I have not always been a good person. I have done what I could to survive a bad marriage, horrible job and health issues. I've lied, cheated and done what it took to provide for my family. But now, I can't deal with it anymore and I want to make a change for the good. How do I do it? What do I say to people I've hurt? I didn't mean to hurt them but I did, how do I fix that?
2007-06-02 06:24:27 · 10 answers · asked by robbie s 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Robbie, I think you should speak with a professional whether it is a person of the cloth or a psychologist.
Work out exactly what your issues are. The important thing here is to learn how to be good to yourself and raise your self esteem.
I have been terribly abused in my life as a child, young adult and psychologically by my former husband. While I forgive each person who has done me harm, I want nothing to do with them. Frankly, I do not even want to read any cards or letters that any of them might write to me. In other words, I don't think I will ever be able to forget.
What you have to do is simply get on with your life. Figure out a plan for how you truly are going to become a good person. I applaud you for making a public confessional.
It must have been difficult to write.
It is going to take hard work on your part to make permanent changes. I really wish the best for you. Change is always possible. Just don't expect the people you hurt to instantly forgive and forget.
P.S. I have one final thought: you are not a bad writer. Why don't you start to put together a memoir of what you think you have done and what kind of person you have been up to this point. Lay it all out in black and white.
2007-06-02 06:45:23 · answer #1 · answered by Beach Saint 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Robbie,
Never underestimate the value of a true and sincere apology.
I've had to write several of them in my life. If you do apologize, let's have none of that namby pamby stuff about "IF, by some stretch of the imagination, I just happened to hurt you."
NO!
Just flat out take all the blame and leave it there. "I was so wrong. I am so sorry. There's no way I can possibly make this up to you, so I am doing what I can do, and that is saying how very sorry I am." You get the idea.
Even if they don't accept it, you will have done your part, and can move on.
After all, we all make mistakes. And you are a better person for recognizing that and wanting to do something about it.
And if they do accept it (as they always have in my cases), you'll feel wonderful, and perhaps have an opportunity to show them in the future that you really are a changed person.
God bless!
2007-06-02 06:31:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't take back whats already been done. There is no quick fix or miracle cure to right your wrongs.
But you can take a step back, a deep breath and try and make ammends for the hurt you've caused.
Start with a simple heart felt appology. And maybe an explanation.
And remember that people won't always understand why we choose to do the things we do and maybe they don't have to.
Making a bad choice for all the right reasons isn't very compforting in the end.
The important thing is that you take that first step.
Just plant your seed. It'll take time to see what grows.
2007-06-02 06:51:06 · answer #3 · answered by SONIA B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you're having a self-pity occasion for your self, low vainness, melancholy, why cross to the entire poor matters for your existence and describing intellectual disorders is a fine step closer to a protracted procedure of soul browsing and balancing the well for your existence with the dangerous however entering a deep description of scars and your privates may be very distasteful and a bit extra revealing to me than I could like to understand approximately. I am opening to suppose you'll have deeper disorders that demands to be addressed in individual and now not at the Internet. I do believe you wish to have aid, I could recall to speak to a Psychology Professional. The first-class to you at some point.
2016-09-05 19:50:59 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First forgive yourself and don't do it again. Then go to the one's you've hurt and say your sorry for hurting them without going over the hurt you have done to them. No sense in refreshing their memories. If they care about you then it will be ok. Remember you are human and make mistakes. We all make mistakes and use bad judgement and when we realize it that shows we have learned something from life. Know one said life will be easy but it is what we make it. You also might find out that the ones who love you have already forgotten what you have done, they are human,too.
2007-06-02 06:35:06 · answer #5 · answered by dee b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the best thing to do is to come clean to the ones that are closest to you. If they don't stay by you and want to work things out (such as counseling or talking things out), then they may not be such good friends. Friends and family can be great support and they are a lot more understanding then you may give them credit for. Have you ever thought that maybe they already have an idea of some of the things that you have already done, but that they are just waiting for you to come to them? You sound a lot like how my dad was. . .he went to rehab over and over again. . .he cheated in his marriage. . .his job. . . etc. And we were there for him. Because we loved him. You just need to hang in there. But be prepared that things may get worse before they get better. And definitly look into counseling. For you. And for you AND your family. It is definitly good to have a mediater and someone that is neutral to all issues - they can give you insight on how you may better things in ways that you hadn't thought about. No, its never too late to change and to want to change. Take that step. Come clean. Say you are sorry. Also, you may be saying 'sorry' over and over again. You may have to explain yourself and your actions over and over again. But sometimes that is what you have to do to earn peoples trust back. And its going to take TIME. Just hang in there. Most of us, if not all, have been there! : )
2007-06-02 06:44:36 · answer #6 · answered by LESLIE P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok to begin with,
the truth is, you can't ALWAYS make your wrongs right.
whats done is done and there's no way you can change the past.
but, i do belive that you can apologize and SHOW that your ready to change.
as for the people you've hurt, i say from expirience, even though you didnt mean to hurt them, you did, & only time and your efforts will mend that.
if you are a religious person, really try and have a heart to heart with God.
trust me, he WILL lead you to where you wanna go. Before you try and make amends with everyone else you first have to fix what YOU feel in your heart. and for that your gonna need god.
all i can tell you is that its important to realize your mistakes, and even though you can't always change them, you can ALWAYS try and show that your not that same person.
God Bless & Good Luck:]
2007-06-02 06:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by Flacita:] 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No going back. Accept responsibility for your actions and move on. If a heartfelt apology is not enough then you will learn to live with that too.
Future actions go a long way toward mending the past.
2007-06-02 07:08:03 · answer #8 · answered by The Rabbit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure you can, always can. Just apologize to them and to god.
2007-06-02 06:33:07 · answer #9 · answered by chaud_1992 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its possible but it all takes time
2007-06-02 07:18:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋