Problem with husband. Am i correct in my judgement in divorcing him.?

Question

My husband accuses me of adultry all the time and the fact is i am totally faithful and have been for 30 years..He finally put the nail in the coffin when he suspected me of adultry with a guy at work, because i was happy at work and like the people i worked with. That is a no no with him as he is a miserable person. I made the fatal mistake of talking nice about my work instead of pretending it was ''terrible''. But too late. He came up to the office at my work and yelled out loud that ''Ted and i were having an Affair'' and vice versa. I was shocked and the people i knew who knew me know it is not true. I had worked there for a year but some of the ''mud'' stuck and it was an odd atmosphere and Ted's wife never came in as she was scared of what my husband might do. So i quit..i felt sick at work from stress and his threats. I am going to divorce him now. Do you think i am correct in doing so? thanks. I know the answer..i just want to see what you all have to say.

Answer 1

I don't want to sound mean but hubby sounds very insecure and a little bit like a nut case. I'm sure this isn't the only reason you want a divorce and is only one example among many.

Answer 2

First, If he comes to your workplace and shouts out accusations, he has some serious issues. The fact that they are untrue makes it worse. He sounds very insecure.

Second, you should be happy at your job. You spend a quarter of your whole waking life working. Why shouldn't you enjoy it if you can?

The thing that really speaks to me is that you said he is a "miserable person". If he is making you miserable, too, then something has to be done.

I am against divorce as a rule, and I think people should work things out whenever possible. You loved each other once, so much so that you pledged to spend your lives together. That should mean something.

You need to tell him that his actions are unacceptable, and that he needs to stop accusing you of things you don't do. It says that he doesn't trust you, and that is disrespectful. He also needs to know that his misery cannot be transferred to you. I am curious: why he is miserable all the time? How is your relationship? Men often gain confidence in themselves when their relationship is strong. If you are not close phsically, he may be lashing out because he doensn't know how to communicate that his needs are not being met. He may hate his job, but perhaps you can make the rest of his life happy.
Ultimately, some people are just plain bitter. If he can't change, then you may have no other recourse but to divorce him. He has no right to bring you down with him in his misery.

Bottom line: Tell him what needs to change. Give him the chance to make the change. If he can't, dump him. You don't have to go down with his sinking ship.

Answer 3

A person can't live like you are. he just created his own self fulfilling phrophecy! The very thing he is insecure about (and that is losing you) he is causing to happen. After 30 years of dealing with his personality i don't know how you done it all those years! Just think how wonderfull it will feel to finally have a life and be able to do what you want for a change. He does not deserve you and you have given up enough of yourself because of him. He could have been right to you and he choose not to be. I could not have lived that long in a marriage with my husband controlling everything and accusing me of things I never done. He sounds like the guilty one here sweetie and I wish you great happiness and freedom in your new life.

Answer 4

2 possibilities.

1) as others said, he's guilty over an affair he's had (either physical or emotional)

2) he has LOW LOW LOW self esteem.

I know I had #2 for a long time, and it only got better after councilling. Both professional psychiatrists, and my pastor helped me thru it.

30 years is a lot to throw away because he's feeling insecure.

You can save this marriage.

But you have to want to do it.

If he's hurt you too much, then yes, divorce is the best thing for you.

Answer 5

You know they say those that accuse do so because they are guilty. Possibly he is or has cheated?

You have every right to be happy! Period! If he truly loved you than he would want that for you. I do recommend counseling. If he won't go, and it sounds like he won't, than divorce him. Be certain to let him know exactly why, or he will think that it is because of another man. Good Luck to you. You deserve a better life.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are in a 30 year rut or routine of taking abuse from your spouse. I cant believe he 'let' you have a job.

I dont think anyone should stay in an unhealthy relationship. Have you tried marriage counseling?

Maybe he's putting his thoughts and wrong doing's on you....meaning, maybe he's the adulter and accusing you, takes the heat off him (in his mind) Ever think he's the one fooling around?

Answer 7

first of all...you should not have quit your job. that's exactly what he wanted you to do. it's a control tactic. second...if he suspects you of cheating and you are not then HE is the one doing the cheating. think about it. you need to get another job, get your own place and move out and file that divorce. it could also be that he is threatned by the fact that you are happy in your life and he is not.. either way...i say continue wtih the divorce. marriage is not worth it if you are not happy.

Answer 8

Yes, you are very correct! Please divorce him.

I am sure that in these 30 years you had some nice moments with him as well, but I guess that period is long gone and really you should not tolerate such things. We live once! Yeah, they speak about reincarnation and stuff, but there are no guarantees!

Get rid of him and try to please yourself every day. Get a job and never again quit your job because of a jealous partner.

Answer 9

Yes, I think you are- right about ending the marriage. It is not you, but he (your Husband) who has issues that he is not dealing with and/or is not able to deal with. He is obviously very insecure among other things that are probably bothering him- that he may not even realize. 30 years- (that is defined as 1 generation)- and that is long enough to be miserable!!

Answer 10

So you have been married for 30 years? Why don't you give this long marriage another chance and get prof. help for him. You know, now a days, marriages don't last, so why don't you make this a longer marriage and work things out with him?