My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We talk about marriage all the time and he always says someday. What does someday mean? I tell him my ring doesn't have to be some big honking diamond or anything because money is tight, but still he doesn't ask me....why?
2007-06-02 10:10:12 · 24 answers · asked by Rachel D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dr. Twan says
This is easy. You as a women should look at the situation in a mans view. What is the first thing that happens when a man or anyone rushes into a relationship before he is ready? They cheat. Is it because they don't love you No, but they just wasn't ready. He needs to see the full value in you before he'll make a move. Would you buy a car that was looking good if you seen a car that looked great. NO. You can do nothing just let him make the decision when he's ready. After all it is his life, you can't force that.
Dr. Twan is out.
2007-06-02 10:59:47 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. Twan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does "being together" mean? If you two share an apartment, he doesn't have to do anything more to be comfortable. Or if you each have your own apartments but it's easy to visit.
But if getting together requires a pre-planned trip, it can only happen on weekends, or whatever you do means getting away from parents and extended family, there's more incentive to get married.
If what you have now is comfortable for him, why should he get married? You should also consider that you're at the point (past three years) that there's a decreasing likelihood that you'll have a successful long term relationship with him, married or not. You may have to seriously consider whether there's really a future with him. Otherwise, I've seen questions like yours that start, "We've been together for seven years..."
2007-06-02 17:41:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to marry someone who isn't ready. Back off and give him some space. Just enjoy having time with him. You might even stop seeing him for a few days or a week and see if he comes around and misses you. I don't know how old you two are. That can have something to do with how he feels. Believe me, you don't want to push him into marriage and then have to get a divorce a year or two down the line. And worse you might even have children by then. Take it slow.
2007-06-02 17:27:26 · answer #3 · answered by The pink panther 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's scared of commitment maybe. People are getting married way later in life these days. It's almost as if instead of having the pressure from our parents to get married and settled has completely done a 180 and now everybody expects you to wait until the perfect time...which is who knows when. Maybe you will just have to be more forward about it with him.
2007-06-02 17:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by Eisbär 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He does not want a commitment and the responsabilities that come with marriage. If you went all the way, he lost the excitment of the conquest (there is no more to conquer). He has it easy now and without commitment. Marital-bonding happens when you reach the last stage of the bonding process (that is intimacy). And if that was reached without commitment, sealed in front of a lawyer and the church, it is difficult to obtain after.
2007-06-02 17:23:54 · answer #5 · answered by Tomi I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm engaged right now and we haven't set a date yet. The reason for that is because we want to spend time together so we know pratically everything about eachother. We are trying to avoid what is happening to everyone who is jumping into marriage......DIVORCE. It's not something you should want.....it's hurtful and needless to say expensive. He could be nervous......It's a big jump. Your going to be with one person for the rest of your life. You have to love that person no matter what......if they change in a dramatic way (Car accident makes them paralized or they loose limbs) you still have to want to be with them. Marriage is something that is forever no matter what. Like a baby. Just talk with him and see his side of the story. Good luck babe.
2007-06-02 17:19:33 · answer #6 · answered by SwatsGurl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is afraid of responsibilities or maybe he is not the marrying-type. Some men take marriage as a life-long commitment and it is very important to them. As such, they do not plan to settle down until and unless they are financially and emotionally stable. Your boy friend could fall under one of those categories. Being with him for almost four years, you should know.
2007-06-02 17:24:12 · answer #7 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married is a very important thing and it is easy to do but hell to get out of because babies are born and you find you aren't happy and wish you had never gotten married. You may be so in love with him but the feeling is not always mutual. When you marry you better be damn sure that you want to be with this one person the rest of your life. You just got one life to live and when your dead , your dead a long time , a hell of a long time. So, be sure that this is what both of you want , not just one. I'll tell you right now, it AIN'T what it's put up to be a lifetime is a longtime, they get fat, bald or you get fat and funky and funky is not pleasant and looking at a bald fat man is not pleasant either. Both put together is just one big pile of funk.
2007-06-02 17:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because he may be afraid of commitment, the responsibility that comes w/ marriage. If you're living together why should he, he's getting the milk for free. Maybe its time for you to break up & move on & find someone who wants to be w/ you in a total committed relationship.
2007-06-02 17:15:45 · answer #9 · answered by txmama423 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready, he is scared too. Someday means maybe yes maybe no. He is stalling for time. I would call his bluff and move on if it's meant ot be it will be if it's not then you haven't lost another 4 years.
2007-06-02 17:16:55 · answer #10 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋