Marriage breakdown what should i do?

Question

I am in the middle of a very confusing breakdown of my marriage I don't know what to do any advice? I was married in 2003 i am older than my husband he was lovely at first then when we were married on our actual wedding night he got drunk and self harmed first i saw of it, i was horrified he was very drunk and i did my best to clean him up and bandage his arms, i had been warned of his manic moods but because i had never seen them first hand i disregarded peoples concern, 4 years down the road after a lot of violence from him only when he was drunk mind i have finally given up and moved out to my friends home i can't live like we were anymore the anger and me walking on eggshells terrified to upset him i felt sick everytime i heard the front door go not knowing what was going to happen the violence had stopped about a year ago but it is always there about to happen he wants me to go back i don't know what to do anymore am i going back to the same life i hate being on my own but wot opt

\ive just been reading all of you emails and i just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your support, you know it's as of you all knew me just reading what you have replied thank you so much for taking time to help and advise i promise i will save all of the emails and read them over and over and i will take heed of what you have all said just knowing there are people out there who care enough to reply to me and help and advise make me feel so much better I would like to say i loved him when i married him but in the last 4 years my love for him has been pushed to it's limits i do care whats happening to him and i have tried everything to get him help, i have made appts with doctors and counsellors but it's just met with violence and negative retorts so i have learned to keep my mouth shut i would like to say you all know what you are talking about and you have all been a great support to me and again i thank you all so much for taking time out for me xx

Answer 1

Run....don't walk....as far away as possible. If necessary, get a restraining order. Check in with an abuse shelter for help for you. Get counseling. Surround yourself with family and friends who know the story and love you. Check with a lawyer about filing for divorce. Of course he wants you back. That doesn't mean he has changed. Chances are he won't either. If you go back, you are only enabling his behavior and putting yourself at risk.
I know you're strong and can do this.

Answer 2

Barney, please don't go back, you have broken the chain of domestic vilence, and for this I applaud you. I know you hate being on your own but have patience, there are alot of great guys out there that would not treat you this way. If I were you, I'd move to a beach town and get as far away from him as possible, Lose his number, forget that he even exist. You have to realize your true value in life.You deserve better than this. Don't let him play games with your heart, he'll actually try to make you feel guilty for leaving him. You did'nt say how old you are or if there are any children. I was going to suggest that possibly you check out the Coast Guard. I know, I know, but really they are the least military than the rest. You get to live in small beach towns. I was stationed at South Padre Island,Texas and Marathon, Florida. They send you to college, pay for your housing, and medical. You can become anything that you would like to be, a helicopter pilot, a nurse, a doctor, a lawyer.... Usually after boot camp you will more than likely be a dispatcher for Search and Rescue Missions. Anyway, just a thought
Once again I commend you for breaking the cycle of violence. I did to, my father was very abusive, he beat my mother and all of the children. At 12, I turned him in for child abuse, that was 40 years ago, they didn't have child protective services then. In the end he killed my Mother, my Brother and his Mother. He died a horrible lonely death, bleed to death. I still have nightmares to this day.
So please Barney, don't go back to that loser. You have alot of great things headed your way, as long as you don't attach yourself to a loser like that
You could always go to a domestic abuse shelter. I think that if you want a fresh start in another state, they will transfer you to a shelter in that area. They will provide you with shelter, food and employment resources. Check out Home Depot or Lowes, I know that they train you for each department, put al least 9.00 an hour on your application
A couple more ideas, house painting or designer closets

Answer 3

I think you're in a very dangerous situation. I'd suggest first of all that he needs to see a physician to be diagnosed and hopefully cured if that is possible. Under those circumstances if the doctors can keep him under control perhaps continue to give it a try. But if he's not willing to seek help I'd get out for your own good. Unless he's being treated it doesn't matter how long the violence stops, it will start again.

Answer 4

Unless he has been in some kind of recovery program, his change if any probably won't last. It sounds like it is an alcohol related problem, my suggestion to you would be to contact Alcoholics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. Ala-non is for the families of alcoholics. You will find valuable information and support there. They are listed in your directory, they are all over the world.
An alcoholic is defined as anytime the drinking causes problems to the person or persons around them.

There are also co dependent meetings. You are a co dependent that is why you were attracted to him. If you don't get help, you will just fall in with another of the same kind. Knowledge is your best weapon of defense, learn all you can you will have a fighting chance then.

Answer 5

I am a Bipolar person here and a lot of times we try and self medicate our moods. It is not good but sometime swe do it. I don't use drugs but sometimes I stay up for two days and get happy and high to pull myself out of deppression.

He needs to stop drinking
He needs meds
He needs counseling for the self harm

You have the power to enforce this happening before you wil consider going back.

If you don't see change, don't move back.

He has just gotta want you back enough to go through th trauma of his past and face it all and get it healed.

People from Elijah House minsitries can help him and they do a very comprehensive spiritual job if you are Chrstians.

God bless you

Stay away unless he changes.

God does not condemn you but you can be his REASON to change!

Try and do that for him at least

Answer 6

Being on your own is the least of your problems. Staying strong, looking after yourself and ensuring that you do not return to his man should be your priority at the moment. Contact a solictor regarding gettting a divorce - only speak to your husband via your solicitor. It is likely that when you ask for a divorce he will get really angry and turn voilent - I would put money on it. DO NOT go back to him - he is violent and you are not safe. Be prepared for his tears, tantrums, I can't live without you routine - better still, just don't speak to him and that way you won't fall for his sob story.

Stop thinking about being on your own as a negative and start thinking about enjoying your new freedom and getting this violent monster out of your life.

Answer 7

She is making an attempt to kill you! Why have you ever now not left her??? You have to depart her instantly earlier than she succeeds. You also have to file her to the police and phone immigration. As good as being a victim of attempted homicide you might be also a sufferer of home violence. Just due to the fact you're a man, it doesnt make it any much less a criminal offense. There isn't any manner immigration will renew her visa if her spouse has left her and she or he has severe crook expenditures in opposition to her. Stay trustworthy and just right good fortune!

Answer 8

She is making an attempt to kill you! Why have you ever no longer left her??? you need to leave her at cutting-edge in the previous she succeeds. you apart from might ought to record her to the police and make contact with immigration. besides as being a sufferer of tried homicide you're additionally a sufferer of enjoyed ones violence. only on account which you're a guy, it doesnt make it any much less against the regulation. there is not any way immigration will renew her visa if her companion has left her and he or she has extreme criminal costs against her. stay risk-free and stable success!

Answer 9

One thing you never said in your letter is do you Love him.If you do you may want to try to get him some help and get yourself some help also to deal with how you are feeling. If your feelings are that you do not know how you feel give it time so that you can sort out your feelings and make him prove himself to you. He needs help there is no doubt about it. but he first must see he has a problem and that he is going to loose you if he does not do something to fix it. Good luck.

Answer 10

Mental illness can happen to anybody. But there is NEVER any excuse for not refusing to get it treated and selfishly insist that everybody around you put up with your abusive behavior.

You need to leave. If he won't go to treatment. You see a professional for your own well-being and work on how you can leave this very sick and selfish abuser.