Is This a good rap? I wrote it when I was 12. My schoolmates love it. Part 2?

Question

What’s more screwed, you or her @$$? /
You get yo’ phone and call Dr. Phil real fast
He said like R. Kelly you must use your pi$$/
But she ain’t 15! Sir, trust me on this.
So you used full pressure just like a faucet/
And she flew, locked herself in, now she trapped in the closet.

tell me how i can make more people read it
( i already have it on myspace)

if you want more, add my myspace myspace.com/blurrynipples and look at my pics.

Answer 1

uhhh....could use some...improvements. i write my own songs, too, the best thing u can do is describe a rythm so then, people can rap it to themselves. second, dont think of words, let the words come to u, and let the words make sense...hope i helped. i cant give away my ''how to get more people to listen to my songs'' secret. it's my deepest secret!

Answer 2

a million. Saver two. Rescue! three. Just a stroll thank you four. Datable five. Computer 6. Bass 7. Band eight. Blue nine. Red 10. Yellow eleven. Purple ( I agree) 12. Grey thirteen. I am a woman, I like boys 14. Good 15. Drug freed from path sixteen. Metal 17. Punk 18. Hmm, we could take a look at curler blading 19. Grass, I do not like water 20. Aren't they the identical? 21. Natural 22. Live thank you! 23. Beautiful! 24. A youngster boy please 25. History 26. You what? 27. Old 28. Baggy, now not dishevelled. 29. Watcher 30. Shorts 31. Who? 32. Work 33. Photographer 34. Neither thank you... 35. Yahoo!!!

Answer 3

First of all.....Patfish..(answered ur question) whatever kind of name that is... ur gay.. rap/hip-hop is the BEST music out there an screw u for sayin that this sucks.. like anyone wants ur opinion if u don even like rap.. WHY u answer this question anyway ???? HUH ..?? I LIKE IT ... an DO YA THANG !!!!! u did a good job at age 12 writin that !! do ya thang

Answer 4

you should really take a look at your content. for 12 years old this is pretty explicit. you wont be taken seriously speaking like this. listen to guys like mos def, talib, or lupe fiasco. they use cursing sparringly and really only when needed. but other than this i love when young people take an intrestest in hip hop. keep working at it

Answer 5

Sucks. Like every other rap song in existence. It's not so much the lyrics as it is the genre.

Answer 6

Sorry, but I don't think it's something that a 12 year old should be writing.

Answer 7

hahaha

Answer 8

it is good