & she had only been teaching for 3 months before she left. You work 6 days a week & it was originally said that your job took up too much time, but you make a high 6 figure salary that keeps you both in the style you’re accustomed to. You begin to work less for the same $. Doesn’t it seem funny your job was never brought into question?
She’s in counseling, you’re in counseling but not in couples counseling yet. You’re so afraid that she’s going to run again that you’re willing to do anything. Has she manipulated the situation so that she’s calling the shots? Why?
As stated before, there were issues that led up to this (no abuse, violence or previous adultery on your part) but if she truly loves you, why did she cheat?
Finally, although you don’t know this, she kissed (passionately) somebody while you were married & went on 2 dates with a guy while you were dating. Does a leopard not change their spots?
The marriage is screwed, right?

Answer 1

Don't waste your time. There are to many other women out there that would love to be part of your life and some just want to be housewives and mothers. I would just not go through all of this anymore and get into the world of the living and make a wonderfull life with someone else! Think of all the fun and excitement you will have looking for that perfect woman. Get out there and be happy because life is to short. Best wishes sweetie.

Answer 2

by doing the math she was 19 when you first started going out. So that basically means she had pretty much ZERO dating history of any significance prior to you two becoming serious and then eventually marrying.

That said, you have to understand that when she started dating when you split, she reverted back, basically, to a 19 year old...and those habits (falling intensely, being confused about her feelings...etc) It was all she knows...(hense why I never encourage young marriages or deep relationships when people are teens) So, she dated a bit, get over it... you know what it taught her? That she HAD made the right choice years ago...because most 19 year olds DON'T make a right choice.

And lets not call it cheating, at that time I think you BOTH assumed the marriage was over and she was just trying to start over...it would be cheating if you two were still living under the same roof. So you need to readjust your thought process on that.

The job thing, as much as you may not like her working, she is entitled to her own identity. It is great that you can support both of you but you can't feel it is right to strip her of something she likes to do. Different employment and interests by two people in a relationship is what actually brings you together by giving you something to talk about...enhancing communication & trust.

Manipulated the situation? Hardly...she doesn't really know which way is up at the moment to be maniplative about anything.

The next step for the two of you is to get into couples counseling...there is a lot you need to work through but it can be done...the thing is, is that you have to do it TOGETHER from now on.

Answer 3

Wow! I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am a teacher and I have to admit that while my job has not directly hurt my marriage, it has taken up excessive amounts of my time. Unfortunately, great teachers will put in the extra time even though we're not paid for it. However, if your wife really wants to make things work with you, she will make changes with her job. My husband and I went through a crisis about 8 months ago and I was able to adjust in order to make things better for us. I did what I had to do for my job, but I certainly didn't do anything more than was necessary. My husband and family come first. It sounds like your wife isn't really committed to your marriage. I understand loving her so much that you will do anything, but it sounds like you've been doing that. A relationship takes two people and it doesn't seem that she's doing her part. At some point, you have to decide how far you are really willing to go, and whether or not it's worth it anymore. You have to be able to continue living your life and find happiness whether it's with her or by moving on. It's very sad that people take advantage of one another in ways such as this. It sounds like you deserve better. Don't compromise your feelings, values, etc. You have to do what's right for you - what you can live with. I wish you the best of luck. Don't give up on your own happiness!

Answer 4

I am a teacher - it has done nothing but made me a better person. I can not imagine how teaching would change a person.

It sounds like your wife wants her cake and wants to eat it too. She is evidentally playing some kind of game - either on purpose or because she does not have any other way of handling things.

Something is going on with her and she might not even know it or understand it.

I do not know your relationship, but it takes two to tango. She is not the only one in your relationship. You can not just blame her for the problems you guys are having.

However, she has apparently been unfaithful. I would not tolerate that. I would sever ties and move on!!!!!

Answer 5

Wow! I believe they call this being used and manipulated. No, a leopard doesn't change it's spots. IF she came back, would you be able to trust her? Honestly? Wouldn't it be in the back of your mind when she was late or whatever that she was with someone else? Stop torturing yourself. Make a clean cut and start anew. Find a woman who appreciates monogamy and understands what love really is. Good luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like she is being wishy-washy, stringing two men along, playing head games, and reneging on everything under the sun. And not to mention cheating on you.
Sounds like she needs to mature a little more before getting involved with any relationship.
I would be cautious with her and also suggest some counseling before she moves back in with you.
Sorry you are going thru all of that.

Answer 7

Okay.... this is the first time I have ever given out an answer, without trying to offer help and insight into why or what other options you could take to solve this between you two.

Here is my answer.....

SHE IS A F*CKING SL*T WH*RE! SHE IS A B*TCH FOR CHEATING ON YOU! DUMP HER @SS FAST AND IF SHE TRIES TO COME AFTER YOU FOR MONEY GIVE PROOF TO THE COURTS THAT THE SCUMBAG B*TCH HAS BEEN CHEATING. THAT WILL SHOVE A CORK IN HER C**T! DON'T STAY WITH HER!! GET CHECKED FOR STD'S CAUSE NOTHING PERSONAL BUT SHE'S WORSE THEN A HOOKER WITH A FAMILY!

Answer 8

You already know the answer to your question. If you value your life and heart move on and just let her go. Dont sit around and let this continue if she really loved you none of this would be happening. I am sorry for how you have been betrayed and hurt and I wish you the very best and I am sorry that your wife just isnt it.

Answer 9

You met her when she was a teenager and she has been with you since . Nothing good ever comes from that , of course there is another guy . It may have worked in the 50's but society and its pressures of dating different people kind of screwed it up.
It is screwed up ... but it isn't surprising either. I hope it all works out though, best of luck .

Answer 10

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