Will my marriage survive?

Question

Married 14 years, 2 kids, been through counseling before. Says he loves me. We don't have sex. Haven't for years...couple of times a year doesn't count as sex for me. I put on 30 lbs. during the 14 years. Sex stopped before the weight gain. He just doesn't seem sexual to me and yet he goes on line and flirts with women??? When I mention divorce, he gets very upset. Says he doesn't want it. Says that it's not just him, that I'm the problem too. I've just never met a guy who holds out when it comes to sex. I used to love sex, but now feel resigned to the fact that it won't happen, so I won't initiate that much anymore. It's hard to get blown off all the time. The big picture is that he's provided for us. I've been able to stay home all these years and take care of the kids and home. If there's anything I need, it's never been a problem to get it, he just doesn't seem to get that it's depressing being married to a man who won't show me attention.

Answer 1

i think your marrage will survive, maybe it's his libido. have you asked him or mentioned something like viagra?.

to what degree is the flirting online?.

i'm sure if he didn't love you or if he wasn't happy he'd jump at the chance to leave, so i don't think that is the case.

have you tried different things in the bedroom?, like sex toys, games, lingerie or role play ?

how about meeting at a hotel with a restaurant, both take your wedding rings off. get him to meet you there for dinner or a drink and act like your having an affair with each other.

without getting confrontational, ask him what the problem is. you are his wife and your there to help him no matter what. say to him that you are a sexual person and that you need that part of your relationship in your life. mention that you miss him, you need him and you still love him.

Answer 2

Life isn't sex no matter how the media packages it. Life is caring and doing for others. You need to fill the void you feel in your life with other things. You are at home so you can do volunteer work at the school, for your church, for your city. Try to get him interested in some of the volunteer work so you can start doing things together. You dont' sound like your working as a team anymore. That is where you have to start before any affection can begin again.

Answer 3

Obviously if you have discussed divorce related to the lack of physical intimacy
- He should understand it is a "deal-breaker" for you.

If he has not stepped up to the plate to cover your dealbreaker issue, then he is not interested in the marriage -

That is not to say he isn't interested in the family, the support you provide or the situation of being married, Just that he isn't interested in supporting the Marriage of you two by working or trying to make you happy.

From a guy's perspective - He doesn't want a divorce because he will get totally screwed at this point - He will pay spousal support for at least half of the length of the union (7 Yrs?) to offset your lack of income.
He will also pay child support until all children are 18.
He will give you half of all savings plans and retirement plans (those that are not IRAs).
He will have to settle up on assets like the house, cars, etc...

You want sex, intimacy, tenderness and to feel loved - you deserve it.

Start to plan for a life without him -

Get yourself happy with yourself and get ready to be on your own.

If he is as clueless about your happiness as he sounds - you can prepare for your future without him and move on as soon as you are ready.

He will, of course, beg, plead and grovel for more chances, but, it sounds like he has had plenty of opportunity already.

Dump him when you are all set.

Answer 4

Marriages can proceed to exist cheating. regardless of the undeniable fact that it takes extremely some attempt on the two spouses to furnish that a raffle. Forgiving somebody for any such ingredient isn't uncomplicated. the guy who cheats needs to confess to that, properly known a incorrect ingredient got here approximately, take finished accountability for it, comprehend how that habit harm the different companion and then vow via words and strikes to by no ability do it lower back. The above isn't uncomplicated. commonly a cheater won't settle for finished accountability. That individual would settle for ninety 9% and that they are going to cop up a lame excuse that someway justifies it. in specific circumstances cheater will admit what went on is one hundred pc the fault of the cheater and then turn around and say it became no large deal. See how no longer uncomplicated it is to triumph over such issues?

Answer 5

Short of counseling and airing your sexual frustration, and a med. check up for him, not a clue.... People for sure get settled in their ways and quit trying (as in your gain of 30 lbs) and complacency is not a good thing in a marriage... See a sex therapist, and read some books, too. You need to re-ignite the spark. One book might help "For You Both,, (or For Each Other, I forget, by Lonnie Barbach, THE sex therapist in the nation today.... )but if he is not interested,,,,, big problem to solve first.

Answer 6

He might love you, but is he in love with you. Does he have another women in his life, maybe he is staying with you for the kids. You got to do what makes you happy, if your unhappy then your kids and everyone around you is gonna be unhappy. Try initiating some times, maybe he thinks your not into him anymore. Either way communication is the key, you guys need to sit down and be honest with each other about all things, good or bad and be willing to change or walk away. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Sex, or lack of it, can be a form of control in a relationship. So there are other, deeper issues going on. You could sit with him and tell him how you feel and ask for a committed, "schedule" of intimate time and how much that means to you. Men like definitive schedules. We tend to "compartmentalize" things and we like that. If he refuses, then you may be in a marriage that is not working for you and need to consider your options (including divorce). Although sex in a marriage may only account for 10% in a good relationship, it is a VERY important part.

Answer 8

I guess we are in the same shoe. My hubby works so hard to provide for the family but sex and life adventure is out of the picture,its quite depressing. Divorce is a no go area so i am trying to enjoy life with my kids,friends and relatives. Try to lose weight,get your groom back,change your attitude and watch him come begging.

Answer 9

That's the problem. Stop being a housewife and start being more independent. Earn your own living. Get a part time job and accomplish something outside of your house. Your kids are old enough that they don't need you in the house all day. Once he realize that you don't need him to support you, he'll be more interested in you. He'll look at you with new eyes. People tend to not respect/be attracted to people who are dependent on them. No offense, but it gets really boring. You need to renew yourself to be interesting to him. Positive change would interest anybody.

Answer 10

I think you need to go get a makeover, new haircut something, plan a vacation for just the 2 of you. buy some sex toys, also consider getting a part time job, take up an exercise class, I think you need to make yourself feel better. also wake him up in the middle of the night with sex.. good luck. wish you the best.