Nine yrs ago I gave up rights to my son (thought it was the right thing to do, long story of repeat harassment from ex) my son will turn 18 on the 14th of this month and now his father is in prison(another long story) but my son was adopted by my ex's wife and she has been taking care of him.Total pain in the a** woman, wont let me see or talk to him over last 9 yrs. Now that he will be of legal age, can I contact him and see him (if he will see me, she kinda brainwashed him against me) with out legal reprocutions, she would call cops, file against me saying that I harassed her in some way if I showed up to see my son. If I called she would most likely do the same, I think. I live in Florida and they live in NY. I dont want anything but a relationship with my son, I'm not stupid, I know he has a life there I just want to be able to celabrate his bday with him again. Mothers day, Xmas, all the things we have missed. If anyone has knowledge of NY family law and knows anything about it...
2007-06-02 10:22:59 · 21 answers · asked by Marla L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
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2007-06-02 10:28:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know anything about family law. But I have a son who is 18 years old. When he was seven, I persuaded his biological father to sign away his rights. And in the past, I saw where my son was wanting to contact him. Since this time, my son has moved out on his own. I know that he occasionally searches for his real father, and I support him in his efforts. Not for myself but only for my son. I have never spoke ill of his father(although I see many of his faults in my son), I have always wanted my child to make his own conclusions about that. So what I am trying to say; let him make the first step in wanting to contact you. Because just like my son, he will want to. I think with him making the first move, would be the best for the both of you. I don't really think that you contacting him at the age of 18 (anywhere) is wrong. But it could be more than what he is ready for. But he will contact you as long as you can be found. The mother cannot stop that.
2007-06-02 17:35:53 · answer #2 · answered by summer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having given up your rights as a parent, you still have all the rights that any other "stranger" has. Once your son is an emancipated adult, his adopted mother loses all legal control over him--he's free to have any kind of relationship that he wants. Realistically, though, she still has enormous influence over him, especially if he's still living in her home.
Why not write him a letter? She has no right to interfere with his mail. Make sure to be respectful when speaking of her: he undoubtedly loves, admires, and respects her, and running her down in any way will only alienate him. Write the story of your life and his from your point of view. He'll probably be interested enough to read it. See how it goes from there.
I'm a little confused on one point: your writing as Tim L with a male icon, but if your ex's wife adopted him, that makes you the mother. Am I missing something here?
2007-06-02 17:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by nightserf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my first thought would be to write your son a letter, and hopefully you know someone in NY that could get it to him as it is likely that his "mother" will not allow him to receive it. However, he is now an adult and has the right to seek his own life and choices. But it will be a struggle, and not easy to get back in his life. And at first he may not want you there at all. You need to tell him everything that happened, how he has been in your thoughts all this time, that you love him and want to have a chance to get to know him.
I wish you luck. If nothing else find out the neighbors name (tax records) but find someone to deliver the letter.
As for rights, I have a feeling you signed legal ones away, but your his mother and you can try. It's worth a shot.
2007-06-02 17:30:32 · answer #4 · answered by wildbeagle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you want to get back into your son's life. Since he's turning 18 there's nothing that your ex can legally do to stop you. But you need to ask yourself.... is your son willing to see you. You may have to start slow to build a relationship with him again.
P.S. My son is also turning 18 on June 14th. It doesn't seem all that long ago that he was just a baby. Much good luck to you.
2007-06-02 17:45:55 · answer #5 · answered by seashell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your rights were that you should have been there for your son if you really did care. Well I guess not. You think the other woman is a pain in the A** may be you should think over that again because she was the one who have been there for your son when you were away from him.
One more think stop giving reasons of why and why and why because there is no reason that explain you giving up your rights as a parents no matter what unless you wanted it this way. Anyway good luck
2007-06-02 17:34:24 · answer #6 · answered by Angel 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, it depends on what the age of majority is in your state. It isn't always 18 years of age, but it may be where you are.
Secondly, if he still lives in that woman's house, you can bet that she will try to get in the way. See about getting a free consultation with an attorney to know what your rights are.
Third, if your son expresses his wishes to see you and he has reached age of majority, the woman can do nothing about it legally. But if he says he doesn't want to see you, I guess you should respect that to avoid any drama.
Best wishes to you in whatever happens. I hope it goes well!
2007-06-02 17:33:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im pretty sure the laws on adoptions and biological parenting rights are the same just about anywhere you go in the us. so i would say that the pain-in-the-*ss woman is still his legal parent, they just don't have any control over him or his actions now that he is a legal adult. so even if THEY have a restraining order against you on your son, that means nothing now. unless HE has a restraning order against you, you should be able to go and see him without complaint from the parents. i really hope things go well for you man. let me know how things go.
much love,
alex.
2007-06-02 17:30:39 · answer #8 · answered by goodlife1993 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you give up paternal rights that it. You have already made your decision years ago and it seems too late at this point. Let your son live his life. Do you want to cause heartache and turmoil for your son? Is it just for your own reasons that you want to insist on seeing him or for the good of your child. You still seem to have animosity for his mother and that is just going to make him resent you when it was someone else that took care of him all these years.
Maybe you could set up a trust fund, college education for him that would let him know that you care for his welfare and future. As he gets older he'll then be able to contact you if he wants to.
2007-06-02 17:33:56 · answer #9 · answered by szq 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need someone to be a go between for you. Does he have a family member on his Dad's side that might sympathize with you and deliver a letter? Maybe a social worker would contact him for you. Check to see if there is an adoption website where you can post a message to him. Once you have made contact, please respect his feelings. Leave your contact information and let him make the decision.
2007-06-02 17:30:57 · answer #10 · answered by Lorre W 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋